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Ramon Johnson

Interracial Gay Dating

By July 3, 2007

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It's been over 40 years since anti-miscegenation laws ended, but some would argue that integration is far from being synonymous with cultural understanding, even in relationships.

Issue: Loving v. Virginia and Gay Marriage

We all know integration laws give legal protections; they don't force cultural interaction. Are we still uneasy about exogamy? Although we as LGBT people share commonalities, perhaps cultural differences draw us apart. Many prides and bars already separate by race and ethnicity. Some cite environment, others comfort, and still a few, personal taste as reasons why we frequent places that attract specific crowds. The common bond is same-sex attraction. Things differ when we talk about culture, music, lifestyle, etc. But, when it comes to dating and relationships, should we extend an invitation?

Gay Life forum member Dahighest is "a single African-American homosexual male" that feels "a strong attraction to guys of other races." Dahighest also feels that the "homosexual lifestyle is highly segregated." Frustrated, Dahighest wrote: "Most of my homosexual friends are all Black and the couple of times I went to the clubs, there was NO diversity. I would love to potentially date a White, Hispanic, or Asian guy but I don't know how to even start towards meeting one. I realize that as I get older, my taste is changing and I am attracted to different things than I was say, a year ago. So, for anyone out there in an interracial homosexual relationship, how did you jump it off?"

Longtime member Tony suggests Dahighest "jump it off the same as with someone of the same race."

"I find race to be a non-issue," Tony says. "Cultural differences can be an issue, but I don't see any reason to give much consideration to race. You are either attracted to a person or you are not. They are either attracted to you or they are not. The race of either of you is irrelevant if you like each other." (More on this discussion)

What are your feelings about interracial gay relationships? Are you in an interracial relationship? How do you feel when you see an African-American man holding hands with a Caucasian man or a Caucasian man with an Asian man, and so on?

More About Race Relations:
Read more about race history and race relations on Race Relations at About.com.
Comments
July 3, 2007 at 5:45 pm
(1) Blktino1971 says:

I’m a black male early 30′s and in my environment(East Coast) it’s very much normal to see blacks and hipanic together since we are common in so many ways. It is slowly coming acceptable to date a white guy with the younger, upcoming generation. Its harder for older guys of color to easily forgive decades of depression. I’ve been on the West Coast where it is almost tapoo to date anyone outside your race. My latino boyfriend and I were both asked why were we with each other; making us both feel very uncomfortable while we out.

July 5, 2007 at 10:21 am
(2) Pete says:

I’m a white man who dates only black men. I’m planning on going to Black Gay Pride in NYC by myself. Would I be welcomed?

July 5, 2007 at 12:35 pm
(3) The Maestro says:

I have often desire to date outside of my because I had gotten so tired of the bull from my own people. So many games and jive. Not many wanting to solid, monogamous relationship; they just wanted sex. Then when I finally decided to take that chance I attended this gay bar in my home town and they looked at me as if I was something under their feet. Mind you, I am African American and when I dress down I look like I could be a thug, but I am far from. I am college educated and have a love for the English language. However, I met a few guys, but none seem interested in the smart, cute, sexy AA guy.

August 7, 2011 at 11:38 am
(4) SABottom says:

Man I feel your pain. I am a submissive bi married pale white boy that use to find on yahoo groups some wonderful African American tops that would use me as they wished and I loved everyone of them. But as all things changed and yahoo changed their groups then the wonderful black men moved away or found younger white boys, I’m having a hard time of finding men that peak my desires. Thing is I don’t care so much about age as long as legal or size or even looks. Best guy I was ever with was an old dominate black man that was 5 ft 6 inches tall and weighted in at 385 pounds. Within 2 minutes of bumping into him at a Wal-Mart he gave me the most passionate kiss that melted my soul into his being. I didn’t even care if it was in a public place and people were watching. After he took me I found out he was very intellectual and so sensual that I many times afterwards degraded myself for him in front of his friends and strangers. I do wish the day would come I could find another wonderful African American man. What I’m saying is you never know where that next passion will come from or how long it will last. I’m not really sure if there are that many solid monogamous relationships left in this world, but I understand wanting one.
A San Antonio white boy in wanting

July 26, 2007 at 6:55 pm
(5) YinYang says:

I am saddened by the racism that exists in the gay community still, after all these years. I have dated men of many races; my current boyfriend is African-American and I am German/Irish-American.

When I came out in a very small Southern city many years ago there was such a feeling of camaraderie and survival that men of all colors played, dated, and loved alongside the lesbians and transgender folk without any awareness of differences. We were one community in our effort to survive in a very hostile atmosphere.

My last few boyfriends have all been African-American but I have also dated Latinos, Asians, Native Americans, and other white men. I am drawn physically to men who are African-American but it is always the man’s personality, his integrity, and his outlook on life that keep me coming back for more.

As long as we can continue talking about these issues I reserve hope that we can reach a point where race doesn’t matter at all.

September 16, 2007 at 2:33 am
(6) kay says:

I am a transgender m2f who is dating a Black God from London. As a teen, (Many many years ago) I was attracted to dark skinned black men. I longged for a ltr with a black man, but was used as a one night stand, (So many hot guys!) I’ve been “out” as a woman since i was 16. and wanted a boyfriend to go to clubs with. all of my American suitor’s just dumpped thier load and split. But “Bob” is from England, and into the same kinks as me. I don’t care what uptight people think. I love my Master, And he loves me as his Wife.

November 2, 2007 at 6:09 am
(7) Bryan says:

I’m a white man in a wonderful relationship with a black man. I just turned 32 and he’s approaching 29. He has dated other white guys, as well as other blacks in the past, but this is my first relationship with a black man.

I had never considered dating a black guy. When I met my partner, I fell in love, and it just felt right. There really wasn’t much thought put into it. Although I had never been attracted to black men in the past, race was not an issue. I opened my mind and my heart, and I am glad that I did. It just feels natural. We have been together 8 months, and I know we will be together for a long time.

There is a lot of talk these days about being “post gay”, like being gay is not such an issue anymore, we are blending into the straight world more and more. I’d like to feel that is also true about interracial couples. So far, we have been warmly accepted in our community, and have friends of all races. We have encountered some prejudice, but it has been rare.

One thing I have been very surprised about, is the lack of support and information in the entertainment, media, and social groups for couples like us. I ran across this article by searching for the phrase “gay interracial” and there is very little on the web other than porn. (and even that is scarce)

I guess we are a rare item. I hope someday there will be more unity and harmony between races, gay and otherwise, for we are not all that different.

April 22, 2011 at 11:41 am
(8) Lloyd says:

You can look up BWMT – National Association of Black and White Men Together for support.

November 12, 2007 at 7:04 am
(9) Junior says:

I’m a white guy who just recently came out. I am very attracted to black guys, though I don’t exclude white guys. I live in Portland Oregon, which is a pretty gay friendly place. I recently met a black guy who is just about the greatest guy I’ve ever met. Every moment with him is fun and laughs. He’s clever as hell, works hard, and has a great sense of humor. Nothing physical has happened as of yet, but I’m hopeful. Anyway, there’s obviously nothing about black men that makes them less intellectually satisfying. I can attest to that. People differ, but the differences are sometimes a big part of what makes someone attractive.

November 29, 2007 at 1:57 am
(10) J Martinez K says:

I’m mixed Latino and white and so when someone of pure descent (white, Latino or black) is dating me they are experiencing someone of a mixed background. I am 38 yo and I have dated since I was 18. I had a relationship with a Dominican and another relationship with a white dude. Now I met a younger Cuban-Puerto Rican guy. Guys always ask, on the dirst date, what my background is and they usually just say that it’s cool. I’ve never experienced problems. I hope everyone finds someone to love and put away the color/ethnic issues and just love him for who he is and not what his background is.

December 5, 2007 at 2:59 pm
(11) jbd says:

i am an mature WM who dates nothing but men of color in the south. I would love to have a special relationship with a man that wants me for me and not my car, money or a place to stay. not to say all men of color are like that but the ones that i meet are. i often wonder what i do wrong?? i am giving loving caring just want a good trustworthy honest guy!

December 18, 2007 at 1:07 am
(12) KG says:

I am a South Asian man that was born and raised on the East Coast… i finally came out..and i realized that most gay guys are pretty racist… More than once has a guy said to me “I don’t do Indians” what the $%#&@…. It is hard enough for us to be accepted in society and now this.. now everyone please don’t be offended but I don’t have the “Apu” accent, I am educated, well spoken and pretty normal, hey I get more dates from women than men….

WHAT GIVES

January 3, 2008 at 11:23 pm
(13) Charles Littleton says:

My partner, Hadji, is a 38 year old African American Male. I am a 60 year old white. I am big and “distinguished” looking. He is pretty and has a gorgeous slender body. We look very different except in our pretty hazel eyes. Our educations are very different, our upbring, how life has treated us, etc. But we fell in love because we believe in each other, please each other and compliment each other. To me, I dont see him as black, I see him as gorgeous and fun. We read each other’s minds. To me, he is more attractive than any man or woman I have ever seen, in person, in a movie ,on TV or in a magizine. We kiss in public(Atlanta) I dont understand why color or culture makes difference. This is the 21 century, not the 19th.

March 12, 2008 at 11:25 am
(14) MAH says:

I have read these comments with great interest being a white male of British descent now living in Australia.
I have traveled very extensively meeting and living with a wide variety of ethnicities. I have an overwhelming attraction to black men primarily followed by men of other racial groups: indians, asians, arabs etc. I don’t know where this attraction comes from but it is very strong and, given the choice between an attractive white man and an unattractive black man, I would probably choose the latter as a sex partner!!
My situation is further complicated (if you can call it that) by the fact that I am 64 years old and usually attracted to guys under the age of 40. However, I’d probably prefer a 55 year old black man to a 25 year old white man if I were given the choice.
If this makes me sound ‘shallow’ I have to say that it is a genuine deepseated and, to me, natural preference which I’m anable to do anything about – not that I want to!
I just wish that 40 years ago I’d chosen to live somewhere with a greater black population than Australia as my personal life might well have been far more satisfying!

March 29, 2008 at 8:42 pm
(15) BGMNCO says:

So many of you have posted such optimistic dating experiences. I have unfortunately not been that lucky especially in the cities, I’ve lived in. I’m in Denver, CO and it’s extremely difficult to compete; if you will, with the abundance of white and latino guys. I do or would rather be with another black male, like where I grew up, just aren’t many. I’ve dated white guy’s and I seemed to be more novelty or; see I’m not prejudice. it’s insulting and demeaning. It’s gotten old and I’m starting to get older. Really needing to get to a place were I belong.

May 27, 2008 at 4:00 pm
(16) Troy says:

I am a 39yr old white gay male who is quickly falling in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is smart, handsome, has a big heart and makes me feel like the most important man in the world. He is black. And our only problem is that we live 2000 miles apart.

July 2, 2008 at 3:51 pm
(17) Rick says:

I find that the Gay Arena can be discriminating towards each otherand the Gay Arena is faced with discrimination. Speaking of interracial dating, I am a Person of Color/Black with a Cafe Au lait Complexion. My ancestry breeded with the French and Spanish on the Gulf Coast Hundreds of Years ago and were free people of color. In other words, I am light complexion and that makes me no different for being Black. My concern is when I see a Black and White couple Straight or Gay in America, is appears that the Black Person hates his or her Blackness and actually rolls their eyes ( and they usually are the darker complexion Blacks) when you give them eye contact…Especially in the State of Arizona. I feel that if you are Black, don’t lose your Blackness and remember this is America. If you fall in love with someone who’s White,the playing fieldis never equal? Can your lover if he is a CEO make you a partner of the firm (other than working in the mailroom)? Can you accomplish material things on your own without your white lover? Is it Just a sexual fantasty for your white lover to have a hung black lover? Is his family accepting to you during the holidays or festivals and does he invite you? Does you white lover makes excuses to accomodate his request? Why is there division among White and Black Gays and shouldn’t the income and social standards be the same for both? These are my questions because I have dated white men in the past but they had to be on my level or above. Education wise, I have a masters degree, I have owned 5 homes before age 38, I didn’t depend on family, friends or a lover to help me and I earned it the hard way by honest work and GOD. In addition, I would like to add that yes, there are black men who have fathers’, who’s parents’ were married at birth, who live and have lived middle and Upper Middle class backgrounds and who have followed and abided by the laws of America and are still looked down upon and not given the opportunities. There have been times I have entered an all white gay club and the looks I get are like..what are you doing here as well as if there is a Black men in the room (with all white men), the Black men roll their eyes at black men, as myself. You fall in love with whoever..All I am saying is never lose your identity because in reality, this is America,and America will catch you off guard. And yes, I have dated black men and the same rule applies (be half way on my level or meet me half way).A supposedly straight white male friend said to me, “he only dates black woman because they don’t require or ask as much as white women.” My response to him was, ” I was raised with an Au Pair/Nanny and I wouldn’t date you because you don’t have enough money for the life style I was born into.” In my rebuttal to him was can you say Africa, where Tiffany, DeBeers and Harry Winston love? Can you say 20 to 50 Carats, Color, Cut and Clarity over $25,000,000.00 dollars than you cannot afford me..In other words maybe because the women had no “FACE Value” on themselves. I have lived the entire USA, North & South and East & West and it is the same with the race situation. I would like to leave this closing remark, “Give people respect, whoever they are because the Gay world at times (as well as the world) can be too Shallow and don’t lose your identity.

July 8, 2008 at 5:44 pm
(18) Yeap says:

Wow;

Rick,

You are telling the truth about the race thing and catty ways over gay men behaving to each other.. Bravo!!!!!!

August 19, 2008 at 6:58 pm
(19) Jay says:

I am a 35 yo white guy in Philadelphia, PA and lost my “cherry” to a big strong black man at under the board walk in Wildwood, NJ when I was 17. Every since my most thrilling sexual encounters and best relationships have been with black men. My time with black men opened my eyes to how difficult it is for minorities in the US to receive equal treatment and to “feel” equal as well. I hope future generations are able to clean up the mess the previous ones have left behind. Until then I will do my part and I encourage everyone I know, men and women, to experience interracial love – it brings the world closer to perfection…..

August 27, 2008 at 11:27 pm
(20) gm says:

come on guys. you like what you like. stop making excuses for liking a African-American or white man. people tend to read so much into what others think of them in these relationships. almost all the comments seem to come from up-scale people. you seem to want to define your relationship as,”we just feel in love”. you seem to be scared to say, ” I love black men”. we are going to be with people we feel most comfortable with. people are racist all around the world. if you go to places that look down on you why do you insist on staying and spending your money their. ETHNICITY, is not based on genetic hertiage but on long-terms patterns of behavior that have some historical significance.

October 3, 2008 at 1:23 am
(21) Teetee says:

I’m a 40yr black man residing in San Diego, CA and for the most part, me and my friends of color, especially my black friends don’t feel welcome in S.D. gay community. I tend to travel a lot, and I do notice that each place is different, rather it’s in another country or here in the U.S. I do see more segregation in certain cities, than others. The black gay community is small in S.D., so we are usually ignored in night clubs, restaurants, and community events. Therefore, we establish or own pride and cultural events. I do see a lot of interracial relationships across the country, but it doesn’t really bother me. But, I do wonder sometimes how the black guy feels about his own people. I occasionally get eye rolls if I make eye contact with a young brother that’s with a white dude. I do find some white guys attractive, but most just see me as a sex object. I tried establishing a relationship with a couple of white guys, but it’s difficult because they seemed to see me as a trophy or ownership. I often see a lot of young brothers being own, and I don’t like it. However, I do see mature interracial gay couples that has been together for years. Unfortunately, I have only one white gay friend. And with all the white people in San Diego, this is wild. We are very segregated here. I even seen white guys ridicule their friends if they caught them looking at black guys. A few times, white guys were afraid to approach me because the didn’t want their friends to see them checking me out. If I approached them, they play these silly games to block their attraction. Tho’, it’s the same with black guys, too. People are people, but I think we should be real with each other and not be concern about what others think (most of the time). My friends won’t even go in the gay area and they cringe when I decide to go there alone to have dinner or a drink. It’s too bad, because regardless if I’m welcome or not, I’m a human being and I have a right to be anywhere I desire. I wish my friends felt the same way.

November 9, 2008 at 10:27 pm
(22) Sean says:

I think that the rejection of gay minorities as sexual partners is rooted in the alienation many gay men feel about themselves i.e. I am already feeling different from the mainstream even though I pass unnoticed so why would I compound it by associating with a visible minority?

As Barak Obama said, people all have prejudices that would dissolve once they interact and get to know you but, if you don’t even get to a conversation, nothing changes.

My advice — make the first move and make the effort to interact.

November 18, 2008 at 10:45 am
(23) Rachel says:

A passing thought of this topic.As a transsexual in the Denver area I have found gay black men almost non existant of sorts.Perhaps just that i’m older and more settled.

I really enjoy the black culture and there outlook on life.I have seen much animosity in the glbt community but more towards each other and not color.

Wouldn’t it just be nice to have real friends with no rules?

December 1, 2008 at 10:39 pm
(24) keeth says:

As a black man in my 30s in atlanta, I get the impression that white men that prefer or are open to dating black men are at a definite advantage. I see a fair number of interracial couples. What puzzles me is how often the black half of the couple is usually much younger, thinner and better looking than the white half. Is it that the pickins are so slim that young brothers must be open to dating guys twice their age if they want him to be white? I have only dated white men seriously and none of them have been more than a few years older than me (my current is 8 years older) Its well known that black men like to date outside of their race moreso than any other group of people. Could it be self hatred? Growing up, I found myself exposed to blond/blue standards of beauty so I’m surprised that anyone else was not affected by it.
As a side note, despite mostly dating white men, almost all my friends are black. I really can’t stand brothas that think that by trying to look or act white, they will attract more white men. Who are they fooling?

January 19, 2009 at 12:02 pm
(25) Matt says:

I am a 21 year old white male who has been dating a 22 year old black male for almost two years. We met online and have been in love ever since. I was in sociology class today and learned about how rare interracial relationships are in the US. During class I was thinking about how hard it would be to tell people that I am dating a black man. Additionally, I was curious to see how hard it is for other people who are in the same relationship (hence why I came to this site). Unfortunately, both of our parents have strong religious backgrounds and are not accepting towards homosexuality. For these reasons, we have had talks about not ever coming out and trying to live “normal” lives. Being from Ghana, he feels that he doesn’t really have much of a choice. Another problem is that I currently live in CT and he lives in GA. We have visited each other on three occasions and I have had the best times of my life. Thanks everyone for your posts and telling your stories. ps. I love you kid…even though you probably will never read this unless I tell you about it.

February 10, 2009 at 6:40 pm
(26) TIM says:

I WOULD NEVER DATE A BLACK MAN FOR THE SIMPLE FACT REASON THAT THEY ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING. THIS IS COMING FROM A BLACK MAN.

February 15, 2009 at 4:44 pm
(27) greg says:

Considering all the racism and white privilege that’s out there in the gay community, I’m always amazed that there are men of color out there who are willing to date white men. But as a white men who appreciates black male beauty, I say hallelujah!

Its seems to me that in general African-Americans tend to be more upfront with their opinions and tend to speak more plainly about what’s on their minds. I really admire this. I come from a pretty uptight social background and have consciously tried to undo this social conditioning. The more time I spend around black men, the less uptight I feel.

And besides, everyone knows chocolate tastes good, so does vanilla, but when you put them together, yummy! :)

March 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm
(28) Christian says:

I find it really funny that there is any talk at all about the controversy of interracial dating among gays. Frankly, in Chicago most couples I know are interracial- you see black men with white or latino men more often than with other black men.

And as to guys “not doing Indian guys,” it’s just a personal attraction thing. Some men just prefer a certain kind of guy, but unfortunately there is a significant racism streak among whites in the US against South Asians. Their loss, and for everyone who says “I don’t do Indian guys,” there are two who would be more than willing! :-)

So, is there racism within the gay community- sure, of course! Just like in any other community (and white aren’t the only ones who are racist, by the way). I think it’s much less racist than other communities though- just come to Boystown in Chicago to find out!

November 1, 2011 at 4:16 am
(29) john dexter says:

i want yah

March 31, 2009 at 9:24 pm
(30) Chi says:

There is a diffient race issue in the gay community when it comes down to blacks. The general gay community as a whole in the united states looks at blacks as undesirable. blacks arent included in many aspects of the gay community such as in gay publications. many guys including other black guys (weirdly enough), claim they could never “bring themselves” to dating a black guy. it is something that is looked down upon in the eyes of many guys. however on the flip side if a black guy is decent enough in looks, others may consider them for a one night stand sex partner but nothing beyond that but the later happens to the best of all gay men. i find a higher level of racism amongst the younger gay generation. i guess this falls from the general nature of the country and its outlook towards african americans. the gay community still has a long way to go for racial harmony.

April 10, 2009 at 2:08 pm
(31) Joetx says:

Unfortunately, all the wonderful people who have posted positive experiences in interracial relationships are the exception rather than the rule. I find that there is hardly any representation of gay people of color in the gay media. Images play a BIG role in what people find attractive. I am a GAM. We are at the bottom of the totem pole.

January 30, 2011 at 9:32 pm
(32) mark says:

Hey… the love of my life is Asian. I think you guys are great. You should give yourself more credit. Why do you think you’re at the bottom of the pole?

May 3, 2009 at 4:29 pm
(33) Tim says:

I am a young gay black man and I only date white men because black men are no good for me. They are liars, cheaters, dead beat fathers, criminals, thugs, jail birds, jobless, drug dealers, gang bangers, gangsters and everything else. Black men are extremely homophobic. Black men are abusive towards women. Black men are child abusers.

May 7, 2009 at 4:01 pm
(34) gaylife says:

Wow, Tim. Does that include me as well?

May 13, 2009 at 3:42 pm
(35) Tim says:

I said it once and I will say it again, black men are no good for me plain and simple. Yes that applies to you too gaylife. I had one bad experience with a black man and that did it to me.

April 19, 2011 at 4:27 am
(36) SuproKool says:

Dude… Dude, dude, dude… I normally just browse these, but you pulled me in to respond…

1st: If you are joking, then good play, mate.

2nd: If you are not… Wow. WOW.

You can never say that ALL people in any imagined arbitrary group are all something… All black men, eh? With no deviations?

OKay….

I am not blind, and I do notice trends; but dude, you are just really ridiculous with this one. Maybe you could try to be more specific.

I know lots of black males (most aren’t gay, but that’s another story).

One group is engineers and doctors and stuff. Another group are straight from a ‘hood movie…

What I have noticed is that a lot of people tend to buy into whatever they feel they need to in order to be accepted…

Weaker minded dudes from a place where it is seen as ‘strong’ to persecute the more feminine types will often play the roles they need to to be accepted…

To be fair, you should target weak minded dudes with no integrity who act a certain way or something… not “all males with some ‘noticable’ recent African genetic traits…”

I have dated girls and guys (I have gotten a lot of sh*t for it- oh well; life is to short to care what stupid people think, right?)

I was on a date with one girl and she started saying stuff like that- I determined that she had some serious self esteem issues (maybe you do too, but who knows). She was toxic, and didn’t get a second date…

But seriously, if you like white guys, that’s hot- but maybe it’s more healthy just cus you might think they are hot and you respect them.

But anyway, I wish you all the best with your searching…

BTW, my dad is half black, does that make me no good too?

September 7, 2011 at 8:42 pm
(37) Tim says:

YOU ARE DISGUSTING ON TWO LEVELS. THE FIRST ONE IS YOU ARE HALF BLACK AND I ONLY DATE MEN WHO ARE 100% WHITE. PERIOD END OF STORY.THE SECOND REASON IS THAT YOU ARE BISEXUAL. ALL BISEXUAL MEN DO IS CHEAT. BISEXUAL MEN ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE ALONG WITH BLACK MEN.

May 14, 2009 at 7:47 pm
(38) Sonny says:

I’m a 45 year european New Zealander and my partner is an indigenous ‘Maori’ New Zealander. It’s funny how we as global society have to compartmentalise everything,as if its that simple, even down to sub categorising people….pointless and irrelevant. I don’t define myself just beacause I’m gay or white or by class…I prefer to define myself on my values. Guys here have commented about interracial couples being invisible. That might be because there is no need to be visible just for being gay, There’s more than just being gay that definesus. I met my beautiful man because we connected and I like to think because it was meant to be.It didn’t come down to prefernce for this or that or how each of us ought to be like…it just was. My take is…clear the mind of all the clutter and just let things unfold with another guy as it should and if it is to be…it will be!

Sonny
Auckland, New Zealand

May 17, 2009 at 5:26 pm
(39) Frank says:

Hi i am atraccted to black men i would love live my dream of cuddleing one for the sense of security in someones arms that means more to me than sex

May 21, 2009 at 3:01 pm
(40) keeth says:

LMAO @ Tim. You sorry excuse for a black boy. You had ONE (count it) ONE bad experience with a black man and thus have the right to call them all liars and cheaters. Newsflash, if you can’t stand black men so much, why shouldnt the white boys you chase adopt the same philosophy? What happens when they have their ONE bad experience? You will be shit outta luck I guess.
Look babygirl, if you like white meat, if thats what makes u wet your panties, thats fine! But dont put brothers down in order to justify your attraction to white men. Own up to it. You just like white boys.

May 23, 2009 at 10:32 pm
(41) Rachel says:

Well I have to say the impossible has happend.Last year I had almost given up hope of finding a man,that has changed.He is a very tall,strong thinking black man,so proud of him.Weare looking at getting married in a state that allows same sex marriage.

We mostly hang around the black community both straight and gay openly.I was scared at first but have found more accepting souls than one could believe.I have found now “the greatest fear is fear itself” We are open and happy,looking to open a small coffee shop in the near future.Proves it can be done.

June 5, 2009 at 8:36 am
(42) gio says:

im a 20 yo white guy from newark, NJ. First i was not really attracted to other races….i dont know why….until i met my current boyfriend. He is a 26 yo african-american. He is a very masculine muscled smart and sweet guy. We are together for 2 years now….he just gives me a feeling that a white guy could never give me. I just moved in with him in brooklyn, NY. We never had negative reactions about our interracial relationship, and we were often called the cutest couple they ever saw. I know that we ll be together for a looong time….and i think an interracial relationship is a beautiful thing.

I love my man

June 10, 2009 at 9:53 pm
(43) josh says:

Yes, i am a 21 year old white male who lives in D.C. I am only into black guys. i don’t know why but white guys CAN NOT turn me on physically. I can’t explain it, however none of my other white male friends are into black guys. I always go to the majority black clubs and get looks but it’s rare i get a hit. I think it may have something to do with the fact that most white guys wont date a black guy. I’m thinking about just buying a t-shirt that specifies my preference when i go out lol

June 12, 2009 at 10:39 am
(44) Michael says:

Tim, your self-loathing is disgusting. What classy, dignified, sophisticated, intelligent, educated, successful, forward-thinking, faithful, etc. would EVER find someone as deeply and dangerously insecure as you even remotely attractive? They aren’t losing anything valuable by your contempt for them. They don’t need you, especially if they have any love or respect for themselves. Which is something you obviously don’t have.

June 12, 2009 at 10:44 am
(45) Michael says:

Black man, that is. Needless to say.

June 13, 2009 at 2:01 am
(46) fc says:

I Think that black male who prefers mostly a white male something is wrong, i think it mostly due to bad experiences with some black men not all white men are good either.

June 13, 2009 at 3:35 pm
(47) rollingwood178 says:

I completely understand the interracil dating and the discrimination, but look at if from my eyes if you will. I am originally from the Caribbean, grew up in Washington DC and now live in Sacramento, CA and on top of that I am bi-sexual. I have gone from a culture (the caribbean) to where sexuality is very open, and race doesn’t matter, to a liberal (washington dc) state that amongst gays and bi-sexuals there is not so much discrimination but rules to a conservative liberal (Sacramento) place where it is out right discrimination. Whites guys don’t want anything outside of their own and vice versa with latinos, whites, asians and blacks. But what’s even harder is being bi-sexual just because we find interest in both doesn’t mean we are incapable of monagamy which is sad to me because the shortest relationship I have ever had has been five years and the average gay relationship last 7months and the average hetero last 3 years. I do understand that peoople have preferences based on their values, sexual appeal, faith…etc. But there is no need to discrimatory against ethnic groups. It is hard enough being gay or bi! I have received nasty emails when I have posted on Craigslist looking for an actual date and disclosed my ethnicity. It has gotten to the point now I don’t post anymore and the first I ask is are they ok with my ethnicity. Unfortunately, most of them don’t answer back which is a pretty strong indicator. Look people there is a proper way to let someone know that you are not interested without becoming a bigot. Currently my boyfriend of 1yr is Italian/French and Argentinan, yes he is gorgeous and he thinks the same of me! Well I hope I didn’t open a can of worms, thanks for the comments, please keep posting.

June 14, 2009 at 12:13 am
(48) Tim says:

Black men will never be good enough for me to date. Hell, they are not even good enough to be my friend. The only 2 things that black men are good for are sports and entertainment and that’s it. Why? Because they are too stupid for the real world.

June 14, 2009 at 4:40 pm
(49) draycus says:

Tim, why would you waste our time making comments like that? Why don’t you check out the Anti-Deformation League’s website and find out what websites they are monitoring, and then go to those websites and leave your comments there, where those of your ilk will unanimously applaud your rather all inclusive negative comments about black males.

Anyhow, Tim, I don’t think this website is for people like you, so what’s your point really?

June 15, 2009 at 7:49 am
(50) Michael says:

^ BRAINWASHED

June 16, 2009 at 1:28 pm
(51) Michael says:

I’m starting to think you aren’t being serious, Tim, and it’s just one long, tired and unfunny joke. You are probably blacker than an ace of spades. YOU WILL NEVER BE WHITE no matter how desperately you try. I hope it doesn’t kill you when you realize this…

June 16, 2009 at 1:48 pm
(52) Tim says:

All I know is that i have had nothing but bad experiences with black men and so therefore i am done with them.

June 17, 2009 at 4:53 am
(53) Manny says:

Ugh…. I’m 16 and wanted help on this issue, I’m not out but reading all these comments scares me. My the way I’m black.

June 17, 2009 at 3:14 pm
(54) Draycus says:

Tim, we are all aware of your claim of having so-called bad experiences with black men — or that’s what you’ve written here, which we really can’t validate. None the less, now that you’ve spued out your not-so-credible nefarious maledictions about black males (getting your 15 minutes of attention) we can safely assume that there is really nothing more for you to write on that topic, because you’ve effectively vomited that filth all over this site. Now it’s time for reasonable people to disinfect this discussion board to prevent further contamination. So Tim, please be reasonable with any additional comments on this topic.

June 18, 2009 at 1:14 pm
(55) Draycus says:

Tim, it appears that you hate yourself. And this is not the discussion board that deals with those types of mental maladies. To issue such nefarious maledictions concerning black men is evidence of your troubled state of mind.

Since, there is little else left for you to add negatively to this topic, since you’ve emptied your self-loathing mental garbage, I hope that you’re feeling better now. In your own best interest, you should get some professional mental help.

June 18, 2009 at 3:28 pm
(56) gaylife says:

Tim,

Thank you for your comments. You’ve shared your opinion several times within this same post. I would like to stay on topic. So, in the best interest of this discussion, please refrain from commenting further. If not, I will have no choice but to close the discussion.

June 19, 2009 at 11:07 pm
(57) Tim says:

The truth hurts don’t it.

June 21, 2009 at 1:21 am
(58) wpsegura says:

I am a Caribbean mutt (Haitian, Cuban, Puerto Rican, and Dominican) and my partner is Filipino and Caucasian. We are a very happy couple, and in the pat I have dated, Mexican, Puerto Rican, and African Americans. So I am very color blind. I feel that people are attracted to a person, bot their color. Some of these comments totally disturb me. This is the 21st century, and we are still discussing this. People please come together, this is why the gay community is so divided.

June 25, 2009 at 1:17 am
(59) PCTexasWildcatz says:

I’m a white middle-aged guy who has dated seveal black men in the past. And there is nothing wrong with a interracial reationship! And there should NOT be a seperate pride party for either race. Because, it’s simply not right to hold a pride for whites and a pride for blacks, and a pride for Asians, and so on. But, in this country that’s never going to happen, because deep-divided, long standing racial tensions that still extist. If a white guy want to date a black, or Asian, or Hispanic, then go for it! But, there should not be a separate pride for any race!

July 10, 2009 at 5:30 pm
(60) georgia says:

I am black and have been attracted to white guys since middle school before I even knew I was gay. The attraction has always been there. I grew up in a black household and had many black friends. I’ve been treated nice and bad by both black and white. I think there are attractive men of all races, but they never really turn my head as much as white men. I can look at a black man or asian or latino and say “wow, he is very handsome.” But, if I see a handsome white guy, he might linger in my mind. Of course, we know that I am not attracted to ALL white guys just because he is white. Sometimes the white models in the magazines don’t do anything for me either. While I’m in my 30s, I’m not looking for a “hot” 20-something or a “settled” over-40-something. On the flip side, if I were straight, I’m more attracted to black women than white. Attraction is sooooo complex.

July 14, 2009 at 11:26 am
(61) clarelsan says:

i also like white guys and i am of indian descendant but i cant find anyone. hopefully i will somehow find someone one day

July 16, 2009 at 5:54 am
(62) Derek says:

I don’t know why I am posting, but I happened on this article and read all the comments and one in particular caused me to feel the need to spill my guts.

Like a previous commenter, I am white and lost my cherry to a black man at 17. I had never considered dating outside of my race, but mostly because I grew up in an all-white community. When I came out I drove to a larger city for weekends at the gay clubs (they let minors in), and that is where I met him (I was still in high school). He was older (26yo), handsome, dangerous and closeted (on the dl) and sweep me off my feet feeding me lines like, “you could be a model” (I was really fucking cute back then, but even I knew better.. but I believed that he meant it). He was so different than all the country boys I grew up with, I totally fell in love and thought I found my soul mate. Of course 4 months later he stabbed a man to death and went to prison. Before that happened tho, he got tired of me and passed me around to 3 of his friends (I was too stupid and naive to realize what was happening – each time one of them got tired of using me, another friend of his would start calling me the next day), and I got infected with HIV by one of them – I don’t know which one.

I am 28 now, and I am on meds and am currently healthy, but I do not date much because of my trust issues and the fact I am very upfront about my HIV poz status. It would be easy for me to hate black men because of my experience I guess. I don’t hate them, but I won’t date them either despite now living in a heavily mixed area.

I have a hard time trusting anyone who expresses interest in me – especially black men. When someone hits on me I immediately become suspicious of their motives and look for faults in them. I also don’t blame an entire race for what that group did to me, and I know there are a lot of good black men out there. I mostly blame myself: my lack of experience and good judgement and my teenage need for affection and love allowed some very bad people to destroy my life, and what pisses me off the most is – 11 years later they probably don’t even remember me, but I have to think of them every day.

May 12, 2011 at 12:38 am
(63) Andrew says:

OMG THAT MADE ME CRY…im 22 and mixraced….and that brought me to tears…

July 18, 2009 at 8:27 am
(64) Nils says:

I am black Portuguese born in Angola, a former portuguese colony. My mother is the daughter of a white man and a black woman. In my family we have all shades of blackness. my mother for instance can pass for a white woman and majority of people assume my mother is white wich makes her laugh because people can be so shawllow. Growing up was though(people could quite hurtful-prejudice speaking) it was in my face. All us me my sister and brother we are adopted. The way I was brought up is that race is just irrelevant. Character is relevant. Believe or not in Europe is by far more open but the same time more difficult sometimes u are seen as exotic but I turn the tables around. If life was so easy is more complicated than that. I have date few men but if I have a problem is not with race but finding a Man(with capital M). I had terrible experiences-yes with White guys but I believe they were bad because they were screwed up (I am sorry the language),but they were my mistakes I staid nobody force me. They had flaw in they character the same I have nobody is perfect.
Finding a black gay men educated in Europe is difficult but probably I haven’t try enough. Race as far as I am concerned is the least of my worries. It’s true there is people who only date, whites, blacks whatever other races but that’s no concern of mine. People are entitle to their own choices. We all learn so much from eachother independent of race. We tend it’s my believe to be drawn towards people with whom we have some affinity and that is education .

August 15, 2009 at 9:54 am
(65) HANES28 says:

i’m a white male, in my 40′s and have been in a interracial relationship with the same man for 6 years now. I’ve read most all the posts regarding this topic. the one thing i find holds true for all experiences is simply this: people are people.

as people, we all have certain physical attributes and characteristics that attract us to one another. this is true in both the gay and the hetro world.

sayign that all white people should only be attracted to other white people (or that black guys should only be attracted to other blrack guys) is like saying that all people with red hair should only be physically attracted to others with red hair… that short guys should only be attracted to and date other short guys.. that skinny guys should only be attracted to and date skinny guys. how boring would that be? thank God for the differences we all possess.

tim you make several loud statments about ‘black men not being and good’ well i have many friends that happen to be black as all are genuine people. i have some white friends who are flakes too… my point here is that people are people… there are good and bad people in every race and the actions of a few should never speak for the enitre group.

sure i too am physically attracted to a certian type of guy – it’s only human naute. and i beleive in letting others do their thing… if you want to date only a certain type of guy, go for it. every action we make says something about ourselves. as long as the attraction is genuine and respectful, do ya do.

variety is the spice of life!

September 7, 2009 at 10:38 pm
(66) don hartfield says:

I am a black guy and my boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years,he’s mexican and I must say that it has not been completely easy dealing with the public especially when it came down to dealing and being around other mexicans or going to clubs that he likes to go to. It’s sad but I love my papi and I don’t care how people don’t like it my love is stronger than that and so is his it just makes us stick together stronger.

September 9, 2009 at 8:48 pm
(67) Andrew says:

Hello guys…what i can i say…I am a latino guy with brown skin. I have had two boyfriends and they were Northamerican.

Please guys i want some advice.

I met him (the last one) on internet we spoke for several weeks by messenger and by webcam. He always said he wants me. He came to my country and we met. I guess he liked me because we were together for one week and i could realized how much he loved me (apparently). He went back to the states and after 3 days he said he had another boyfriend and that hurt me a lot. I tried to kill myself because i thought he left me because i wasnt atractive. So please I need a lot of helps my friends. I hope i will find my love one some day….

Thanks for all your advices

Andrew
Guatemala City Central America
andres21333@hotmail.com

September 20, 2009 at 4:46 pm
(68) Gentleman1 says:

I am a masculine, mainstream, professional African American male, originally from the east coast but am now living in Chicago. I am attracted to masculine men who are kind, thoughtful, spiritual and family oriented guys. I happen to be attracted to men with a little more formal education (however, we all know that formal education many times has nothing to do with level of integrity or character ok!) I happen to be very attracted to mainstream, masculine Latino men. The problem in Chicago is that many masculine Latino men (especially those of Mexican descent) are very very racist – there is such racial division and unawareness in Chicago. I’ve had a real real problem finding the right guy here. So…i’ve decidet to let go and let God :-)

September 23, 2009 at 6:33 pm
(69) Numerus Licentius says:

It is the attraction that comes to play first and I’m not sure that the focus on that person’s: color, creed, age, body condition, etc. is what finalized the encounter and resulting relationship. I am in an interracial relation and when my man called on me I melted and not because he was a different color but because he was sincere and mature. We rely on our natural values to live a life of life and avoid the biases that are derived from those that need to defend their position for a whatever when they fail to realize it’s their own crucifix. When you can see love in all its many forms you will have reached a greater love that exceeds beyond our visual perspective. Regardless of any race’s performance standards as compared to in education, upbringing, neighborhoods, etc. it will be our pride in each other than none can ever blemish and someday a greater community of those who seek love in life in any type of sexual preference will find eternal bliss here on earth.

October 2, 2009 at 1:54 am
(70) Scheffree says:

Ok, so Ive sat here and read a whole bunch of these, but not nearly all of them. Quickly, i will give you some back ground. I was born in ohio to a young white single mother, im white. Ive lived in Saguin Texas, where only white was ok and the mexicans where very slowly “accepted” ( bulllshit), and Campton, Kentucky, where black people where litterally run out of town by toch, pitchfork and hillbillies, and now Maine, maybe quite literally the whitest state in the USA. Now in maine, my “family” all of the close friends my mother and iI made of the years and became our new family, are white, black, mixed, a new black baby girl, arabic, hispanic, w/e we have it, in my family. I like all men, all colors. Black men are my favorite. My “cousin”( best friend known her since i was 2 and she 3 forever kinda thing) is black and only like black men, and her mother my aunt ( is white) and only likes black men. Problem maine = whitest state and those very few men who are black here , most likely deal crack or smoke it. Maine sucks, but you love who you love and even if you dont love them you should at least respect them. were all citizen of earth and were all stuck here together…..
And btw, im only white on the outside. A reversed Oreo, but its all good hunny Beyonce’ may be the Queen of her lil world, Im the Queen in reality, dont tell me what Im supposed to like. Halla. Man Down!

October 9, 2009 at 8:36 pm
(71) Traveling Boy says:

I know we are talking about interracial gay racism, but what about preferences it seems like a lot of these issues are because people are not being honest by saying they simply prefer a certain race. But I find a issue a little more perplexing that just race and that is personality and character traits for instance i am only into masculine men, with little to no drama, a job, a goal in life, no drugs and pretty discrete. It seems hardder to me to find those qualities than race. I find that is more of a problem than the race thing. Of course speaking in generalities it seems every race has gained certain stigmas. For example I have heard these things said about each race:

White guys: have lots of drama, usually into drugs, are more adventurous sexually such as bdsm, piss, toys..etc they tend to be more ecentric, usally only into Latinos and other whites

Black guys: have two extremes, thuggish or queen, they either want you to be their B@#@# or they want to be yours. Usually have HIV. Usally into blacks and latinos

Latino: also lots of drama, always jealous have uncut D#$#!, make sure they are clean and cheat all the time, usually into whites and latinos

Asian: have small D$#%$#, to submissive, rushes into relationships, non-attractive usually into all races

I believe that if you are blind enough to just look at these stereotypes and not invest time in the person you will always find what you are looking for. I think to many times people are so lonely and desperate that they try to connect with anyone who will give them attention instead becoming the person they want to attract.

I find these conversations very eye opening and interesting. Please keep posting, thanks for taking the time to listen.

October 15, 2009 at 6:02 pm
(72) Tim says:

WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN TO LEAVE BLACK MEN ALONE. THEY ARE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. BLACK MEN ARE THE WORST PERIOD. I FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE WANTING TO BE WITH A BLACK MAN BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THEY HATE THEMSELVES.

November 28, 2009 at 8:58 pm
(73) BM says:

first of all, I am a black gay man who started out with a black boyfriend. We almost looked alike too. We made an absolutely great couple. We were childhood sweethearts. He was out while I was in at that time. He was so handsome and thoughtful. We ended up having a falling out over this I believe. Time passed and I went to the military while he stayed in our hometown. I then for some reason, started to seek out and date white men. My first white lover was older and as we were dating, ahe let me know that the main reason to which white men dated black men was for their dick size. Not the person. You would think that I would have listened and went back to my black brothers after that but no, I didn’t. I ran into the arms of another white man who cheated on me with…another black man. I have about two or three other whtie male lovers who all cheated, lied and even tried to physically abuse me. You see, they thought that they were superior and at the time, so did I. I felt “lucky” to have a white guy because I bought into the myth that “black was ugly.” I have been with numerous white guys and they have all treated me badly. WHen we would go into an eatery, they would get served FIRST and when I spoke up, I was “showing my ignrance.” the initial meeting was “you are not like the others…” This was not a compliment. Meanwhile, my childhood lover passed away and I became distraught because I knew that I should have been with him instead of chasing other guys around, irrespective of their color!…It took a movie such as “TONGUES UNTIED” to rescue me from my color preference and it made we realize agan that “Black is beautiful.”…I am wiser now and as such, I feel as if my future mate will be black and or latin. I am not ruling out white men but NOW I would like to be with someone black.

December 19, 2009 at 2:23 pm
(74) brooklynbadman says:

im a 21 year old black male, and im not really white dudes like that they dont turn me on in any kid of way im mostly into latino & blacks. but i dont have a problem with dudes who date interracial if they like it i love it. dueces.

December 21, 2009 at 6:06 pm
(75) Topher says:

I stumbled upon this after putting in a query on google about segregation in gay porn. I did not find much written about it although it is quite obvious to anyone who looks. Yes I know you can FIND interracial gay porn but it is something you usually have to look for. I am not talking about gay porn where the tops are all black and the bottoms are all white, or there is a black gangbang with one white bottom, but porn where everyone is versatile and respecting of the other(but then I guess that is hard to find in white on white porn too :-) ).
I came across these postings and I was frankly quite surprised at the number of positive responses when it has come to interracial dating. I am currently in a relationship with white guy and it is a wonderful relationship. As a black man I have found that white men who are attracted to black men can be loosely placed into 3 categories:1) someone who likes black men. ANY black man regardless of any commonalities,shared interests or anything that makes for a strong friendship or relationship; these guys usually are after black dick. Period. End of story. 2) someone who is attracted to men of color in general yet profess to be colorblind. I believe the problem comes for many interracial couples that the white partner usually does not ‘see color’, which in and of itself is a wonderful thing but on the other hand can negate experiences that his black partner may have. We do not live in a post-racial society as so many so desperately want to believe. 3) someone who is attracted to a man and it turns out that that special someone is a man of color. These guys are accepting of difference, are not in a power struggle and can see that we all have had different experiences in this society depending on how we grew up, gay and white or gay and a person of color.
I happen to be physically attracted to men who are furry in body and in face which means I tend to be attracted to more white guys than black. My current partner is a long haired, long bearded hillbilly type who loves me dearly and celebrates my differences as I love him and celebrate his. That is what I think its all really about and what we all strive for the best way we know how.

December 27, 2009 at 2:24 pm
(76) jls says:

Interacial couples, I and my partner have been together for 27 years, we met when I was 17 and he just out of the army, I am white he is black, It was still a crime in some states for hetro mixed race couples to marry, we have been together ever since, and yes we faced our problems with others,if we had been opposite sex we would have been together,our same race, certian people complete each other, no matter your race, gender, look for that in life, and you will find true happiness, and you will know this person when you meet them. Good Luck to all searching.

December 29, 2009 at 4:38 am
(77) Kellen Andry says:

I am young educated african american man who has dated both white and black men. I grew up in the deep south where most white men only wanted a black man only for was sex. I have been around the world and try not to judge others for liking what they like. Funnily enough after living in London I learned how white american men have alot of racial hangups where as european men dont have those hangups.
I know some black men think I hate myself because I date white men but Oh well. Life is short.

Kellen
KAndry9710@aol.com

December 30, 2009 at 10:27 am
(78) Richard Walker says:

I believe in interracial gay relationships, as long as they’re not based on some stereotypical expectation of the other race. I go for any race, and I have not been disappointed by any. As long as a man can value and respect me, we can be together.

December 31, 2009 at 5:46 pm
(79) Donny says:

Hi, just wanted to add my bit to this. I’m an asian (Chinese) guy from the UK and it’s interesting to read about the race problems gay guys see in the US. I agree with the other Asian guy that posted earlier, we asians appear to be at the bottom of the sexual preference hierarchy and I’d add the whites are at the top. This is the same in the UK, whites mostly only like whites. I think it may be a bit different in other EU countries though. My own take on this white ‘supremacy’ is that its due to the Western media carpet bombing of hot white guys on display which teaches everyone that white guys are THE hottest race. Which is a bit annoying as in a way it’s not the white guys’ fault they don’t like other races, it’s the white controlled media perpetuating white beauty which is then consumed by mostly white people who then go on to produce more white media etc. So it’s an unfortunate by product of having one race dominate the media. See the asian country example below.

The galling irony is that gay non-whites have to contend with gay hate from straights and then race hate from other gays.

For the record I like and have been with white, asian, black and indian guys, all hot. We don’t have latino guys in the UK but I’ve seen hot latino guys in the media. My point is that every race has very hot guys.

I’ve met and heard of asian guys from Hong Kong and Thailand only wanting other asian guys. So the racism thing is operative in asian countries too, but this supports my observation that peoples preferences are heavily influenced by the media they are exposed to. Assuming the asians in Hong Kong and Thailand were exposed to mostly asian faces then they too would prefer their own race just like the whites in the US and the UK.

The solution? Well the interracials couples are just going to have to work harder to find our dates/partners and do our best to ignore/fight the racism.

Good luck finding love everyone and happy new year : )

January 3, 2010 at 6:27 am
(80) Francisco says:

I am mixed asian and latino and I was born and grew up in the Philipines. People and my friends tell me that I look more straight ex convict handsome masculine latino but I am totally gay. Maybe it’s because I have a nice clean trimmed beard and my latin featured face. I had dated with latinos, half filipino half spanish, and white, but I never dated with full blood filipino even though they are my people and I dont know why. but I didn’t get a long serious relationshp. It would last like less than a month and forget about what happened to us. I feel like I am just a one night stand. For me I am struggling to get another new boyfriend. And I am still single since in the past 10 months. My girl friend said it wouldnt be hard for me to get another one coz I am good looking and I dont know why Im still single.
When I see gays approaching me they always smile and asking my name and numbers and waiting for my response, but I feel scared and run away from them. I guess this is what my parents raised me as a conservative person. Anyway my point is many white gayguys in my area are stucked up, only a few white men date interacial gays. I mean why do we have to be racist against each other? Arnt we supposed to be friends and team up to fight against gender descrimination? Arnt we supposed to help and support to each other instead of being stucked up and snob them everytime we see our fellow gays even though they have different skin color. I am trying my best to help and save gay people who are being treated badly from descrimination in my area, but at the same time I feel angry to gay people who are being stucked up out there and they do that to me too sometimes, I feel like wanna punch the gays more specifically the white gay guys when they are snobbing and ignoring me.
Perhaps, according to my experience gays mostly white gay guys starting talking to you because they need something from you. Or people are staring at you but scared to approach you because they wanna find out if you are gay or straight, and that’s what I hate the most, that’s why all they can do is staring at me. I guess this is the gay society here in the USA and I dont like it! Happy New Year!

January 17, 2010 at 7:41 pm
(81) Jay says:

Its hard to meet honest black guys in Colorado, I been hurt more than three times, emotionally I don’t go to bars any more. I stopped drinking 21/2 years ago. I also don’t do drugs. It got me into trouble with DwI’s. But I don’t like to talk to the black guy if he is with another guy. I have been staying by myself in these two years. Any ideas?

January 17, 2010 at 10:23 pm
(82) Blueu says:

hi. im asian. it’s just sad that not a whole lot of people prefer asian men as their partner here in the US. i maybe wrong but that’s what i have been reading most of the time. i didnt have any problems dating from my homeland, not to brag about it of course. im fairly new in the US and i live in the midwest. which makes it harder for me to date coz people are not very open to other races, more so for being gay. im just saying that when it comes to inter-racial dating, it is just sad that asians are at the bottom of the list.

January 20, 2010 at 3:21 pm
(83) Grigori says:

About Tim’s comments:

First, he says: ” I had one bad experience with a black man and that did it to me.”

Then, he says: “All I know is that i have had nothing but bad experiences with black men and so therefore i am done with them.”

It seems to me that if Tim can’t make up his mind about whether it’s one experience or more than one that he is likely someone just here to stir up trouble.

Now, as for me, I am white, and I have dated African-American men predominantly. Mainly because that’s who has asked me out. I appreciate the differences in our cultures, and have learned a great deal (as have the guys I have dated, I hope).

Part of our problem in America seems to stem from not having learned how to celebrate our own cultures, while at the same time, celebrating the diversity that is America. Our gay media seems not to have embraced that either – the lack of diversity in our magazines is appalling. I would love to open one of our major gay magazines to a rainbow of men – black, white, asian, latino, and middle eastern. There are gorgeous men in all ethnic groups – so let’s see them.

February 1, 2010 at 12:15 am
(84) claude1960 says:

Im a white male 50 years old and i have never dated a black man before or a white guy but i have now been with a black man for 4 months he and i both have jobs and our own places. He is a good man and puts up with my closet or down low problems. He loves me and i love him will it last i dont know but for now he is it for me.

February 7, 2010 at 12:16 pm
(85) Adh says:

I am glad that you talked about this topic. No one since keith Boykin has talked about this. I feel it is a double edged sword, I have tried to date black men but so many of them live on the DL. Those that are proud of who and what they are not diverse enough. So, I think this is part of the frustration of black men wanting to date other black men. So, I find that we don’t hate one another we just hate dishonesty. I feel that until we are honest with ourselves, we will continue to date outside our race. We would rather date interracially because that partner accepts all of us. Not lying to be “passable” as straight. Until this happens we will have no choice but to date interracially.

February 10, 2010 at 9:53 am
(86) Jeffrey says:

I’m a 41 year old gay black male and I’ve always dated white men. I’ve never been able to figure out the reason for my desire for white men. I acknowledge the beauty and sexiness of black men, but, when I think about long term relationships, I only think about white men. Is it the result of a bad experience with my own race? No, I don’t believe so. My parents (who are both black) are still married to each other and they were good to me while I was growing up, so I don’t think there is any kind of resentment toward black men. Is it being raised in a mostly one-race community? No. Although I went to mostly white schools and lived in mostly white neighborhoods, my ex-boyfriend (who was white) was raised in a town where there were very few black people. He is primarily attracted to black men. Could the attraction be a sort of rebellion? No, at least I don’t think so. My ex didn’t get along with his mother, but I get along with mine. Is it my sort of substitute for “the opposite sex?” This idea would seems to have some possibility, but, if it were really true, there would be many more blacks and white desiring each other for mates.
Being a person who is almost exclusively attracted to white men makes finding a suitable mate extremely difficult and disheartening at times. Not only do I have to figure out whether a guy I’m attracted to is gay and whether he is already in a relationship, but I also have to figure out if he is interested in dating black men. I regularly attend BWMT/MACT (Black and White Men Together/Men of All Colors Together) events, but I rarely find men there that I would consider dating. I was lucky enough to find my last boyfriend at these events, but it was after nine years of waiting. I the men at BWMT/MACT, but most of them are considerably older than me. I hate to define it as ageism, but I don’t think it’s totally unfair for me to want a reasonably attractive white man who is close to my own age. Younger guys occasionally visit our group, but they rarely come back. I guess seeing all of the older men turns them off.
I think that I’m generally too old to go to places where interracial dating isn’t as much a taboo as it used to be. Clubs, discos, rave parties, sex parties, and college campuses (filled with mostly twenty-somethings) are all in my past now.
Online dating sites tend to confirm how few white men really want to date black men. I guess I shouldn’t fault them because I’m guilty of the same crime.

February 10, 2010 at 10:39 pm
(87) Robert says:

I am a 61 years young African-American male in NYC..for the past 20 years, I have been very attracted to mature white men,(men at least 50 and up) Sexually, I am versatile, with a bottom leaning. I find that most men in that age category, number one, are not interested in men of color and/or number two, if they are, they prefer someone from 20-40 and a top. This is very frustrating. I need answers.

February 11, 2010 at 12:24 am
(88) Gabriel says:

I really don’t understand a thing like this. Here in Brazil we have no problem with this.

February 16, 2010 at 11:12 am
(89) Richard Walker says:

To be predominantly attracted to a man specifically because of his race is absolutely ludicrous. There are desirable men in every race. African American males suffer (supposedly) from something called “hypermasculinity” and I know exactly what that is. I am a 38 year old African American male, and I hardly believe, as Bleue commented, that Asians or any other race is at the bottom of the list as far as interracial dating is concerned. Hypermasculinity, in anybody, has the potential to be an extreme turnoff,and in some a turn on. But loving someone requires a bit of patience that they will change. To prefer a man strictly because of his race might be stereotyping, that certain races have a particular demeanor. Waiting for a specific race to come along is a good way to deprive yourself of a good date or even a long term relationship. There is no Mr. Right of any race. We all have our weaknesses and failings. We can never say, for example, “all black males are hypermasculine” or “All white males are racist” because that’s broad generalization. In American society, the white males are the majority, and because of that they are viewed by many minorities and by the majority as being the standard for good looks. If a man doesn’t like you because of your race, be neither frustrated or disheartened. Move on, you’ll find somebody.

February 17, 2010 at 6:07 pm
(90) Apostol Apostolov says:

This article has completely caught me off guard in surprise simply because it showed a completely different perspective to my own experience.
I am a 31 years old white man, law professional, living in Bulgaria (Eastern Europe). Where I live black men are rarity in the gay community and are usually of Native African descent (Ghanian or Nigerian). They are very highly regarded and very popular for obvious reasons, approached by just about everyone to the point where they become unapproachable by a common white man. I had a chance to date black men and even helped Ghanian man immigrate to my country, but I have always had the worst experience dealing with black men. I’ve been lied to, cheated behind my back on a regular basis, even robbed once. I think black men, especially from African countries, hold very little trust outside their racial circle even if faced with respect and attention as equal individuals not trophies or sex objects. In fact, I’ve found black men were more comfortable in situations where they were objectified because they have experience in dealing with people who do that, but when treated as precious partners they do not know what to do and eventually want to walk off. My experience have also shown me that black men, especially if in a relationship with a man who does not meet their athletic standards, have difficulty treating a white man as equal. My last few attempts I’ve tried to contain my sexual attraction with my black partner simply to show him that sex is not the only reasoning why I am attracted to him but his charismatic presence and company, but then I have been talked behind my back being “impotent”. Eventually, with my experience so far, I’ve stopped being hurt by all that. I think black men have their many reasons to feel the need to impose physical superiority over the white man, it may root into the discrepancy in lifestyle, education, career opportunities. It strikes me curious that in US, Black men are shunned from the gay community when where I live Black men shun the white gay community.

February 18, 2010 at 11:35 am
(91) BRYAN says:

When I was single, many many moons ago, I dated men.I’m black. I’d say “in general” I dated white guys mostly due to the fact that was what was on offer in my circle. But I was open to any guy who fitted my dreams, goals, wants, likes etc. And I am the richer for it.

March 14, 2010 at 7:38 pm
(92) capeyellow says:

This thread has been really captivating and inspiring to read. It sounds like america is still stuck in the 1800′s when it comes to interracial dating, gay or straight. I’m a black guy from england… and mixing in the UK is so common it’s natural for us. I certainly hope things improve in america going forward, because it’s such a wonderful country full of beautiful people across every race, so please celebrate and enjoy while you all can! Time is way too short!

I met this very charming white guy last year, a sort of Tom Ford look alike in London, he loves black men and thinks dating white men would be like dating a woman…so he says! Anyways, he was a great top lover is all I can say.

On another note guys, perhaps you can help me here. I’ve fallen in love with this lovely white guy, because he made me fall in love with him after meeting me in a club 5 years ago. I wasn’t interested in him at all at first, until he approached me and later asked if he could spend the night at my place. We’ve done so many things together, including traveling, movies and very often he’s shared my bed but we never had s*x or anything, just a sense of intimacy and love of one another. It’s rather uncanny, i can hardly explain it. It honestly feels like we are made for each other, but nothing happens. He always tells me he loves me and thinks about me all the time, but he asserts he likes women, but yet he never talks to them when we go out to night clubs. Is he gay, straight or bi-sexual? is he trying to come out, or is it me who is deluded and hoping. He has utterly confused me! I’d really appreciate any feedback and advice. I really love him and think we can make a lovely couple and lots of other people think so too. He said recently I am his soul mate and gropes me all the time hideously in nightclubs! So why dose’nt he just give in to me? Please help!

March 15, 2010 at 3:53 am
(93) LaDale says:

Hi, Im 24 blk and I too only date white men. Its so hard here in Texas to find white men who date black guys. I think it has to do with the crowds people hang out with. I mean in some instance I know white guys who sleep with black guys but its usually keep a secret, because of what other white or black guys have to say. I think its crazy that a persons peers could have such a big influence on who they would talk to. Its not just the white guys who look down on it too, when I go out black guys point their noses up at me just because of what my prefrence is. Its crazy

March 17, 2010 at 12:50 pm
(94) joyously 27 says:

I’ve scanned thru most of the comments, mine has a bit of a twist. When I was in my late 20′s I had 3 one night stands with
Black men. One was the most gentle,handsome man of color, due to my close family ties I could not proceed with the relationship. I did not go to gay bars for months, when I did I met a white guy, fell in love and it lasted for 33 years till his death.At this point I’m in my 80′s and again I’m attracted to
Black men and feel I’ll never have a chance to even kiss one.
No matter what age the feeling & desire is still there.

March 20, 2010 at 1:32 am
(95) Aj says:

People regardless of colour or sexuality will be ignorant. Follow your heart, and it will lead you the right way. Life’s a journey.

I’m of East Indian decent, and my boyfriends white. We both rock each others world.

:-)

March 22, 2010 at 7:10 pm
(96) sasha21 says:

please cancel membership and do not send emails to me. Thanbk you. Sasha21

March 23, 2010 at 10:25 am
(97) Terry says:

Race has always been a topic regarding myself. I am a black man and I am educated, people often called me white because I use proper grammar, like to articulate and don’t sound like your standard ghetto black man. All through my life I’ve always heard: He speaks so proper…and my family said: he didn’t get that from us. Then, when I spoke like a standard black person I always heard: You’re talking like a slave…What the eff?

Anyway, coming to terms with being gay was no easier. Though my family was not very accepting at first but in time they became more and more accepting. I then dated a white man named Stephen who made me wonder: Why did I date him. Sex with him was okay but he had some mental issues I still liked him and after we broke up we remained friends. I messed around with many guys, some black some white others were just online and we talked but the fact remained that I drew white guys that were more educated and the black guys I dealt with in the city were just looking for sex with someone, (although I was single and I was looking for it too) and later on I narrowed it down to just a few guys on a regular basis. Anyway, it included one Puerto Rican, a black guy and two white men but they were kinda separate and not during the same times

I ran into an old friend from grade school and she was dating a white man. I told her that I wanted to meet gay friends and she introduced me to her boyfriend’s brother. It was a wrap after that, we liked each other a lot based on our personalities. We are quite different but since he’s been clean we are more complimentary and sex has been getting better and better with him. I was looking for someone I could enjoy and enjoy being with and he has been accepted by my family and his Dad (who doesn’t really believe in interracial dating) has come to accept me in his own time and in his own way. He couldn’t stand the fact before that either of his sons were dating someone who is black.

A lot of people wonder why I am here dating a little white guy and not a black guy, it’s just that I didn’t find one that liked me. Before I dated my boyfriend I was stuck between two black guys that didn’t like me at all. I didn’t care that he was white, he could’ve been any race under the sun and I would’ve still dated and loved him because of who he is and he loves me because of who I am that’s all

March 23, 2010 at 11:28 am
(98) Terry says:

I’m a black man dating a white man and I was most nervous about race being an issue but it’s not. I treat him very well and he puts it…like a princess…As I was growing up I was always smart and educated therefore not black enough for the ghetto students but not white enough for the white students. So I gravitated toward people who gravitated toward me because of my character which is what I’ve learned to appreciate in others. I never really dated a lot of black men in my area because of the fact that black men in my area are too ghetto and uneducated, this doesn’t strike my fancy, I want someone I can talk to and carry a conversation with not just have sex with.

With Darryl (my boyfriend), it’s more than that we actually have a relationship we know a lot of each other and are learning so much. He and I understand each other and I’m just fine with it. His Father wasn’t okay with his son dating a black man but he’s coming to grips with the reality. My family likes him a lot and it’s not a big deal in my family at all (except with one of my brothers but tough) and we are enjoying our relationship

March 27, 2010 at 8:03 pm
(99) Fox says:

I agree a great deal with Terry (90,91) about the whole “you’re so proper” mess, which stems from the shock of exceeding white supremacists low standards for you. Thank God I define myself through my eyes and my eyes alone. But I digress….

This topic microscopes one end of the spectrum way too much and not enough of the other end of the spectrum; the more positive naturalness, which is where I “rise” into.

Though I am very aggressive, assertive, confident, etc., I almost NEVER pursue a man because I love being pursued and I love attention and have no patience whatsoever for men afraid to approach me no matter what their color. (My energy is mostly Yin)

Being black and going into an all black bar and having guys stare at me all night without speaking to me wasn’t cutting it so I went around the corner into an all white bar and within 2 minutes someone offered to buy me a drink. Do I discount Black guys? NO!! Aside from those isolated incidences ( I haven’t been to a gay bar in years), I am hit on more by white men of all descents in every day life, though I am still open to whomever can “balance me out” energy wise. I’ve been told I’m very intimidating. Does this mean that white men are more daring? LOL

When I had my boyfriends who were non-black, there was never an issue of our ethnicity because myself and the guys I’ve been with were bigger than that. We fit together like a hand in glove. Our families all loved me/them and it was never an issue because of our “energy” and the “content of our characters”.

The only time it became an issue was when “I” had my ears pressed to the masses about the negative things people had to say about “interracial relationships”. I started interrogating my “lighter loves” making sure I wasn’t a fetish and I probed to see if was a part of a stereotype when I NEVER was. Thus, I did what that temporary madness beckoned; disconnected from what society was saying and got back to my paradise; just being myself and all will flow according to my thoughts.

My relationships have always been successful like the movie “The Bodyguard”, because focus was put on the connection of the two people involved and not skin color. I’ve researched stereotypes and never once had a “white male”, or any male for that matter, be intimidated because I made more money than him and I found it to be quite endearing when they always insisted on paying for a night out on the town.

No one ethnic group is the cream of the crop, for the one who treats you with the utmost respect, love, compassion, and sensitivity is the cream of the crop; my preference). If you go into the world thinking, “They won’t like me”, “I’m not good enough for them”, that is what the universe responds to; whereas if you walk out your door, like a little birdie I know ;) , thinking, “I am the distilled essence of likability by all”……..

So take it from me: As long as a persons ethnicity becomes a prerequisite or a preference in your selecting a mate, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS regarding such at some point because preference for an ethnicity to the “universe” translates as “exclusion” and you will have to work that out at some point.

The remedy? Try closing your eyes and telling the universe, “Send me the best person to be with for where I am at in this moment of my life” and be open to WHOMEVER comes because the universe will ONLY respond to this according to your “vibration” (that which you put out), nothing else!!! I have every ethnicity attracted to me because I am open to every ethnicity which makes for selecting the most viable mate not even close to dismal. The challenge here is getting to know what is in your vibration and why you attract or don’t attract that which you desire.

Good luck my loves. Blessed be all.

March 27, 2010 at 8:07 pm
(100) Fox says:

P.S. Negativity only exists to REMIND YOU that there is an opposite!! Choose well!!!

March 31, 2010 at 10:06 am
(101) Ashton says:

I’ve read many of the comments here and to be honest, I was pretty surprised that so much prejudice exists within the gay community. I’m 16, white – well, I’m Jewish (and look it) so I guess some people might not consider me white – from Canada. I just recently came out to my family (who are very supportive, thank god). I’ve had 2 boyfriends so far in my life (I’m not really a hook-up kind of guy…). The first was white (didn’t want a long term relationship, broke my heart) and the second, who I’m with now and hope to be for a long time, is black. Honestly race wasn’t even a consideration for me, I just fell in love the first time I looked into his eyes. We met when I did the stupidest thing – I was staring at him as he crossed the hall at school and ran into a pillar, dropping all my stuff and he helped me pick it up. We’ve never even talked about the fact that he’s black and I’m white. The only thing we talked about as kind of strange in our relationship is the fact that he’s a year older than me so he’s graduating this year and will be going to university next year. However I have to agree with the saying “once you go black you never go back”… you all know what I mean :P I guess the only thing I’m maybe slightly apprehensive about him being black is that his family might not really like me. My dad has already met him and thinks he’s a great guy, but I haven’t met his parents yet, so I’m worried they’ll think I’m just sooo white and lame! Anyway… that’s my life.
<3 you guys!

April 2, 2010 at 10:21 am
(102) tevin says:

I am an African living in Uganad East Africa but gay dating is not easy as it is acrime to be gay here. But we try(No coming out here)to date because people are adventurous here. I ave dated a number of guys here and suprisingly they turn out to be younger than me even by 10 years. They initiate it mostly because am of mixed race( brown tall athletic and a radio personality). So most of them are my fans-which limits my freedom. I like well built guys and since my first gay kiss in 1994 I ‘ve never looked back. However it’s tough being gay.

April 7, 2010 at 12:19 am
(103) Ronaldo says:

I am a 21 year old mixed guy. I feel like interracial dating is such sensitive subject regardless of sex orientation. Interracial straight couples and gay couples often seem to face identical problems. Coming from a mixed ethnic background (Half Brazilian and Half Spaniard) I can really say that interracial dating should just be called dating. The color of your skin does not tell what type of person your dating. I learned my lesson early on. I was only attracted to black guys (I am lightskinned brown) and I had the mentality of only dating black guys and I was causing a problem to myself. When you limit yourself for the opportunity to find love, you are never going to find that exhilaratig feeling. Be open minded and learn how to ignore racial stereotypes.
O Amor nao tem color.
El Amor no tiene color.

April 18, 2010 at 4:41 pm
(104) morgan says:

am maxi morgan am single male i need a man a soulmate who is caring and loving you can hit back at me on my email

April 21, 2010 at 1:28 pm
(105) Alex says:

People (e.g White, Asians, Latinos, Blacks (You get the gist))who say “No Asians”, once they get older and uglier they tend to go for Asians… Asians won’t have them then.
They are just jerks, and they will get what they deserve once they go over their prime years. (Karma)

May 9, 2010 at 7:18 am
(106) Greg says:

I met my partner when I was 23 and he, 19. Twenty three years later race has never been an issue but culture differences have popped up, but nothing serious. Him being Japanese and I being African American, we both have lived a life full of adventure and joys. We have lived in various countries around the world…currently in Ghana as expatriates and enjoying our private paradise. Culturally, we are comfortable living just about anywhere but we both call Japan our home while Hawaii is our midway paradise.

Race was never an issue as we were attracted by each others charm and wit. We met in a neighborhood laundry mat in Tokyo (between washing and drying). It was during the winter and it was cold outside. At first, we didn’t talk while waiting for our clothes to dry- his load finished first and he left. While my clothes were still drying- he came back- this time with a can of hot coffee. He offered me the coffee saying in Japanese, it was cold outside. From there we talked and talked all night long; met everyday…it clicked and I knew and he knew, it was the start of a long, long ride.

I still see that 19 year old in his eyes everyday when I wake. I don’t place points on his color or race. And I know he feels the same about me, too. There haven’t been many times when we have been too concerned with our national identities or racial characteristics that would make us dwell on which is more valued; sweet potato pie or sushi. All I know and care about is our love and respect for each other as equals.

We see the world on our terms. I love my African American heritage and he definitely relishes in being Japanese. Nonetheless the value in what we mean to each other trumps all outside forces that only serve to divide. When we are together the outside world seizes to exist.

May 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm
(107) Glen says:

I’ve always had a problem with the term “interracial.” It’s inaccurate first of all: there is no one trait exclusive to any ethnic background that cannot be found in others, which is why the American Anthropological Association issued that statement back in 1998 that “race” is a social construct.
Seeing someone as “of another race” creates division. Seeing someone as “from another culture” opens doors, making the person interesting, exciting and someone to learn customs and habits not of one’s own culture something to look forward to rather than to fear.
The idea is usually that the white person is “superior” in terms of financial advancement and the black person will be seen as the sexual agressor, a very dated — but still omnipresent — presumption. This is part of what creates the confusion in those who do not understand why A is with B. Some people are unable to even like themselves, so they certainly aren’t going to understand connecting with someone of another culture, although, I have to say, the dynamics of “race” in American means Black and White. This is the only history in American where one group was once owned by the other and now has risen to parity.
I dated black men until I was 24. I met my first lover at Yale, and then, when we separated two years later, and he moved to San Francisco, I went to visit him and fell in love with the city. I moved there 8 months later, although he, at 24, died in the meantime of arrythmia.
Arriving in San Francisco in 1975 was very interesting, especially given that I was very built to begin with (got it from my dad) and then started working out. Rather rapidly, I became one of the “BIG BOYS” and became sought after, something that I found interesting as I had an activists’ perspective and saw how I could use this to get a Black bartender into the Castro bars. (There were none until 1985: I pushed my lover, the manager of the Badlands in 1983 to hire an adorable black guy I had seen earlier in the day waiting to be interviewed by him. It worked and Danny became the Castro’s FIRST black bartender. Keep in mind: this was in 1985!!! So much for equality).
Dating white guys was easy, but not pleasant. The expectations need to be stated first to avoid the feeling of presentiment: do you like me because I have black skin and it’s your fantasy or do you like me because I’m funny/sweet/tough/smart/sexy. One leads to equality: the other to turbulence.
Also, given that my mother’s side of the family is American Indian and White (AND Black), dating someone white is no different than marching up to cousin Roger (who looks like he could be the head of the KKK) and hugging him after not seeing him for years: I never knew color, only people. I didn’t discover color until I was 14 and moved to the New Haven suburbs in Connecticut and discovered that I was “other.” That had me reeling for 3 years.
I now look at the reason WHY someone is dating someone rather than the skin color itself. This applies to straights as well as gays. Some relationships are based on shared values, others on secret fantasies, others on guilt and shame. The first one works well, the other two….you figure it out. The only question for the two parties dating is: which foundation applies to you of the three above?

May 27, 2010 at 9:23 am
(108) Wayne says:

Hello, I’m a 22yo black guy who has yet to come out to my family, but out to close friends. I’ve never really dated a guy yet but I have had some expierences. I’ve liked all races, its a mix of more white then blacks here (columbus,ga) its kinda seperated here. I rarly see gay couples nor do I see interracial gay couples. I’m not really attracted to a type of skin color, I’m more attracted to what type of person he is and if we share the same intrests/hobbies. I’m open to who ever wants to be with me for me, not because of my looks.. That’s all “love life”

May 28, 2010 at 8:05 am
(109) Blasianluv says:

(100) Greg I would like to respond to your very interesting and powerful story…But first Iet me give some background on how I feel on this topic. 25 yrs,Black guy,Nc and I found Asian men to very attractive in my opinion. It first started out of curiousity for what’s different from me. I have a very attractive Filipino/Black mixed friend who caused me to open up my eyes…Back at 18 I had the “biggest” high school-like-crush on him. lol One day I was caught feeling kind of ignorant when he mentioned of being Asian… Before then to be honest I didn’t even know about Pinoy’s or that their originally from Asia. At the time I was so into him that I wanted to learn more about his Filipino side culturally wise. He is American born so he definitely embraces his Black side more. Which made me more curious about his other half…I’m what anyone would call a “over thinker” so I’m very much into culture and language. Anyway fast forward to now and I have grown to be attracted to all men of color with Asian men being most desired for me. Now Greg, when I tell you I had the biggest warm feeling smile on my face. :) Haha I mean your relationship is really inspiring to me man. Being a young Black brotha with a unique take on life makes it extra hard. But I know what I want and I will get what I deserve someday. A special thanks and love to all the brave Gay men out here. Because of your courage to think outside of the box you all make this world a way more interesting place. Without our open minds the world would be so damn dull-well-completely (yawn)boring. lol Only we can slowly make a difference…It really hurts me to my soul when I learn of all the self-hate that some men of color seem to have…Well not me I’m far too freakin’ wise beyond my years fo dat mess. lol Black is really beautiful and I will always take pride in my brotha’s & sista’s. I hurt and feel ashamed inside when we put ourselves down. People who are completely lost and ignorant must WAKE UP!. Damn go read a book or google it-hell even try to learn something new. Maybe then you will be enlightened with some real happiness. Common sense if you are closeminded then sorry for u wasting so much time. So missing out but hey more available Asian men for this Black fella over here so deuces to my Gay fam. Hah

June 27, 2010 at 11:39 am
(110) Kristian says:

I am white guy from Finland. In Finland, there weren’t many non-white or even white foreigner people until about 20 years ago. Because of that, the history and culture of black people in Finland is quite young and different than in USA.

My best friend, who is born outside Europe, often tries to make fun of me by saying I like only black guys. I myself think I prefer short latin guys or guys around Mediterrian sea. And after that on my preference list are probably
white and East African men who tend to have more “European” facial features than West African men.

I also think that all races have cute or handsome men. I usually find South Asian men a bit too similar looking, but nevertheless, one of the cutest guys I know of, is from that area. Unfortunatelly, I don’t think he is interested
in me and I am too shy to even approach him.

When I was about 18 years old, I thought I would like to have a boyfriend who speaks Finnish as his mother tongue, but race has never been real issue for me. Soon later I noticed that different mother tongue isn’t that big issue. However, even though I would like to find a bf, so far I have had
to settle for one night stands or fuck buddies, but such is life. Some guys find easily boyfriends, but many struggle to find a suitable bf.

I consider myself relatively color or race blind, but I think seeing interracial couples makes me happier than really homogeneous couples. A black friend of mine also said, that he also likes seeing that kind of “color” contrast. And I also think that people should not isolate themselves only with similar kind of people.

I once did a computer test that tries to measure implicit associative bias towards white and and black persons. According to that test I favor slightly black persons over white ones, but I am not so sure how much one can trust these kinds of tests. I am against racism, but I think all people
have at least some racist attitudes at least on subconscious level.

Some mentioned the stereotype of black men being well endowed. My experience is that two out of the three least well endowed ones I have seen, were black guys. But on the other hand, also the best endowed was black. And most of the
Asian guys I have been with, have been average size, which I find best for sex.

June 28, 2010 at 6:39 pm
(111) Kristian says:

I am white guy from Finland. In Finland, there weren’t many non-white or even white foreigner people until about 20 years ago. Because of that, the history and culture of black people in Finland is quite young and different than in USA.

My best friend, who is born outside Europe, often tries to make fun of me by saying I like only black guys. I myself think I prefer short latin guys or guys around Mediterrian sea. And after that on my preference list are probably white and East African men who tend to have more “European” facial features than in West Africa.

I also think that all races have cute or handsome men. I usually find South Asian men a bit too similar looking, but nevertheless, one of the cutest guys I know of, is from that area. Unfortunatelly, I don’t think he is interested in me and I am too shy to even approach him.

When I was about 18 years old, I thought I would like to have a boyfriend who speaks Finnish as his mother tongue, but race has never been real issue for me. Soon later I noticed that different mother tongue isn’t that big issue. However, even though I would like to find a bf, so far I have had to settle for one night stands or buddies, but such is life. Some guys find easily boyfriends, but many struggle to find a suitable bf.

I consider myself relatively color or race blind, but I think seeing interracial couples makes me happier than really homogenous couples. A black friend of mine also said, that he also likes seeing that kind of “color” contrast. And I also think that people should not isolate themselves only with similar kind of people.

I once did a computer test that tries to measure implicit associative bias towards white and and black persons. According to that test I favor slightly black persons over white ones, but I am not so sure how much one can trust these kinds of tests. I am against racism, but I think all people have at least some racist attitudes a least on subconcious level.

Some mentioned the stereotype of black men being well endowed. My experience is that two out of the three least well endowed ones I have seen, were black guys. But on the other hand, also the best endowed was black. And most of the Asian guys I have been with, have been average size, which I find best for sex.

July 8, 2010 at 9:38 am
(112) Maury says:

I am a 19yrs old black, hispanic and oriental mix. I was born and raised in france till the age of 8, when I moved to London, UK. Therefore my personal culture is a blend of all the cultures I have come across in my life. My partner is a 27yrs old Irish and japanese mix, but born and raised in London, UK.
I very much enjoy learning about his culture and he mine. I have also sated hispanic, black, white, and other mixes before. I do get a lot of words about me dating a non-black or non-hispanic person from friends and family. But at the end of the day I am in love and that’s all that matters.
I believe gays are trapped in the fairy tales that hispanic and blacks have the larger penises and asian/orientals and whites have the small penises. The smallest Penis I have ever encounted was from a black man, and my current boyfriend being white and oriental is defenitly not lacking in that area.
I find it very sad that a lot of white, asain, and hispanic gays are attracted to the black gay community. Because it is a very will known fact that they are the ones who are less likely to want to be in a long term manogamous relationship; it is actually one of the psychological reasons I am more attracted to white and oriental men.
It says a lot about the white, asian and hispanic gay communities’ self-esteem as they KNOW (as much as they may try and deny it) taht the likeablitiy of finding a black gay amle to settle down with is extremely slim.

July 10, 2010 at 8:29 pm
(113) Nelly says:

Hi.I’m a 21 year old black African gay man from Southern Africa and my Partner is 23 from the middle east.I’ve been studying for a Bachelors degree in the Russian Federation for almost 3 years now.thats how we met.

I only started meeting guys when i came to Russia.I’ve had 2 serious relationships,1 with a white Russian guy and the current with a middle eastern (Arabic)/Phoenician/Armenian mixed guy.

I find gay men of all races attractive,yet i strongly lean towards those either than my own race (I’m attracted to Black men too),i don’t know why.I think partly because in my subconscious level i want to explore and experience something different than me.

Anyway,I love my Partner (who was my best friend for 2 years before we dated,and we didn’t know about each other,we both look so straight and good-looking).and i know he adores me..that’s the bottom line..we never talked about race being a factor,things just progressed naturally..its just true attraction and feelings..we’re still going stronger!!..Love and Peace to all gay men out there!! :)

July 16, 2010 at 12:32 am
(114) Marcus says:

I am black myself and can tell you that interracial dating in the gay world is a bit peculiar. I have lived in different places in the US: 14 years in Ohio, 2 in Atlanta, 5 in Florida and seven in Miami.

From my experience in the US it largely depends on where you live the degree of acceptance. In Ohio as a kid interracial dating was unthinkable and to my astonishment when I moved to the south it was more acceptable. Mind you this was Georgia though

In Miami? interracial dating is a true afterthought. No one cares and everyone mixes.

So, imagine how truly stunned I was to visit Washington D.C. this past year and see blacks in one part of a club and whites in another. Wow talk about backwards.

Interracial dating is a bit funny. I love other races and find it boring dating my own race (black men). Sexual taste change over time too. I am more inclined to date a white guy simply because I grew up around white people and very few black people in small town Ohio.

What i find weird is that many of my gay friends are black and I can’t tell them that I am not attracted to black guys. I can only imagine the insults they would hurl my way. So I just avoid the subject all together.

July 31, 2010 at 8:08 am
(115) Souleymane says:

I’m french of senegalese descent (meaning i’m black). Being gay is not simple for me because of my family and religious background (I’m muslim and proud of it but my religion is not very tolerant towards gays). I don’t think french people are more or less racist than americans or other people around the world. In bars or on the internet, my personal experience shows me that the usual barriers between ethnicities do exist in the gay community in France. But from what i read on this board, i guess it’s easier to cross them here in France than in the US. I’ll say it’s way more common here to see gay interracial couples rather than gay couples where the two guys are from different social classes (exemple : one doctor and one poor laborer).
Another thing i noticed is that french guys are less into the whole blond/blue type that is worshipped in the US (again, i never went to the US so my opinion is based on american tv shows or what i read on american gay blogs/forums). In France, gays tend to worship more the handsome dark haired type of guy. This explain why the italian/spanish/arab type has a lot of succes here.
As for myself, as long as i can remember i’ve always been more attracted to arab men (often called “beurs” in France). Maybe it’s because i grew up in a neighborhood with either arab families or old white folks. All my friends were arab. All the first guys i had a crush on when i was in high school were arab. My first time was with an arab guy. I try white guys sometimes but most of the time it doesn’t work out for me. Mostly because i’m 100% bottom and most white guys interested in blacks are bottoms too or way older than me. I know it’s cliché but it’s also very true. I have more luck finding masculine young tops among arabs than among whites. As for black men, i don’t have any bad experience. I dated two blacks and fooled around with a few more but in the end, i always go back to arabs lol. I never dated asian men but it’s because there aren’t many in France (or at least in my area). I also have to say that as a muslim, i find that others gay muslims (arabs in particular) understand better my situation and we both know we can’t simply come out to our family or walk around town holding hands or kissing each other. It’s sad but it’s my reality :( One of my ex-boyfriends (who was white) didn’t handle the situation very well. After two months of dating, he started pressuring me into coming out. I’ll admit that we were very into each other but i had to leave him as soon as he started threatening me to call my parents or send them photos every time i didn’t do what he wanted me to do.

August 7, 2010 at 12:59 am
(116) anonymous says:

wow. Honestly, its personality first for me. But then again, im asian and im attracted to mostly white or lighter colored men. I dont find myself racist not to be attracted to black men, since, its probably just how i was raised. (environment wise)

August 11, 2010 at 3:09 pm
(117) Jeffrey 2 says:

My partner and I will celebrate our 21yr anniversary this fall in N.Y. frm Iowa for the U.S. Tennis Open.
Needless to say we are B/W couple and have enjoyed every min. To our friend, I am (truly) deeply sorry you had such a bad experience that has left you in such a state. I really DO wish you find true happiness on your own terms.
Best of luck to you:)

August 11, 2010 at 7:53 pm
(118) Sergio says:

For me it’s sad to be reading about the difficulties and prejudice that still exist in the American society. I’m from a mixed Caucasian background (white) and currently live in England. For a long time I have been attracted to other races, particularly black men but only recently did I first start dating one. We met in the largest gay club in London and I found it to be very easy in the sense that I did not feel any sort of segregation or race consideration (nor did he as he told me). Certainly, I felt a bit awkward at first but then again I am not out so I think that also made a difference. But now, having been together for a bit, I find it it’s quite natural and normal for us to be going out and seen together. Both his white and black friends accept us and it’s just all quite normal. I am, however, aware that things are different outside of the main cities, which is the case in smaller US towns, but we just need to be patient. If we think of all the changes that took place in people’s hearts and minds over the last few decades, we can definitely hope that soon enough not only homosexuality as such, but interracial and inter-cultural homosexual relationships will no longer be taboo

August 13, 2010 at 10:41 pm
(119) Ric says:

I am a 45 yo black man who grew up all over the world as my father was in the military. Thus, I was always living with or going to school with people of other races and cultures. I am pretty sure that my upbringing is the reason why I never really looked at the race of a person when I started dating. It wasn’t until I moved to the Washington DC area in my early 20′s that I was exposed to racial conflict in the gay community. It might be the most powerful city on Earth, but in many ways, DC is just another Southern town with Old style Southern issues. Even though my friends were black and white, I was the only one in my circle where race of a partner wasn’t an issue. Some of my black friends only liked black guys. Some only liked white guys. The same was true for my white friends. Some were only into blacks exclusively and others only dated their own. While I found them all limiting their own dating pool, they jokingly referred to me as “Ms. United Nations”. I of course had no problem with this. More men for me. When I was 28, I met the man who would become my partner of the last 17 years. Not only is he white, but he is kinda of a “redneck” as well. And while he had dated a few white men in his past, his preference has always been black men. He says he has always been attracted to darker skin and afro-textured hair since he was a child. He traces this to the first time he “played doctor” with another boy. They were both 5 at the time. As a couple, we have had a few problems with strangers in the gay community questioning our relationship. Especially if we go out to a club. Usually, some black men who might be interested in me, will think that I am just a “snow” queen and throw attitude. Or a white guy will either pretend I am invisible and cruise my partner. Needless to say, one of the strenghts to our relationship’s longevity, is not letting those issues get to us. Peace.

September 9, 2010 at 2:51 am
(120) Joe says:

I am a white male who is basically attracted to other white men especially when it comes to relationships. I would say it has nothing to do with bigotry more so it is a bonding. However, one thing that irritates me is the Latin term and now corrupted into Latino and how it is used these days. How did it ever come about that Latin is now considered a non-white race and applied to Spanish speaking peoples of the Western Hemispherewhen most of whom are a mixture of several races? The Latin language, tribes, and culture originated in Europe specifically Italy from ancient Rome, Julius Ceaser, Pompeii, and the Vatican and if any people have the hold on the Latin name it is Italians since it is their contribution and legacy to the world for over 2000 years

September 11, 2010 at 9:03 pm
(121) ric says:

Although, your question has nothing to do with this thread, I will try to answer it. Spanish, Portuguese, French and Italian are Romance languages (as in from Rome). They are all languages that are derived from Latin, the language of Ancient Rome. (English, German, and Dutch are Germanic languages.) Since most of the Western Hemisphere was conquered and colonized by Spain and Portugal, those countries that evolved from those colonies have been called Latin American by the people of the United States who hijacked the name “American” for themselves. Technically everyone that is native to North and South America can claim the name “American” if they wanted to, but that’s another story. I assume that If Portugal had not created Brazil, that we would be calling most of the region south of the US “Spanish America” instead of the more inclusive Latin America. So people that are “Latinos” are considered so because they speak a language derived from Latin. Latino is a North American social designation, much like “hispanic” based on language not race or Roman descent.

September 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm
(122) Tomas says:

I am a Gay AA/Hispanic male in my 40s. I’ve dated black, white and Hispanic males. I am not attracted to Asian men, Eastern European men or really dark-skinned black men. My complexion is medium brown, so I tend to prefer that skin color. When I was a boy, I was molested in summer camp by several black men, all of them dark-skinned and aggressive. I know that is why I don’t like dark-skinned black men.

Most people date within their own ethnic/racial groups regardless of sexual orientation, and that is fine – there is nothing wrong with that. I think it’s when you do it based on thinking that your race/group is superior to others, and of course, when you tell others not to date outside their “tribe”. I just try to mind my own business and let others do their thing.

September 15, 2010 at 7:23 pm
(123) Kevin says:

I was in a men of color relationship for about 10 years. I would do anything for this man, and I gave up my family and friends because of conflict within them. Prior to him, I was Hiv negative,until I found out that he was cheating on me for years and I was not aware. I have aids today because I did not take responsiblility for my life. He had been positive for fives years and confessed he was having sex with a young man that was positive.I don’t think that life is worth all the medications, and ups,downs to this disease. If I had to it again, I would not trust anyone. Until they find a cure for Aids. No, thanks.

September 26, 2010 at 1:16 am
(124) Peter says:

Wow, so much to understand. I am mid fifties white (very fit I add) and have met a mid 20s island man (nice way to say he is dark skin – he actually picked me up). He said he had been noticing me on the small island we live on for some time. I have been married for 35 years and battled with my gay feelings. We have been seeing each other for 4 months, I am taking him overseas so we can be ourselves for a week. We can’t do anything public where we live, always secret late night liaisons, we both are high profile in our communities. We just want to run away somewhere and be ourselves, but know that can’t happen yet. So anyone else had similar situation, we are both very deeply in love and he never mentioned anything about age difference until I did when I helped him get a passport, he doesn’t see age as anything of interest, just wants me and I want him. I add that I have worked and lived with many races and colours for most of my life and am more attracted to dark skin people than white. Help!

November 1, 2010 at 9:32 am
(125) Tony says:

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/mYWPPdYrow8/

No, Aisan men (Chinese,Japanese,Korean are most beautiful men on earth, At lease,i love you guys!)

April 18, 2011 at 5:49 am
(126) Lawrence says:

Thx!
But the problem is most of americans r so closed minded!. Like they all saying ” oh, asian looks the same to me” . I mean, REALLY?  Does Jackie Chan looks like all the kpop stars? And you guys just dont know how to appreciate Asian beauty,….
And i dont know the hell why people find ” terminators” attractive!!!!

Being gay is enough to make people label u, just dont be a RACIST THEN

November 1, 2010 at 6:11 pm
(127) Tellingitonthemountain says:

Being with another brother has its benefits but love is love. I didn’t have many African Americans in my generation interested in me. They mostly wanted homothugs. I would meet black doctors and lawyers who still were looking for homothugs! The worst part is how many brothers call each other the N word. I just can’t connect with that. That being said, most whites, Latinos, and Asians who like blacks are only looking for homothugs too.

What happened is that I felt undesired by all the races, not for my race as much as for the fact that I wouldnt be a stereotypical version of my race. However, there are some brothers out there who like brothers, but my Afrocentric worldview is often too much for them. I can’t just be with a brother, he has to be Afrocentric too. If I’m with a guy of any race, he has to be very cultured and knowledgable of his ethnic heritage.

Now at 30 years old I understand that race is valuable, but it is not the only thing when looking for a partner. On a physical level, my attraction to whites is not their skin but their relationship to masculinity. For one, I can’t be with a guy who shaves his buttcrack or pubs. Many gays do this but I find it most common with Latinos, Asians, and African Americans. Also I prefer facial hair, which is also more commonly worn by whites. Also I have to say that OUT gay blacks are generally more feminine than OUT gay whites.
This is not because whites are more masculine but because being gay is more accepted by their society and so they do not feel the same need to flame their pride as others do.

However, I am a verse/top and feel that other races rarely date black men to be versatile with. They are almost always exclusive bottoms. But I guess that’s just most gay men period.

Being young, gifted, black, and gay is hard.

November 14, 2010 at 10:01 am
(128) kevin says:

I am a white male, that lives in Denver,Co. I don’t know why, but finding black men here is like pulling teeth.
I do not want to move to a bigger city, so i am thinking my only other option is to start a gay interracial club, or something similar.
What do you think?

November 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm
(129) ric says:

I think it’s a great idea. However, I would contact the National Association of Black and White Men Together (NABWMT)first to see about opening up a chapter in Denver. Here’s the link: http://www.nabwmt.org/aboutus.html
Good Luck!

November 16, 2010 at 1:10 pm
(130) Peter says:

I’m white, born and raised in England. My partner (now legally my husband, as we live in Canada) is black, born and raised in Jamaica. We met in England, and have been together for 45 years. Our families and almost everyone we meet fully accept us as a couple. We never had the slightest trouble from anyone.

November 17, 2010 at 7:18 am
(131) Dan Collier says:

This is fascinating, how a decade into the 21st Century, we’re still discussing interracial dating as if we were a mere decade into the 20th Century.

My partner and I — he black, I white — have been together for quite some time. When we first began dating, we rarely discussed the fact that we were an interracial couple. Oh, sure, we discussed race, racism, what-have-you, but it didn’t dominate our relationship. It was just part of the tapestry, so to speak. It was only others who would bring it up, often in private with one or the other of us.

How did we meet? Why did we start dating? What did we talk about? How did we get around our so-called cultural differences? On and on.

The intriguing and annoying thing about the questions is that they had nothing to do with who we are as Dan and Robert, as two people. They were always about Robert as a black man and I as white. So many seemed unable to move beyond the black/white dynamic.

It wasn’t that these people were critical of us, upset about it, angry, racist, etc. They were, in fact, plainly fascinated by a black man and a white man in love; fascinated and, perhaps, intrigued.

Beyond this, one aspect of being an interracial couple is that you’re automatically out of the closet, at least here in NYC. Because when a black/white couple stand on a movie line, go to a museum, dine out, you’re nailed as gay. Immediately. Case closed. It’s so obvious that my BF and I have often said that maybe this is a way to come out, hang with a guy outside your race. You’re out of the closet, no hassle, no angst, no dread.

November 23, 2010 at 2:24 am
(132) Peter says:

I wish I lived somewhere like many men on this chat so me and my man could be free and open. I am 57 white and he is 24 Islander, we live on small islands in north of Australia, see each other in secret every 6 weeks, go overseas in secret so we can be free. I would lay in from of the bus for my man, I see no colour nor does he except a huge sense of pride when we are out. He found me and followed me up. We both lead STR8 lives in community, so we are also the A typical older /younger couple where neither of us consider age. He is not ready to come out, I am married, life is so complicated, I think next year we will sort it out. So my point to all this background is get on with it, love is what it is all about, not race, colour or whatever. I f we lived in a city area where our families would not suffer we would get married and live as couple for ever, yeh you say I will be dead when he is still young, who cares enjoy what you have now.

November 23, 2010 at 7:28 pm
(133) ric says:

@Dan Collier: You are so right about being pegged as gay if you’re an interracial couple. And that perception is not limited to The City. My homestate of Maryland has one of the highest percentages of African-Americans (over 29%). Despite also having a significant Asian and Hispanic population as well, voluntary segregation of the groups is the norm here. In social situations folks tend to hang with their own. Interracial couples of any combination easily “out” themselves just by having dinner together LOL. Sadly, having friends of a different race is just not as common here, thus the perception. 21st century, indeed.

November 25, 2010 at 11:42 pm
(134) Atown says:

I am a gbm who is attracted gwm. I realized long ago that it’s going to be a hard uphill struggle to find a mate. In some ways I think begin attracted to people outside your own race goes against nature and a millennium of conditioning that makes people attracted to their own race. Throughout human history, the ancient Greeks dated other Greeks, the Aztecs dated other Aztecs, Egyptians dated Egyptians, Sumerians dated other Sumerians, Hebrews with Hebrews, ancient Chinese dated other ancient Chinese, and so on.

There’s could be a trillion reasons why I find white men so attractive and not have attractions to other races including my own. I just have to do extra homework in locating men I’m attracted to and are attracted to me. If I were attracted to other black men, it would be easier. If I were white and attracted to other white men, it would also be easier. Some gbms who are attracted to gwm get discouraged and even pissed if a white dude isn’t into black men. I say, don’t let it bother you. He can’t help it if he is only attracted to his own race. Similarly, I don’t think a woman should get upset with a gay man if he prefer men over women. Just accept it and find someone else.

What I find sort of embarrassing is when other gbms start to complain about whites not being attracted to them. It’s ok. It sucks. But it’s ok. Just move on to the next guy. There are black men who can’t help the fact that they only like other black men. Everyone gets turned on by something. We can’t be attracted to everybody. It’s a fact that whites dominate the gay media with pics of shirtless white guys (good for me) and we need to see more men of other races represented. BUT, that’s not going to change what people are attracted to.

December 5, 2010 at 10:22 pm
(135) MB says:

I’m currently dating a boy from Colombia (although he’s been here since he was 9), and I’m white. I guess I find white and Hispanic guys the most physically attractive. Anyway, his race didn’t even really factor in at all when I decided to date him. Simply, I’m born and raised in the Northeast, and there really isn’t any segregation around here. We both go to a very accepting college right outside Philadelphia and we walk hand in hand without anyone thinking twice about us. People often ask how a white kid from New Hampshire ended up dating a Colombian from Connecticut.

The only thing that has come up really is cultural issues. But those can be easily worked out and haven’t been a problem. When I told my parents that he was Hispanic, they were a bit surprised (everyone in my family married another white person), but had no problem with it.

We’ve been dating for over a year now and we both couldn’t be happier. I think (at least here in the Northeast) interracial dating/relationships, whether gay or straight, have become almost non-taboo.

December 31, 2010 at 1:13 am
(136) Mikey says:

I’m a GWM 61 years old. I met Bobby a GBM nearly 30 years ago. In 1985 we started a real relationship. Bobby died about six years ago and for four years I grieved over the loss of my friend.He died of a rare disease. Two years ago I wanted to start dating again but I’m not the cute little kid I used to be. It’s so hard for older white guys to find a black partner when you don’t do bars anymore. I keep hoping I’ll meet someone, anyone who shared love and life with me like my friend. I’ve been spoiled.

January 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm
(137) Marvin says:

I just thought I’d add my story. I’m a 21 year old dark skinned black African and I immigrated to UK last year. I have had homosexual desires for as long as I can remember and when I came here I went on some websites, and started meeting people. After some time I realised that I enjoyed sex with older men much more. I’m a total passive/bottom and I love being pampered and treated well, plus I enjoy a man with confidence and maturity.

So I stopped going for the men my age or even in 20′s. I met a white man who is 52. He’s in law enforcement(so hot), and loves cars and music(yeah really hot) he is so sexy, much taller than me fit, well hung, handsome and a kindhearted. The sex is amazing I can’t have enough!! He is my ‘daddy’ and I love that. I feel fulfilled most when the man I’m with completely dominates me and holds me close and cuddles me and stuff like that. Anyway, I’ve fallen in love with him and I was so scared to tell him, them last week I did, and he told me he loved me too!!! I’m so happy!! *fireworks*

I want to be his for the rest of my life. I’m just scared because he is 32 years older than me and that he might die when I’m 50 or something and I fear that so much!!! I think if he dies I’ll kill myself, because I don’t think I can manage to be without him. He’s my soul mate.

When he and I walk on the street people stare and some might wonder what in the world!!! But I don’t care, I’m happy and that’s what matters. The people who stare don’t know me and why should I live my life based on what they think?

It’s sad that there is racism in the gay community, but let’s face it, gays come from all walks of life and there will always be racist gays, and unfortunately society also makes it harder for people to like what’s different. But it will fade out, slowly but surely.

Wishing all of you Peace and Love.

January 25, 2011 at 9:33 pm
(138) Stormy says:

Just curious on this topic as I’ve been in Chicago for 4 years and have discovered that White men over the age of about 35 just won’t acknowledge each other in this “town” and wondering what that’s all about. You’ve got coffee houses filled with 50+ y.o. White men with their Asian & Mexican twits on their shoulders (sorry, it needs to be said). There can’t possibly be THIS many gay men attracted to those outside of their race in a city this “diverse”. Insecurity. There’s no other explanation. It’s almost sickening.

My opinion is, you’re attracted to whomever your attracted to….white,black,purple,freakin’ Puerto Rican….whatever.

Me? I’ve always been attracted to White men (“men” is a term used very loosely as gay “men” are scarce in this Chicago). Again, I’m not saying I’d never date outside of my race. So I did……

He was Cuban. Who woulda thunk as he was whiter than me and the same age (40+). I was excited. I love latin inspired jazz. He asked if I ever had a “latin lover”. Whoa, buckle up here!! (un-neutered Chiahuaha was more like it).

Here’s my take now…..if I’m going to date outside of my race, they better have something more culturally challenging to bring to the table other than Madonna or Lady Gaga. This “Cuban” was the most racist, stereotyping (of non latin people) pig of a human I’ve ever met in my life.

Never again. There are definite cultural differences. “We” just weren’t raised like that.

February 6, 2011 at 10:22 pm
(139) Sam says:

I am eastern Euro and I date predominantly black guys. I am really sick and tired of them pulling the racial card on every possible occasion. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, this could be due to various reasons, not your race necessarily. Maybe he isn’t physically attracted to you or maybe he doesn’t like you culturally or you don’t have anything in common beside sex etc.

I am rejected on daily basis by black men because I don’t look like a thug. Should I call that racism?

Many white gays WOULD date a black man that they find attractive physically and intellectually but they WON’T date someone that asks for “gas money”, is incapable of human emotions and constantly think how to get money for the next dose. They would NOT date a white guy for the same reasons.

So seriously, it’s not about you being black, it’s about lack of elementary compatibility.

April 21, 2011 at 5:15 am
(140) Ken says:

You want to live in Africa. I am also into Black men, prefer Indian men though. Most Black men here in South Africa are after money and how much they can milk out of you. Everything with them revolves around money and even some Gay White men have been murdered because they could not give what they wanted. It is a sick world. I was in a relationship with an Asian male (Indian) who also became a sponger and all he wanted was money for everything. The relationship eventually came to an end. I now live with my partner who is from Belgium and we have been together for 7 years. he is White and has been a totally blessing. No more relationships with Black men for me.

February 14, 2011 at 4:49 am
(141) Shams says:

I’m mixed, Egyptian/Eritrean, but was raised here in the United States. I came out to my parents when I was 19 years old. When I did this, I was really scared because being gay is a serious crime where my people come from. Almost 5 years have passed since I told my parents. I feel really blessed that I have their unconditional love. I’m not attracted to men who are white for a variety of reasons.
1. they are really hard to communicate with, 2.most white guys focusing their mind on how “exotic” I am, 3. white men are not respectful people when it comes to how they interact with other men who are not white. As a result, I have SERIOUS trust issues with white men. I don’t take them seriously with what they say, and I am always waiting for them to dissappoint me. IMPORTANT NOTE: I strongly prefer to be with a man who can relate to me on a cultural and spiritual level. I want to be with a guy who has a “defined” culture, strong family values, respect for all people, not a racist, believes in god, likes spicy foods, etc. I’m not interested in EAST Asian men is they are more racist than white people and they prefer white men or their own people. And as far as Black guys, I am not able to relate to them on a cultural level. They have told me that I am not black American or African enough because “my people” are from the N.E. corner of Africa…. I feel most comfortable dating Middle Eastern, South Asian and Latino men. I’ve dated a Jordanian, a Punjabi, a Puerto Rican and a Mexican. Don’t get me wrong. BEAUTIFUL men can be found in any ethnicity. However, I don’t do White or East Asian for the simple reason that most of them are secretly racist even if they say they are not. And I avoid black men because there’s a huge cultural blur. Any other type of man is great!!!! However I must say that Latino guys are #1 for me. There is high chance that my longterm parter will be a man of Latin American descent.

March 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm
(142) austin says:

I myself am white and dating an african american man. Oddly enough I have felt a stronger attraction to him than my previous relationships with a latino man and a white man. I’ve never held my boyfriends hand proudly in public without feeling shame until my present boyfriend. I believe that the only thing people find odd is the diffrence in appearance (skin tone) and nothing else.

April 6, 2011 at 10:13 pm
(143) Mike says:

This for Tim who ‘hates’ black guys.

I almost don’t believe you are black..more like some troll, but if you really are then your experience must be a some very small area of some city.
I don’t know where you live. Leave. There is a whole planet that you are obviously unaware of where you can find black guys who are intelligent, have good jobs and are decent human beings.
I would have thought with the election of Obama , journalists etc, even guys in some strange neighbourhoods could that there is something outside their immediate surroundings…and u are even connected to the net..no you have to some kind of troll

April 11, 2011 at 7:38 pm
(144) Shuunya says:

I’m Japanese and have been dating a caucasian mix for years. Personally race has never been an issue for me. Date someone the same way you would if they were any other race. If they tell you they won’t date you because you’re this or that, it’s generally an excuse. They’re just not into you.

April 13, 2011 at 4:45 am
(145) Jack says:

I’m black and dated different types of men but my experiences with white men have been a true learning experience, not so much in a good way!

One thing I don’t like about white men is that they will forever remind you of your “color” instead of looking at “the person”. This is why I don’t go for guys who mostly or exclusively date black men. They have this level of disrespect, come off arrogant and often feel they’re “better” than you are.

Also, they seem to always have these fetish fantasies, the typical “white submissive bottoms for Mandingo dominant black tops” and sexually into everything under and over the sun! Honestly, I can’t stand that crap!

One thing that is interesting about some white men is when it comes to sex, they have no problem reaching a level of shame/degaration in order to get what they want sexually. I swear, nearly every single white guy I’d met had this stereotype in mind. I’m not attracted to submissive nor would want a submissive individual. It’s interesting, you reject a blk guy, he usually moves on because he’s use to discrimination or even, rejection. You reject a white guy and boy! All hell breaks loose! You’ll be called every racial slur in the book! This has been my experiences and others I know.

Many of them tend to be nice at first but in certain situations, their racism comes out. At first I thought it was just me and I was doing something wrong until I start meeting other blk men who had similar if not the same experiences. I even met other white men who were treated the same way BY white men!

Despite my experiences and the experiences of others I know and randomly met, I still think white men are attractive on the outside but on the inside, they’re some of the worse individuals you could meet, mainly the american ones. I really don’t trust them in relationships and I would never date them again.

No thanks
(try not to post too many racial slurs at once:-))

April 27, 2011 at 12:10 am
(146) NB says:

why do people want to belong to some category, gruop or something? why do people want to be accepted by others? i moved to the U.S. from asian country because here i dont have to belong to anywhere. im enjoying being alone, free from any social label. i know people consider and label me as asian gay or something. But i don’t care whatever these label is.(might be minorities of minorities lol just enjoying this situation lol) Im just what i am. i just like what i like.

June 20, 2011 at 9:07 am
(147) newyorkstar says:

I’m a 33 y/o Gay AA man whose closest friends are Black, White and Asian. I came out at 16, so I’ve had 17 years of dating the spectrum. There have been periods when I exclusively dated blonde men, there have been periods when I have exclusively dated Eastern European Men and there have been periods when I exclusively sought black men although I am most attracted to preppy white guys. I have given this so much thought over the years and have come to only one conclusion: I work in a white male dominated industry, finance and that’s who I tend to be surrounded by on a social and professional basis.

I find my biggest challenge to dating not to be so much the race of the person, but my dichotomy of being black gay and working in finance. I challenge perceptions about all three groups. Add on top of all that the face that I look like an masculine All-American jock type who is fully aware of my history ancestry and am not afraid to correct those that cross lines and that really confuses people.

I’ve dated men that are exclusively into black men and those with no preference. If there is any commonality to my interracial dating experiences, it’s that there are no hard and fast rules. It ultimately, comes down to two individuals that want to try to make something work. I’m definitely no cookie cutter and I’m convinced that the person I finally settle down with won’t be either.

June 20, 2011 at 9:05 pm
(148) Joe says:

I come from a country where racism has not been a big issue, i have dated people from my same race since i was in my teens. I am Hispanic descent and lately i noticed that i am more attracted to black guys than guys from my same race. I dated a black guy but things did not work out, that does not mean i label black guys as the worst, in fact i am searching for the right guy and i really hope it is a black guy, so is there anyone interested? I don’t hurt nobody nor i want to get hurt.

July 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm
(149) Asian says:

I dont experience gay sex a lot but this AA man I met in Cincinnati is HAAAAWT! We had I would say the best sex of my life! We’ll shag everyday if we lived closer! His part is so meaty and yummy!

Sincerely,
Asian Dude

August 13, 2011 at 12:56 pm
(150) Max says:

Idk but ever since I can remember ive been attracted to asian guys, there just hawt an the tall asian guys are hotter. But i never got the courage to ask them out…im a caribean mix btw.

November 20, 2011 at 1:25 pm
(151) Da'B says:

I am a white male that has been exclusively with black men .

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December 30, 2011 at 8:12 pm
(153) South African says:

This is very interesting. I am a 24yo person of mixed race-i look Indian, my surname is Scottish, my bloodline roots back to Scottish, Jamaican, and Netherlands. In South Africa, as some of you may know, we had an oppressive movement known as “Apartheid” where people were divided into groups because of their colour. Whites were given first preferences, followed by Asian, Indians and then black South African. This offically ended around 1993/1994 but the problem was the midset people were brainwashed in. I grew up in a house hold with strong political influence. The post-apartheid period (Democracy) was suppose to be the phase that would help heal the nation and break those barriers. But that doesn’t happen easily. Areas, suburbs, beaches and park benches were divided by skin tone. Now you can imagine how hard it was for straight interracial couples. Gays were not even to be thought of-the laws were that strict then. Since coming out, and still carrying the knowledge of anti-apartheid parents, it is sad how some decision or assumptions I make are based on the colour of my skin. It isnt something that is concluded first but after some time that “because I’m black, white, coloured (mixed)” does begin to surface. My biggest battle is understanding the gay society in South Africa. It is sadly the majority are monotone couples. I know very few interracial couples. I hit on a guy and he simply said he doesn’t do coffee. Thats cool- it was a moment where it is clearly a choice/prefernece and I understand that but it is absolutely wrong to use my colour as an excuse. It happens here. I am in support of interracial relationships because I appreciate people for who they are, accept them, and also admire interracials because you know that you are making people stop and stare. Be brave, use your guts and continue to be a mover and a shaker-set the trend for a better world and more open minds.

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January 25, 2012 at 3:11 pm
(155) segregation says:

all i know is that white, black and latino guys (even latino with whiter skinned) wrote that says, “not into asians/pacific islanders” and “not into filipinos”. and i saw “white, black and hispanic RULE” which they prefer only white, black and latino guys even with whiter skinned. it made me think, why do they write like that on their profile, it is like a CHILDISH to me…(It’s not because of their preference, it is totally RUDE).

i see it so far in their gay profile…it’s still there since i was in my 20′s. nothing changes….

white, black and latino guys have said negative about asians/pacific islanders and filipinos many times. not only i saw their profile also real life at the gay bar/clubs where they don’t seem comfortable with asians and their behavior attitude toward asians. it is like “BULLYING in school”. thanks to white, black and latino guys even with whiter skinned for making it look STUPID & IGNORANT in the gay community!.

so, i got used to see it over and over and which is why i decide just to be single for the rest of my life because of that, i gave up already. then they wins anyway!.

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March 1, 2012 at 1:01 pm
(157) Tobie says:

All the posts I’ve read have made very insightful and interesting reading. Perhaps, it’s best to focus on the individual, rather than on ones’ opinion about who the person is, based on racial biases. So Keep an open mind,instaed of missing out. Sorry to those who’ve had bad experiences with people of certain races,however, they don’t represent everyone in thier race. I’m African & living in the states and find men of all races attractive (totally single) and believe that if you’re attracted to someone, it should be the person, not his race, of course some people are actually attracted to a particular race, which is fine. But don’t automattically shun people if they aren’t of the preferred race. Perhaps, the issue of race has not exactly been addressed in the US, and people would rather keep quiet and pretend, and also hide behind whatever.Quite surprised the Europe is more open to interracial gay relationships, than the US(with all the anti-discrimination laws???). From my experiences in the States, of dealing with people of different races,it has been mostly easier to deal with white people who actually express a genuine interest to know about me,my background etc, as compared to African-Americans, who appear to think they are better than Africans, or are ashamed of being associated with Africa, and on the same note, I’ve found very informed African-Americans who are genuine about learning about me & Africa, as well as, whites who think they are superior because they are white.My advice, deal with the person, if they respect you as a person, then it’s worth your time, if they don’t respect you, don’t waste your time!
Would also like to leave a comment for Apostol Apostolov (2 yrs later), I hope you find the man of your dreams, and despite your previous experiences, you won’t shy away from African men. I’m sure you’ll find one who treats you well and isn’t a user ( and that goes for evry one too, wish you find Mr. Right)

April 23, 2012 at 1:33 am
(158) Josh says:

I’m a 25yr old white gut currently in a relationship with a 25yr old black guy. We’ve only been together for 2 months but so far it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.

We’ve both worked at the same place for roughly 2 years and had our eyes on each other for a long time but we never really spoke more that a few words here and there. I was afraid we didn’t have enough in common, and it really had little if anything to do with race. He is always very well dressed usually wearing nice shirts and tires. I usually just dress more for comfort and while not the most accurate description, I tend to dress more “goth” like. He is more extroverted and expressive and I’m more quite and introverted.

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April 23, 2012 at 2:02 am
(159) J says:

I’m a 25yr old white man currently in a relationship with a 25yr old black man. We’ve only been together for 2 months but so far it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.

We’ve both worked at the same place for roughly 2 years and had our eyes on each other for a long time but we never really spoke more that a few words here and there. I was afraid we didn’t have enough in common, and it really had little if anything to do with race. He is always very well dressed usually wearing nice shirts and tires. I usually just dress more for comfort and while not the most accurate description, I tend to dress more “goth” like. He is more extroverted and expressive and I’m more quite and introverted. The list goes on, but you probly get the idea.

Towards the beginning of this year he made a comment to someone within earshot of me that he thought I was hot. I started talking to him more and we eventually started dating. As different as we are in many aspects, we found we also have a large number of similarities. There are cultural differences and unfamiliarities but we both seem to embrace them as opportunities to learn. At the end of the day our differences kind of balance us out and we’re just two men in love that happen to be of different races.

June 2, 2012 at 9:13 pm
(160) Peter says:

I’m a 31 yo gay asian living in los angeles and I’ve never been in a formal relationship myself (mostly short dates), but I find myself attracted to guys from all races, though I must add I have a strong prejudice for very masculine man. And I have been approached by men of all races. Maybe because gay men in los angeles are more open-minded?

For some reason gay men are extra mean and derogatory on the internet. You see personal ads or chat profiles that “bans” asian/black…or whatever race and then add “sorry not racist it’s just my preference”, how is it not racist when one simply makes judgment based on one’s race alone? Some even goes even further and openly degrades feminem and overweight guys as if they’re not human beings. I think maybe gay guys who trolls internet are horny and desperate and therefore resort to putting other guys down to make themselves feel better.

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June 9, 2012 at 11:36 pm
(163) Juwan says:

well, i’m black and 16 yrs old. I normally always go for the hot white guys. Right now i’m dating a russian boy. he is SUPER cute. but anyway, in high school, all of the girls just love us, while we face daily discrimination from a majority of the guys. I really don’t see why tho. neither of us acts flamboyant or feminine or anything. I’m not gonna let anyone ruin our perfect relationship though :D

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July 5, 2012 at 8:17 pm
(165) Stone says:

Jeeze! Who would have thought such a basic emotion such as love / lust / sexual desire could cause such societal friction? Thanks for an amazing site – in some ways it helps to read other people’s stories But at the same time it also brings about a sense of pessimism and fatalism that the hurdles of inter racial cross cultural love could be too hard to mount. Sex is great but man is a social being and cannot live on sex alone. Without the extension of friends / family / social networks a relationship can still work but it ends up being much harder to sustain. Those who have met their lovers family / friends should count themselves as fortunate that their lovers acknowledge them beyond the confines of the bedroom. I live in South Africa (though I am not originally from here) and every day I learn more and more how people can choose to make so called ‘cultural / racial / ethnic differences’ an excuse to live separately when they could have used said ‘differences’ as an opportunity to expand their horizons! I have a great job here, I live 100m from the ocean but I am sad and lonely living a life of cultural isolation. All the best to everyone who has taken the mantle and is working on pursuing their goals of happiness with the lovers / partners regardless of racial / ethnic/ cultural differences

August 2, 2012 at 5:11 am
(166) David says:

I am thrilled to see so many comments for interracial relationships. When I first started intergrating myself into the gay community I was appauled to hear some of the things men would say. Even when it came to their own race. I am Latino, but I am very light skinned. When I had online accounts men would sometimes comment on how I was “too cute to be Latino” Something I found insulting. Why can’t you just say I am cute? Why can’t Latinos be cute? What was even worse is that most of these men were Latino themselves and only wanted to date white men. I was considered acceptable cause I was light skinned. It was a real, WTF moment. I felt like I was in the 1950s and told I was light skinned enough to use a white restroom even though I wasn’t “really” white.

I however, am proud that I have never really thought of races as a deciding factor when dating. I give any man whom I believe is a good person, a chance. My first ex is Black and my second ex is Asian. My current boyfriend, Whom I hope will be my partner for life, is white. I however, don’t care what his race is. All I care about is whether he and I are compatible in 4 important areas: Intellectually, Physically, Spiritually, and Emotionally. If you have those things in common you will have a long and lasting relationship regaurdless of race. As far as I am concerned those looking at race that closely probably aren’t focusing on what they need to, to have a “real, lasting” relationship.

Long story short, If he seems like he is a good match for you then stop looking at his skin color and give him a chance.

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November 20, 2012 at 12:20 pm
(168) Wilbur says:

Being a gay Latino (Mexican) in the Southwest of the US I feel that no matter the race…it’s all about attraction. I think there are attractive men in any race or nationality. However, I prefer rugged older men- e.g. Russel Crowe, Gerard Butler etc. over younger pretty boys and it seems that includes mostly white, Latinos or Middle Easterns. Even among these groups maybe 30% or less fit that rugged look and maybe those rugged men are into others who look like them…so pretty much it’s all just a big crap shoot. On the down side…there are so many racist gay men. I just happen to have mostly gay white friends and I find myself in large social gatherings where white men are the majority. Maybe it’s the alcohol or something but I hear the most racist comments made against blacks, Asians and sometimes Latinos. I guess since I look white that most don’t realize I am Latino. Some of the comments are made jokingly that relate to stereotypes but at times Ive heard some use the N word. Especially if there is some kind of confrontation or argument involving a black & white. I’ve even heard some men point blank say “I will never date a N—” I dated a white man who turned out to be a total racist after a month . He started out calling other groups “them” or “they” which made me feel uncomfortable but once he started spitting out racial slurs I had to tell him off. Of course I know that most gay white men are not like this and other ethnicities can be racist as well. Unfortunately the bad ones stand out the most

December 1, 2012 at 10:32 am
(169) Ross says:

@ (168) Wilbur

Usually men who voice a negative towards another ethnic group
wants to date them. They just can’t work up the courage or get past
there racism to try to date them. Its’ like the dude who hates gays and
then we find out that he was gay all along.

December 2, 2012 at 8:29 am
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December 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm
(171) Greg says:

Hi it’s Greg (100 or 106) my partner and I are still going strong. We have also made a few additions- we have adopted two sons, We are now a full fledged family. My Japanese partner initially was not too keen with adopting but now he has completely transitioned into a loving papa bear. Our sons are biracial and are picking up Japanese FAST. We are soon planning on moving to Hawaii in 2013. All is well and I can say our dream is certainly alive. Keep following your dreams.

December 18, 2012 at 10:23 pm
(172) Lick76 says:

I’m a white guy and I all my lovers have been black men. They are by far the most sexual and sensual. I can’t imagine being with any other kind of guy.

January 25, 2013 at 11:22 am
(173) Marcus says:

I’m mixed, most if my friends are other black gay men. The ones I have, or know in passing think dating a white man is like rocking a Louis bag.
Most of the white men that date them are just d*** lovin, they put up with shit that other black men won’t put up with. Too, other black men aren’t going to put them on a pedestal. These black men also immerse themselves in white gay culture and try their best to assimilate and fit in (poorly). They like being the token black. Many times in social settings, this guy will outright ignore me, especially the darker skinned. I just watch, bc most if the time people group me into Mid Eastern or Latino.

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March 6, 2013 at 11:18 pm
(175) Forever In Love says:

Well I’m a 24 year old black male and I go to a big University in the south. My first experience with someone of another race was with this white guy I met online who was also 24. Anywho, he had previously been in a long term relationship with a black male before so he had experience in the whole “dating outside of your race” thing so by the time he met me it was nothing new. After meeting we instantly connected, there was just something about him that went way beyond his race. The very first time we kissed I just knew he was someone special. He wasn’t after my Mandingo complex, he wasn’t after my money, he wasn’t after anything but me as a whole and the love I gave him. When we first started more than a year ago it was all just a friendship and we built upon that foundation. We do all kinds of fun things together and no one has ever judged us or said anything negative about us visibly, people actually support the fact that we love each other and are very affectionate towards one another. Anyway, the reason I wrote this is to say that there is hope in interracial dating and not all interracial experiences are bad and some are actually for the better. I have learned so much from him and him from me. Opposites attract and when they do love will last forever!!

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April 12, 2013 at 5:38 pm
(177) Isaiah says:

I’m a Black American gay male in my early twenties. Let me say that I read EACH and EVERY comment in this thread. I have nothing against interracial relationships. However, I’ll probably never enter into one. I don’t want to be seen as racist, but I don’t see myself bringing a non-Black guy home to meet mom and dad. While I am sexually attracted to all races of men, I’m not a hoe. I don’t have sex with just anyone I find attractive. I’ll probably only have sex with a man I’m in a long-term relationship with…which would have to be a Black man (albeit a very intelligent, and sensitive Black man, not these useless thugs). I’ll never say never — but in the long run, I imagine myself being with another Black man. However, it is nice to hear about all of these interracial couples, especially from Greg (comment 106 & 171) and. I’ve never heard of a successful, long-term relationship between an African-American male and another male of Asian descent. I especially congratulate you two. And you’re raising children together? Right on, brother! Some of the other people posting about their IR seem to be the typical relationship where the Black man is fetishized…but whatever, to each their own.

April 20, 2013 at 8:03 pm
(178) Mike says:

I’m a 63 year old white gay guy whose first date at 17 was with a black guy. I was in love with this guy who was a bit older than me. It was the greatest most fulfilling relationship I can ever remember until he cut it off and admitted he had a lover. All through my life I have dated mostly men of color, still looking for that magic I felt at a young age. In the mid 70′s I met a guy that I felt that magic with. He was the same age as me and a dark guy so no one really suspected we had anything going on. After being in love for four years, he died of a thyroid ailment. Again, a great relationship was taken away from me. I met the next guy in 1989 but he turned out to be a dog. So here I am at 63, alone, and not a bar or club guy. I see interracial gay couples and I wonder how they met and why I can’t meet just one more guy before I become an elderly man. It’s so hard meeting that one person now.

April 24, 2013 at 2:35 am
(179) Isaiah says:

This is Isaiah again (comment 177)…after some thinking…I have changed my stance. Yes, I would date/marry a White man. As long as I’m not seen as a sex object…I don’t care what race you are.

April 27, 2013 at 10:41 pm
(180) Chris says:

I am a 32 year old white male. I am unbelievably attracted to Latin men. Ultimately, I want to meet and fall in love with one. For me, the biggest issue isn’t race at all, but rather the cultural differences. I am of German and Swiss descent and so have the stereotypical blonde hair and blue eyes. For me, the darker skin and dark hair absolutely does it for me. But that’s just the physical. In learning about Latin culture, I find myself even more attracted to Latin men. I find that, the more I learn about a culture that is very different from mine, the deeper my understanding, appreciation and yes, attraction for Latino men becomes. So I think the bias is too easily dismissed as racism. That’s the outside looking in. The inside looking out sees things much differently, we just need to open our eyes a little wider and see “differences” for what they really are–a learning opportunity.

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(182) She says:

Tim,

I’m not gay, I’m a straight woman who’s best friend is a gay black man. I came on this site because he’s recently started dating a very lovely white man and I was looking for tips for him as it’s his first time of dating inter racially.

I am amazed at what you’ve said about black gay men. My best friend is the most amazing, educated, a successful medical doctor, attractive with the biggest heart. I am just SO lucky to have him in my life and anyone who knows him will attest to this. The white guy he’s dating is also an awesome person, successful lawyer and very attractive- a few years younger than my best friend. I am so excited for them and hope it goes well- they both seem keen and both deserve happiness.

Get rid of the hate. Everyone deserves love and happiness

August 3, 2013 at 10:24 am
(183) Bathroom Remodel says:

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September 22, 2013 at 12:17 am
(184) Kurtis Jackson says:

Gays are generally a poisonous bunch. Bitter, insecure, self-serving, sanctimonious, judgmental, shallow, and just generally obnoxious, it should be no surprise that interracial issues abound with them.

Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but that is all they are – exceptions which are a slim minority. The vast majority of the gays out there fall into the categories listed above.

Accept these facts, including racism, whether implied or actual, and you are much more equipped to handle dealing with gays a lot easier than looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.

November 3, 2013 at 6:01 am
(185) Gene says:

Our tax from hard work go to those on social welfare – vast majority blacks, for generations. Asian countries like China, Korea, Japan also donate giangatic sums to black Africa. Can you think of modern amenity we enjoy now with an African origin? Oh, yeah, basket ball, Michael Jackson, how does that improve you material lives? How much do they rake in? Yet, when it comes to the real world of financials, jobs, politics, blacks squeeze out Asians who they are so jealous of. Asians are also the primary victims of black criminality, which is rampant, but where is the media in this country of free and honest speech? Wher is Al Sharpton then? The mass media where blacks have much bigger control tout black sexuality (Oprah’s “so are you attracted to blackmen?” to a white woman is NOT a casual jest, but part of active black promotion and propaganda, trust me. Sine even though black attraction to Asians are so real – an unwelcoming thing to me, you will never see or hear it on any media). Blacks, please, be brace and truthful for once and admit that I am telling the truth, and discuss how you will change yor ways. Perhaps encourage more black white connections? After all there are much more white guys attracted to blacks, so enjoy. That would at least win some respect from me. Are you honest enough to post this??

November 16, 2013 at 11:40 pm
(186) Axel says:

I’m French, gay and I find myself almost exclusively attracted to black men.
It feels so strange, like a sexual orientation within a sexual orientation.
I feel foolish for it, and it makes me angry when I hear/read about the “Mandingo complex” which is not my case and which is based on racist stereotypes anyway.
I don’t know, thats just what I’m attracted to.
I currently have a crush on a friend of mine – he’s from French Guiana. I hope it works out.

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March 4, 2014 at 9:13 pm
(188) pat says:

I never dated a black male. Maybe it’s because most of my life I was in 2 long-term relationships. However, if I were 40 years younger, I’d definitely be interested in a black gay at my church

.A smile to die for, beautiful personality, and a heart as big as the outdoors. His ebony skin just happens to be a part of who he is.

The turn on is him. Not his average body, not his average looks, and not his skin color…..and he’s beautiful. I’m turned on by “keepers”. My partner of 32 years, may he rest in peace, was one of them. This guy is a keeper too if anyone has sense enough to see it.

March 11, 2014 at 3:42 am
(189) Types Of Business Structures says:

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April 6, 2014 at 7:23 pm
(190) Mike says:

I have just come across this thread after leaving a comment here six years ago!!
I must say, I did not remember leaving that comment but I’m so happy to see that this issue is still being debated.
I’m still waiting for that special black man to come into my life – maybe it’s not too late LOL
To all you seeking love in another race I say, “Go for it, follow your heart and make each other happy”!

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