After Jim McGreevey's 2004 gay confession it became obvious why the then New Jersey Governor offered little if no resistance to the passage of the New Jersey Domestic Partnership Law. He was himself gay, albeit living a secret life. When he came out McGreevey lost his marriage and his political career at the hands of a $50 million extortion plot against him by his alleged lover and employee Golan Cipel. McGreevey's then wife lost her husband and the State of New Jersey lost a progressive governor. Seems like a lot was lost; no wonder so many gay married men stay in the closet and sneak around on the side.

Nonetheless, McGreevey's losses and the potential losses of other gay married men doesn't exonerate men on the down low from coming clean or, better yet, doing the right thing in the first place.

In his new book, The Confession, McGreevey tells of his hesitation disclosing the extortion plot against him due to fear it would expose his secret gay life. The blackmail led to his resignation and a public confession. Slick move. Fessing up to his infidelity requires far less damage control than exposure by an inappropriately placed aide. Confessions solicit sympathy, while exposure is synonymous with guilt. So, I must ask: Would James McGreevey have made his confession if he wasn't being blackmailed? As I explore the answer, his heroism seems less plausible. Before the threat, he- as with all other dl men- had his cake and well, ate liberally.

Sure, society is not generally kind to glbt people. What few understand is that we glbt are forced to question all major decisions in our lives for fear of discrimination, hate or ridicule. Kids get harassed at school for being gay; glbt people lose jobs and promotions; gays are injured or die at the hands of homophobes; the word "fag" continues to be used with no consequence yet millions of everyday glbt people still find the courage to go on without living double lives or cowardly making the "easy choice." Sure, the journey is tough, but the pain eventually fades into a personal world of self-acceptance- ironically much as Jim McGreevey now describes in his book. Unfortunately, he cheated on his road to acceptance- carrying along his heterosexual spouse and child on his journey.

By in large, what I'm attempting to convey is that now that McGreevey has confessed multiple times to the State of New Jersey, to his wife, in his book and on Oprah, he can sleep better at night; but he took the cowardly road and left a mess behind him that he no longer has to clean up- especially knowing he could have avoiding the scandal in the first place by being who he was pre-vows, birth certificates and office. Gay married men everywhere should take heed that a lie can only be lived for so long and the longer one waits, the higher the potential for internal and external pain.

I, as well as millions of glbt people around the world, know full well the anguish of not being able to come out and the fear that engulfs our existence once we do. But ultimately, it comes down to a choice: Face the fear head on or hide behind it until forced to come clean. Could McGreevey have come out given his career and family? Of course, at some consequence. Would he have if he were not being extorted? Probably not seeming he had the best of both worlds- a New Jersey state trooper escort to his lover's house, then home to his wife. McGreevey could have used his political career to further acceptance of glbt people. Instead, he's using a scandalous confession in hopes of doing the same. Once again, the easy road.

Profile:
James (Jim) McGreevey

News:
McGreevey Hopes Book Brings Acceptance
New Jersey Governor Resigns After Coming Out
New Jersey Domestic Partnership Law

McGreevey Polls:

1. Would McGreevey have come out if he weren't blackmailed?
   Yes | No ( see results)
2. Will McGreevey's confessions help other gay politicians come out of the closet?
   Yes | No ( see results)
3. Will McGreevey's failed political career deter other gay married men from coming out for fear of consequences?
   Yes | No ( see results)
4. Should politicians maintain traditional relationships?
   Yes, leaders should preserve tradition |
   No, a person's sexuality doesn't affect their ability to lead ( see results)