From the Gay Life forum:

"I had my first man date last night. He's a really nice guy and really cute. We had great conversations, but I'm not feeling an instant connection. The more we hung out, the more relaxed I felt and enjoyed my time with him. I guess what I'm wondering is, how many dates should it take before you can reasonably decide if it's worth continuing a relationship?"

Members respond:

• "If you got on well the first date, then give it a chance. We can be so full of nerves the first date, we don't realise how much we really might like the person sitting in front of us." -Gullivertale


• "I always say there is nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance. If your instincts suggest to you that you might just be missing something in this guy even after the third date then give him another go just to see. But if you feel nothing at all then it makes sense at that point to just move on." -Tony


• "I would suggest mixing it up and doing a variety of things on your first couple dates so you get to know what he's like in a variety of circumstances." -Pulsar41


• "You really ought to feel SOME connection, almost immediately. A 'right' person for you should feel a little more comfortable than that." -KavaKava2

How long does it take to get to the center of a sweet connection?

My response:

Each time that I've found love, I knew it from the moment we met. There was just something there that made us inseparable. Even before I got to know them better, I knew we'd be together for a long while (and we were). Now, the reason why they didn't last is an entirely different post; but as far as recognizing an initial connection, sparks can fly right away.

Now, this isn't to say connections aren't made over time. Not everyone's fairy tale plays out in the same way because getting to know someone takes time. During the first few dates you're feeling each other out for the first time. More than likely, you're both more awkward and nervous than you would be normally. Also, when just meeting someone, tend to have our "walls" up and at full guard. Once you spend more time together, in a variety of situations, you may discover things about the other person that were previously buried in the fray of first date nerves.

Connections happen on levels that are often indicated by our gut or instincts. You'll know what feels right. You might discover that he is or isn't the one right away. Or, it may take time. Time, however, is always on your side. Eventually, things will play out as they should.

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"I have recently begun my coming out process and have found it to be a real reality check," Gay Life reader Chris shares. "On day one I felt everything change, including my eyes. What do I have to look forward to in my coming out process? What thoughts do you have for a newly gay guy like myself?"

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Anywhere she wanted to go, we told her. Vegas is what she chose. Not my number one choice for a birthday celebration, but my mom is too adorable to ignore, too giving to deny. So I hopped on a plane to Sin City. If you ask me, it's one big Times Square with the privilege of open container street boozing. But as they say, when in Vegas...

It wasn't about me, though. It was her weekend. She likes to gamble. Not the lose-your-home-and-savings type of coin dropping; the tease type that mostly takes a few twenties, but every once in a while rewards with a few dramatic grand.

The bells and whistles and crisp bill losing is not for me (I'd rather lose my coins at the Apple Store), but for her it's all one big gamble. Not just her slots, but life in general. You never know what might happen, she says. Sure the odds are in their favor, but every once in a while—sometimes more than not—fortune slants your way. And when it does it's worth the risk.

I stood on the sidelines in a cloud of smoke, scantily-costumed waitresses and flashing lights and thought about my life and what level of risk I normally take. A good friend once told me, "If you're going to live, live!" The great Marvin Gaye once sang: "Since we've got to be here, lets live."

I thought, how often did I just drop a coin, which could represent my guard or my ego, at the longest of odds? Very few times. Yet I always, as if entitled to it, expected a big pay off.

When it comes to dating and relationships, the hookup is still alive and easy, but the dates (or the men, I should say) of today expect a little effort to establish and grow anything significant. They expect risk and proof that all gay men aren't clichés, sex feines, false ads or full of golden dust.

It's understandable that some of us protect our coins. When you've lost so many how can you stand to lose any more? But much of gay life is anticipation followed by frustration: the angst of coming out, followed the weight of what's next; the thrill of desiring love, trailed by difficulties finding it; the liberation of freely expressing oneself amid realities that not everyone is comfortable with who you are

Yet there are two sides to every coin and the rewards, although not always immediate, are not impossible. If mom's slot machine doesn't pay off, she waits, gives it a chance (to a limit), then takes her remainings to a machine that might treat her more kind. Then she starts anew, not weighed down by the losses of before, but with a hope that that a particular one will be the one.

After our first slot-filled night she bought dinner. As life would have it, the next tab was on me. But, despite it all, I couldn't help but notice that until our plane had left the tarmac and regardless of all outcomes she never stopped playing the game.

Image © Medioimages/Photodisc

In a bold move Thursday, the New Delhi High Court decriminalized consensual sex between gay men by repealing Section 377 of the India's Penal Code.

India Penal Code Chapter XVI, Section 377 punished "whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal." Sex between same gender individuals was considered an act against nature. Violations were punishable by a prison term of up to 10 years and possible fines.

The issuing officiate, Justice S. Muralidhar, wrote: “This Court believes that Indian Constitution reflects this value deeply ingrained in Indian society. Those perceived by the majority as deviants or ‘different’ are not on that score excluded or ostracized. Where society can display inclusiveness and understanding, such persons can be assured of a life of dignity and nondiscrimination.”

The reversal comes just days after gay pride marches in Delhi, Kolkata, and Bangalore.

Although challenges for LGBT people in India still remain, the ruling could mark significant improvements in way queer-identified people are treated in the country.

The Huffington Post reports: "Section 377 was often used to blackmail gay couples for money or sexual favors, and posed a great hindrance to HIV/AIDS prevention initiatives, as homosexuals, who, according to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation are amongst the groups most susceptible to the disease, were afraid to seek help in fear of prosecution."

After the repeal of Section 377 India's LGBT activists celebrated with tears, raised flags, and smears of vermillion, a traditional custom marking future success and prosperity.

More on gay life in India.

Image: A gay couple kiss in their home in New Delhi, India. © Getty.

Dear Mona,

I live part time in New York and part time in Seattle. My partner and I have a home in Seattle and when I am in NY, I roommate with a female friend of mine. Whenever I'm at home in Seattle, I feel like all my partner and I ever do is stay in and watch TV on the couch. He wants to cuddle, etc. But when I leave town, he is everywhere... doing activities, going to movies, having happy hour with friends, going to cook-outs.

He has told me that he has issues being "alone" at home but we have two loving pets that I wish would get more attention from him. I can't help but feel like he saves all the fun time with friends when I am gone and wants to do nothing with boring me. How can I shake this feeling? I am sad enough being here alone without any real friends and family. I don't want to feel like I've been left out of all the fun back home. -Lonely in NY

Dear LiN,

You're looking at your cuddle time all wrong here, LiN, and you're being quite selfish. It sounds like you want your boo to stay at home with the pups while you're away and save up all of his party time for you upon your return. Remember, you're not the only one lonely in love. He's probably off partying and cooking-out to take his mind off of the fact that his man is never home. And my dating intuition tells me that he's always been a socialite, even before you started traveling for work. But, we know from your question that the issue isn't him having fun; it's him having fun without you... more

Image: © John Rowley/Getty

Have you ever ordered a Cosmo on a busy bar night? Gay site Queerty dares us to ask for the queer staple and await what's bound to be a crocked look from the bartender.

Queerty says "one of the best ways to take the temperature of the gay community is to see what they're drinking." A gage of the community? Maybe not. A snapshot into the character of a person? Definitely.

Travel through time from before the Cosmo to the return of the classics with this brief history of the gay cocktail.

Personally, I'm a sucker for a good 12 or 15-year scotch. Who's buying?

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Ireland passed a civil partnership bill on Friday, granting same-sex couples many of the rights of civil marriage.

"This bill provides legal protection for cohabiting couples and is an important step, particularly for same-sex couples, whose relationships have not previously been given legal recognition by the state," Justice Minister Dermot Ahern said in a statement.

Ireland's civil partnerships are an important step indeed. The primarily Catholic country just legalized divorce in 1995. The new benefits to same-sex couples include inheritance and property rights.

Where Is Gay Marriage Legal?

Image: © Dennis Flaherty/Getty

"Where's the party?" I asked a friend during a Midwest visit. He asked if wanted to go to a "black bar" or "white bar" as they are commonly described. I was not surprised by his query. Dynamics within the LGBT community are a reflection of the divides in general society. After all, sexuality is only one of many self-identifiers. From school clicks in cafeterias (remember Mean Girls?) to bars and themed-parties to gay pride festivals, comfort is often found among those that are a reflection of ourselves—both inside and out.

Traditional LGBT pride events have splintered into a number of African-American focused prides (for years now I've published both traditional and Black pride calendars) and a growing number of Hispanic and Asian-American prides are emerging.

A Gay Life forum member that goes by the name of "Wizqidx" discusses his experiences in both black and white gay circles:

"Having a separate pride festival allows those individuals a place where they can converge and discuss/party without being subjected to the elements of racism. I've been in predominately white clubs where I've been ignored. Why would I go to a pride festival filled with people that don't acknowledge me? I have participated in pride festival as a volunteer, but I go to Black pride for the camaraderie."

Yet, some argue that LGBT prides are a symbol of diversity and holding separate prides defeats the purpose of the event.

"I think it's kind of silly for there to be segregation in something that's supposed to bring unity and respect," forum member Keith responds.

The issue is further complicated when we consider how identity spans beyond skin color. Naturalization, economic status, education, expression, background, and family contribute significantly to our sense of self and, in turn, to whom and what we relate. Should we all retreat to our corners of identity where we feel the strongest connection or do unified events provide opportunities to expand our understanding of one another? Let me hear your voice!

Image © Stockbyte/Getty.

"Yes, there are black women who have been infected by a man on the low," writes Kellee Terrell in an opinion piece on African-American focused news site theGrio.com.

Terrell continues, "In recent years, it's become common to blame black men having secret and unprotected sexual encounters with other men while simultaneously sleeping with their female partners for the rise in HIV among heterosexual black women. I guess if it's been on Oprah, it must be true.

Terrell provides an important perspective on the effect the media's characterization of men who have sex with men has had on the African-American community:

"Yes, AIDS is the number one killer of black women ages 24-35. But if we were to stop, put away James L. King's book and re-adjust our thinking caps, we would see that blaming this epidemic on men on the low doesn't make much sense. Especially since we don't have any proof to back it up."

The issue of men having sex with other men, unbeknown to their wives and girlfriends, captured wide spread media attention in the early 2000's after several articles on the subject were reported in major newspapers like The Los Angeles Times and The New York Times. These reports explored the perceived link between the spread of HIV to heterosexual African-American women by their down low partners.

But, as Terrell asks, are down low men to blame for the spread of HIV among heterosexual women?

Dr. Chandra L. Ford of Columbia University in New York City urges caution when assuming down low men are the primary cause of high African-American HIV infection rates:

"Part of what has happened as a result of that initial burst of stories reporting the 'down low' is that those stories often tied the down low to high rates of HIV infection among African-American women, which was not supported by epidemiological data." Ford added, "There were a lot of assumptions, there were a lot of leaps of faith that led to that."

Is the down low only an African-American issue?

In her article "Down low" myth distorts HIV research, prevention, author Anne Harding talks about Dr. Ford's research and the misconceptions that the down low is an exclusively African-American issue.

Harding writes: "The practice of straight men secretly having sex with men is seen across all ethnic groups. While black men and women have higher rates of HIV infection than other ethnic groups, they also report fewer risk behaviors, suggesting researchers should look elsewhere to understand the disparity. For example, having a bacterial sexually transmitted infection can increase the risk of both transmitting and contracting HIV, and it is possible such infections may be more common among blacks than whites due to poorer access to health care. The view of black sexuality as deviant and diseased has deep roots, Ford noted, pointing to the way the public and the medical community viewed syphilis in the early 20th century as a disease of the black community."

Kellee Terrell's opinion article provides additional insight into on men who have sex with men through the lens of a single straight African-American female. And while HIV/AIDS celebrates plus of its silver anniversary, infection rates surpass CDC projections, and the highest risks groups continue to be those with the least amount of access to health care and information, the question remains: What are we going to do about the spread of HIV?

"The DL myth is actually detrimental to HIV prevention," Terrell adds. "In hopes of understanding the why and the what, we should look at the history of racial, economic, gender and sexual oppression that render us more vulnerable. It's much easier to sit back and blame the queers who go bump in the night."

Image © Paul Simcock/Getty.

Documaker Michael Moore is more likely to be called conservative than comedian Sacha Baron Cohen is politically correct. Movie goers know Cohen best from his film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, a mockumentary comedy about a fictitious Kazakh journalist navigating his way through the United States—unabashed comic relief at the country's general misguidance on Arab cultures. But, Cohen's latest character "Bruno" has a target of different ilk: homophobia. The film is a timely poke at our culture in the midst of front line LGBT rights struggles countered by beauty pageant queens.

Bruno is the story of a flamboyantly gay fashion reporter who travels to America to become a celebrity after losing his job in Austria. In Borat fashion, Cohen, as "Bruno," encounters Americans, both everyday people and political figures, in his quest to stardom. The film highlights the deeply embedded and often subtle nature of homophobia in the nation. Universal Pictures, the movie house that released the film, claims that the audience will leave feeling the positive nature of the movie. But some LGBT activists are not convinced that the message will be one of awareness.

Rashad Robinson, senior director of media programs for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, commented to Rueters that while the intentions of the film are good, the heighten people's discomfort with the LGBT community.

Scenes showing Cohen learning how to guard himself against gays from a martial arts teacher; him appearing to have sex with a man in a tub while his adopted baby—an African child shipped in a cardboard box, it should be noted—watches; and his ignescent dress have already raised eyebrows.

Yet, it is often through extremes that we are able to identify the subtleties of homophobia and racism that live in the subconscious of our society. Often, under the guise of political correctness, thoughts and actions that are shunned from public expression are still manifested through loud eyes, sharp gestures, and targeted innuendo. And it is often by these extremes that we are able to stir the dust of homophobia and call it—along with those that perpetuate the ideal—for what it really is.

Bruno opens in the United States on July 10

Image: Actor Sacha Baron Cohen attends the premiere of the Larry Charles's film Bruno.