Interracial Gay Dating

I’m a black male early 30’s and in my environment(East Coast) it’s very much normal to see blacks and hipanic together since we are common in so many ways. It is slowly coming acceptable to date a white guy with the younger, upcoming generation. Its harder for older guys of color to easily forgive decades of depression. I’ve been on the West Coast where it is almost tapoo to date anyone outside your race. My latino boyfriend and I were both asked why were we with each other; making us both feel very uncomfortable while we out.

I’m a white man who dates only black men. I’m planning on going to Black Gay Pride in NYC by myself. Would I be welcomed?

I have often desire to date outside of my because I had gotten so tired of the bull from my own people. So many games and jive. Not many wanting to solid, monogamous relationship; they just wanted sex. Then when I finally decided to take that chance I attended this gay bar in my home town and they looked at me as if I was something under their feet. Mind you, I am African American and when I dress down I look like I could be a thug, but I am far from. I am college educated and have a love for the English language. However, I met a few guys, but none seem interested in the smart, cute, sexy AA guy.

I am saddened by the racism that exists in the gay community still, after all these years. I have dated men of many races; my current boyfriend is African-American and I am German/Irish-American.

When I came out in a very small Southern city many years ago there was such a feeling of camaraderie and survival that men of all colors played, dated, and loved alongside the lesbians and transgender folk without any awareness of differences. We were one community in our effort to survive in a very hostile atmosphere.

My last few boyfriends have all been African-American but I have also dated Latinos, Asians, Native Americans, and other white men. I am drawn physically to men who are African-American but it is always the man’s personality, his integrity, and his outlook on life that keep me coming back for more.

As long as we can continue talking about these issues I reserve hope that we can reach a point where race doesn’t matter at all.

I am a transgender m2f who is dating a Black God from London. As a teen, (Many many years ago) I was attracted to dark skinned black men. I longged for a ltr with a black man, but was used as a one night stand, (So many hot guys!) I’ve been “out” as a woman since i was 16. and wanted a boyfriend to go to clubs with. all of my American suitor’s just dumpped thier load and split. But “Bob” is from England, and into the same kinks as me. I don’t care what uptight people think. I love my Master, And he loves me as his Wife.

I’m a white man in a wonderful relationship with a black man. I just turned 32 and he’s approaching 29. He has dated other white guys, as well as other blacks in the past, but this is my first relationship with a black man.

I had never considered dating a black guy. When I met my partner, I fell in love, and it just felt right. There really wasn’t much thought put into it. Although I had never been attracted to black men in the past, race was not an issue. I opened my mind and my heart, and I am glad that I did. It just feels natural. We have been together 8 months, and I know we will be together for a long time.

There is a lot of talk these days about being “post gay”, like being gay is not such an issue anymore, we are blending into the straight world more and more. I’d like to feel that is also true about interracial couples. So far, we have been warmly accepted in our community, and have friends of all races. We have encountered some prejudice, but it has been rare.

One thing I have been very surprised about, is the lack of support and information in the entertainment, media, and social groups for couples like us. I ran across this article by searching for the phrase “gay interracial” and there is very little on the web other than porn. (and even that is scarce)

I guess we are a rare item. I hope someday there will be more unity and harmony between races, gay and otherwise, for we are not all that different.

I’m a white guy who just recently came out. I am very attracted to black guys, though I don’t exclude white guys. I live in Portland Oregon, which is a pretty gay friendly place. I recently met a black guy who is just about the greatest guy I’ve ever met. Every moment with him is fun and laughs. He’s clever as hell, works hard, and has a great sense of humor. Nothing physical has happened as of yet, but I’m hopeful. Anyway, there’s obviously nothing about black men that makes them less intellectually satisfying. I can attest to that. People differ, but the differences are sometimes a big part of what makes someone attractive.

I’m mixed Latino and white and so when someone of pure descent (white, Latino or black) is dating me they are experiencing someone of a mixed background. I am 38 yo and I have dated since I was 18. I had a relationship with a Dominican and another relationship with a white dude. Now I met a younger Cuban-Puerto Rican guy. Guys always ask, on the dirst date, what my background is and they usually just say that it’s cool. I’ve never experienced problems. I hope everyone finds someone to love and put away the color/ethnic issues and just love him for who he is and not what his background is.

i am an mature WM who dates nothing but men of color in the south. I would love to have a special relationship with a man that wants me for me and not my car, money or a place to stay. not to say all men of color are like that but the ones that i meet are. i often wonder what i do wrong?? i am giving loving caring just want a good trustworthy honest guy!

I am a South Asian man that was born and raised on the East Coast… i finally came out..and i realized that most gay guys are pretty racist… More than once has a guy said to me “I don’t do Indians” what the $%#&@…. It is hard enough for us to be accepted in society and now this.. now everyone please don’t be offended but I don’t have the “Apu” accent, I am educated, well spoken and pretty normal, hey I get more dates from women than men….

WHAT GIVES

My partner, Hadji, is a 38 year old African American Male. I am a 60 year old white. I am big and “distinguished” looking. He is pretty and has a gorgeous slender body. We look very different except in our pretty hazel eyes. Our educations are very different, our upbring, how life has treated us, etc. But we fell in love because we believe in each other, please each other and compliment each other. To me, I dont see him as black, I see him as gorgeous and fun. We read each other’s minds. To me, he is more attractive than any man or woman I have ever seen, in person, in a movie ,on TV or in a magizine. We kiss in public(Atlanta) I dont understand why color or culture makes difference. This is the 21 century, not the 19th.

I have read these comments with great interest being a white male of British descent now living in Australia.
I have traveled very extensively meeting and living with a wide variety of ethnicities. I have an overwhelming attraction to black men primarily followed by men of other racial groups: indians, asians, arabs etc. I don’t know where this attraction comes from but it is very strong and, given the choice between an attractive white man and an unattractive black man, I would probably choose the latter as a sex partner!!
My situation is further complicated (if you can call it that) by the fact that I am 64 years old and usually attracted to guys under the age of 40. However, I’d probably prefer a 55 year old black man to a 25 year old white man if I were given the choice.
If this makes me sound ’shallow’ I have to say that it is a genuine deepseated and, to me, natural preference which I’m anable to do anything about – not that I want to!
I just wish that 40 years ago I’d chosen to live somewhere with a greater black population than Australia as my personal life might well have been far more satisfying!

So many of you have posted such optimistic dating experiences. I have unfortunately not been that lucky especially in the cities, I’ve lived in. I’m in Denver, CO and it’s extremely difficult to compete; if you will, with the abundance of white and latino guys. I do or would rather be with another black male, like where I grew up, just aren’t many. I’ve dated white guy’s and I seemed to be more novelty or; see I’m not prejudice. it’s insulting and demeaning. It’s gotten old and I’m starting to get older. Really needing to get to a place were I belong.

I am a 39yr old white gay male who is quickly falling in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is smart, handsome, has a big heart and makes me feel like the most important man in the world. He is black. And our only problem is that we live 2000 miles apart.

I find that the Gay Arena can be discriminating towards each otherand the Gay Arena is faced with discrimination. Speaking of interracial dating, I am a Person of Color/Black with a Cafe Au lait Complexion. My ancestry breeded with the French and Spanish on the Gulf Coast Hundreds of Years ago and were free people of color. In other words, I am light complexion and that makes me no different for being Black. My concern is when I see a Black and White couple Straight or Gay in America, is appears that the Black Person hates his or her Blackness and actually rolls their eyes ( and they usually are the darker complexion Blacks) when you give them eye contact…Especially in the State of Arizona. I feel that if you are Black, don’t lose your Blackness and remember this is America. If you fall in love with someone who’s White,the playing fieldis never equal? Can your lover if he is a CEO make you a partner of the firm (other than working in the mailroom)? Can you accomplish material things on your own without your white lover? Is it Just a sexual fantasty for your white lover to have a hung black lover? Is his family accepting to you during the holidays or festivals and does he invite you? Does you white lover makes excuses to accomodate his request? Why is there division among White and Black Gays and shouldn’t the income and social standards be the same for both? These are my questions because I have dated white men in the past but they had to be on my level or above. Education wise, I have a masters degree, I have owned 5 homes before age 38, I didn’t depend on family, friends or a lover to help me and I earned it the hard way by honest work and GOD. In addition, I would like to add that yes, there are black men who have fathers’, who’s parents’ were married at birth, who live and have lived middle and Upper Middle class backgrounds and who have followed and abided by the laws of America and are still looked down upon and not given the opportunities. There have been times I have entered an all white gay club and the looks I get are like..what are you doing here as well as if there is a Black men in the room (with all white men), the Black men roll their eyes at black men, as myself. You fall in love with whoever..All I am saying is never lose your identity because in reality, this is America,and America will catch you off guard. And yes, I have dated black men and the same rule applies (be half way on my level or meet me half way).A supposedly straight white male friend said to me, “he only dates black woman because they don’t require or ask as much as white women.” My response to him was, ” I was raised with an Au Pair/Nanny and I wouldn’t date you because you don’t have enough money for the life style I was born into.” In my rebuttal to him was can you say Africa, where Tiffany, DeBeers and Harry Winston love? Can you say 20 to 50 Carats, Color, Cut and Clarity over $25,000,000.00 dollars than you cannot afford me..In other words maybe because the women had no “FACE Value” on themselves. I have lived the entire USA, North & South and East & West and it is the same with the race situation. I would like to leave this closing remark, “Give people respect, whoever they are because the Gay world at times (as well as the world) can be too Shallow and don’t lose your identity.

Wow;

Rick,

You are telling the truth about the race thing and catty ways over gay men behaving to each other.. Bravo!!!!!!

I am a 35 yo white guy in Philadelphia, PA and lost my “cherry” to a big strong black man at under the board walk in Wildwood, NJ when I was 17. Every since my most thrilling sexual encounters and best relationships have been with black men. My time with black men opened my eyes to how difficult it is for minorities in the US to receive equal treatment and to “feel” equal as well. I hope future generations are able to clean up the mess the previous ones have left behind. Until then I will do my part and I encourage everyone I know, men and women, to experience interracial love – it brings the world closer to perfection…..

come on guys. you like what you like. stop making excuses for liking a African-American or white man. people tend to read so much into what others think of them in these relationships. almost all the comments seem to come from up-scale people. you seem to want to define your relationship as,”we just feel in love”. you seem to be scared to say, ” I love black men”. we are going to be with people we feel most comfortable with. people are racist all around the world. if you go to places that look down on you why do you insist on staying and spending your money their. ETHNICITY, is not based on genetic hertiage but on long-terms patterns of behavior that have some historical significance.

I’m a 40yr black man residing in San Diego, CA and for the most part, me and my friends of color, especially my black friends don’t feel welcome in S.D. gay community. I tend to travel a lot, and I do notice that each place is different, rather it’s in another country or here in the U.S. I do see more segregation in certain cities, than others. The black gay community is small in S.D., so we are usually ignored in night clubs, restaurants, and community events. Therefore, we establish or own pride and cultural events. I do see a lot of interracial relationships across the country, but it doesn’t really bother me. But, I do wonder sometimes how the black guy feels about his own people. I occasionally get eye rolls if I make eye contact with a young brother that’s with a white dude. I do find some white guys attractive, but most just see me as a sex object. I tried establishing a relationship with a couple of white guys, but it’s difficult because they seemed to see me as a trophy or ownership. I often see a lot of young brothers being own, and I don’t like it. However, I do see mature interracial gay couples that has been together for years. Unfortunately, I have only one white gay friend. And with all the white people in San Diego, this is wild. We are very segregated here. I even seen white guys ridicule their friends if they caught them looking at black guys. A few times, white guys were afraid to approach me because the didn’t want their friends to see them checking me out. If I approached them, they play these silly games to block their attraction. Tho’, it’s the same with black guys, too. People are people, but I think we should be real with each other and not be concern about what others think (most of the time). My friends won’t even go in the gay area and they cringe when I decide to go there alone to have dinner or a drink. It’s too bad, because regardless if I’m welcome or not, I’m a human being and I have a right to be anywhere I desire. I wish my friends felt the same way.

I think that the rejection of gay minorities as sexual partners is rooted in the alienation many gay men feel about themselves i.e. I am already feeling different from the mainstream even though I pass unnoticed so why would I compound it by associating with a visible minority?

As Barak Obama said, people all have prejudices that would dissolve once they interact and get to know you but, if you don’t even get to a conversation, nothing changes.

My advice — make the first move and make the effort to interact.

A passing thought of this topic.As a transsexual in the Denver area I have found gay black men almost non existant of sorts.Perhaps just that i’m older and more settled.

I really enjoy the black culture and there outlook on life.I have seen much animosity in the glbt community but more towards each other and not color.

Wouldn’t it just be nice to have real friends with no rules?

As a black man in my 30s in atlanta, I get the impression that white men that prefer or are open to dating black men are at a definite advantage. I see a fair number of interracial couples. What puzzles me is how often the black half of the couple is usually much younger, thinner and better looking than the white half. Is it that the pickins are so slim that young brothers must be open to dating guys twice their age if they want him to be white? I have only dated white men seriously and none of them have been more than a few years older than me (my current is 8 years older) Its well known that black men like to date outside of their race moreso than any other group of people. Could it be self hatred? Growing up, I found myself exposed to blond/blue standards of beauty so I’m surprised that anyone else was not affected by it.
As a side note, despite mostly dating white men, almost all my friends are black. I really can’t stand brothas that think that by trying to look or act white, they will attract more white men. Who are they fooling?

I am a 21 year old white male who has been dating a 22 year old black male for almost two years. We met online and have been in love ever since. I was in sociology class today and learned about how rare interracial relationships are in the US. During class I was thinking about how hard it would be to tell people that I am dating a black man. Additionally, I was curious to see how hard it is for other people who are in the same relationship (hence why I came to this site). Unfortunately, both of our parents have strong religious backgrounds and are not accepting towards homosexuality. For these reasons, we have had talks about not ever coming out and trying to live “normal” lives. Being from Ghana, he feels that he doesn’t really have much of a choice. Another problem is that I currently live in CT and he lives in GA. We have visited each other on three occasions and I have had the best times of my life. Thanks everyone for your posts and telling your stories. ps. I love you kid…even though you probably will never read this unless I tell you about it.

I WOULD NEVER DATE A BLACK MAN FOR THE SIMPLE FACT REASON THAT THEY ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING. THIS IS COMING FROM A BLACK MAN.

Considering all the racism and white privilege that’s out there in the gay community, I’m always amazed that there are men of color out there who are willing to date white men. But as a white men who appreciates black male beauty, I say hallelujah!

Its seems to me that in general African-Americans tend to be more upfront with their opinions and tend to speak more plainly about what’s on their minds. I really admire this. I come from a pretty uptight social background and have consciously tried to undo this social conditioning. The more time I spend around black men, the less uptight I feel.

And besides, everyone knows chocolate tastes good, so does vanilla, but when you put them together, yummy!

I find it really funny that there is any talk at all about the controversy of interracial dating among gays. Frankly, in Chicago most couples I know are interracial- you see black men with white or latino men more often than with other black men.

And as to guys “not doing Indian guys,” it’s just a personal attraction thing. Some men just prefer a certain kind of guy, but unfortunately there is a significant racism streak among whites in the US against South Asians. Their loss, and for everyone who says “I don’t do Indian guys,” there are two who would be more than willing!

So, is there racism within the gay community- sure, of course! Just like in any other community (and white aren’t the only ones who are racist, by the way). I think it’s much less racist than other communities though- just come to Boystown in Chicago to find out!

There is a diffient race issue in the gay community when it comes down to blacks. The general gay community as a whole in the united states looks at blacks as undesirable. blacks arent included in many aspects of the gay community such as in gay publications. many guys including other black guys (weirdly enough), claim they could never “bring themselves” to dating a black guy. it is something that is looked down upon in the eyes of many guys. however on the flip side if a black guy is decent enough in looks, others may consider them for a one night stand sex partner but nothing beyond that but the later happens to the best of all gay men. i find a higher level of racism amongst the younger gay generation. i guess this falls from the general nature of the country and its outlook towards african americans. the gay community still has a long way to go for racial harmony.

Unfortunately, all the wonderful people who have posted positive experiences in interracial relationships are the exception rather than the rule. I find that there is hardly any representation of gay people of color in the gay media. Images play a BIG role in what people find attractive. I am a GAM. We are at the bottom of the totem pole.

I am a young gay black man and I only date white men because black men are no good for me. They are liars, cheaters, dead beat fathers, criminals, thugs, jail birds, jobless, drug dealers, gang bangers, gangsters and everything else. Black men are extremely homophobic. Black men are abusive towards women. Black men are child abusers.

Wow, Tim. Does that include me as well?

I said it once and I will say it again, black men are no good for me plain and simple. Yes that applies to you too gaylife. I had one bad experience with a black man and that did it to me.

I’m a 45 year european New Zealander and my partner is an indigenous ‘Maori’ New Zealander. It’s funny how we as global society have to compartmentalise everything,as if its that simple, even down to sub categorising people….pointless and irrelevant. I don’t define myself just beacause I’m gay or white or by class…I prefer to define myself on my values. Guys here have commented about interracial couples being invisible. That might be because there is no need to be visible just for being gay, There’s more than just being gay that definesus. I met my beautiful man because we connected and I like to think because it was meant to be.It didn’t come down to prefernce for this or that or how each of us ought to be like…it just was. My take is…clear the mind of all the clutter and just let things unfold with another guy as it should and if it is to be…it will be!

Sonny
Auckland, New Zealand

Hi i am atraccted to black men i would love live my dream of cuddleing one for the sense of security in someones arms that means more to me than sex

LMAO @ Tim. You sorry excuse for a black boy. You had ONE (count it) ONE bad experience with a black man and thus have the right to call them all liars and cheaters. Newsflash, if you can’t stand black men so much, why shouldnt the white boys you chase adopt the same philosophy? What happens when they have their ONE bad experience? You will be shit outta luck I guess.
Look babygirl, if you like white meat, if thats what makes u wet your panties, thats fine! But dont put brothers down in order to justify your attraction to white men. Own up to it. You just like white boys.

Well I have to say the impossible has happend.Last year I had almost given up hope of finding a man,that has changed.He is a very tall,strong thinking black man,so proud of him.Weare looking at getting married in a state that allows same sex marriage.

We mostly hang around the black community both straight and gay openly.I was scared at first but have found more accepting souls than one could believe.I have found now “the greatest fear is fear itself” We are open and happy,looking to open a small coffee shop in the near future.Proves it can be done.

im a 20 yo white guy from newark, NJ. First i was not really attracted to other races….i dont know why….until i met my current boyfriend. He is a 26 yo african-american. He is a very masculine muscled smart and sweet guy. We are together for 2 years now….he just gives me a feeling that a white guy could never give me. I just moved in with him in brooklyn, NY. We never had negative reactions about our interracial relationship, and we were often called the cutest couple they ever saw. I know that we ll be together for a looong time….and i think an interracial relationship is a beautiful thing.

I love my man

Yes, i am a 21 year old white male who lives in D.C. I am only into black guys. i don’t know why but white guys CAN NOT turn me on physically. I can’t explain it, however none of my other white male friends are into black guys. I always go to the majority black clubs and get looks but it’s rare i get a hit. I think it may have something to do with the fact that most white guys wont date a black guy. I’m thinking about just buying a t-shirt that specifies my preference when i go out lol

Tim, your self-loathing is disgusting. What classy, dignified, sophisticated, intelligent, educated, successful, forward-thinking, faithful, etc. would EVER find someone as deeply and dangerously insecure as you even remotely attractive? They aren’t losing anything valuable by your contempt for them. They don’t need you, especially if they have any love or respect for themselves. Which is something you obviously don’t have.

Black man, that is. Needless to say.

I Think that black male who prefers mostly a white male something is wrong, i think it mostly due to bad experiences with some black men not all white men are good either.

I completely understand the interracil dating and the discrimination, but look at if from my eyes if you will. I am originally from the Caribbean, grew up in Washington DC and now live in Sacramento, CA and on top of that I am bi-sexual. I have gone from a culture (the caribbean) to where sexuality is very open, and race doesn’t matter, to a liberal (washington dc) state that amongst gays and bi-sexuals there is not so much discrimination but rules to a conservative liberal (Sacramento) place where it is out right discrimination. Whites guys don’t want anything outside of their own and vice versa with latinos, whites, asians and blacks. But what’s even harder is being bi-sexual just because we find interest in both doesn’t mean we are incapable of monagamy which is sad to me because the shortest relationship I have ever had has been five years and the average gay relationship last 7months and the average hetero last 3 years. I do understand that peoople have preferences based on their values, sexual appeal, faith…etc. But there is no need to discrimatory against ethnic groups. It is hard enough being gay or bi! I have received nasty emails when I have posted on Craigslist looking for an actual date and disclosed my ethnicity. It has gotten to the point now I don’t post anymore and the first I ask is are they ok with my ethnicity. Unfortunately, most of them don’t answer back which is a pretty strong indicator. Look people there is a proper way to let someone know that you are not interested without becoming a bigot. Currently my boyfriend of 1yr is Italian/French and Argentinan, yes he is gorgeous and he thinks the same of me! Well I hope I didn’t open a can of worms, thanks for the comments, please keep posting.

Black men will never be good enough for me to date. Hell, they are not even good enough to be my friend. The only 2 things that black men are good for are sports and entertainment and that’s it. Why? Because they are too stupid for the real world.

Tim, why would you waste our time making comments like that? Why don’t you check out the Anti-Deformation League’s website and find out what websites they are monitoring, and then go to those websites and leave your comments there, where those of your ilk will unanimously applaud your rather all inclusive negative comments about black males.

Anyhow, Tim, I don’t think this website is for people like you, so what’s your point really?

^ BRAINWASHED

I’m starting to think you aren’t being serious, Tim, and it’s just one long, tired and unfunny joke. You are probably blacker than an ace of spades. YOU WILL NEVER BE WHITE no matter how desperately you try. I hope it doesn’t kill you when you realize this…

All I know is that i have had nothing but bad experiences with black men and so therefore i am done with them.

Ugh…. I’m 16 and wanted help on this issue, I’m not out but reading all these comments scares me. My the way I’m black.

Tim, we are all aware of your claim of having so-called bad experiences with black men — or that’s what you’ve written here, which we really can’t validate. None the less, now that you’ve spued out your not-so-credible nefarious maledictions about black males (getting your 15 minutes of attention) we can safely assume that there is really nothing more for you to write on that topic, because you’ve effectively vomited that filth all over this site. Now it’s time for reasonable people to disinfect this discussion board to prevent further contamination. So Tim, please be reasonable with any additional comments on this topic.

Tim, it appears that you hate yourself. And this is not the discussion board that deals with those types of mental maladies. To issue such nefarious maledictions concerning black men is evidence of your troubled state of mind.

Since, there is little else left for you to add negatively to this topic, since you’ve emptied your self-loathing mental garbage, I hope that you’re feeling better now. In your own best interest, you should get some professional mental help.

Tim,

Thank you for your comments. You’ve shared your opinion several times within this same post. I would like to stay on topic. So, in the best interest of this discussion, please refrain from commenting further. If not, I will have no choice but to close the discussion.

The truth hurts don’t it.

I am a Caribbean mutt (Haitian, Cuban, Puerto Rican, and Dominican) and my partner is Filipino and Caucasian. We are a very happy couple, and in the pat I have dated, Mexican, Puerto Rican, and African Americans. So I am very color blind. I feel that people are attracted to a person, bot their color. Some of these comments totally disturb me. This is the 21st century, and we are still discussing this. People please come together, this is why the gay community is so divided.

I’m a white middle-aged guy who has dated seveal black men in the past. And there is nothing wrong with a interracial reationship! And there should NOT be a seperate pride party for either race. Because, it’s simply not right to hold a pride for whites and a pride for blacks, and a pride for Asians, and so on. But, in this country that’s never going to happen, because deep-divided, long standing racial tensions that still extist. If a white guy want to date a black, or Asian, or Hispanic, then go for it! But, there should not be a separate pride for any race!

I am black and have been attracted to white guys since middle school before I even knew I was gay. The attraction has always been there. I grew up in a black household and had many black friends. I’ve been treated nice and bad by both black and white. I think there are attractive men of all races, but they never really turn my head as much as white men. I can look at a black man or asian or latino and say “wow, he is very handsome.” But, if I see a handsome white guy, he might linger in my mind. Of course, we know that I am not attracted to ALL white guys just because he is white. Sometimes the white models in the magazines don’t do anything for me either. While I’m in my 30s, I’m not looking for a “hot” 20-something or a “settled” over-40-something. On the flip side, if I were straight, I’m more attracted to black women than white. Attraction is sooooo complex.

i also like white guys and i am of indian descendant but i cant find anyone. hopefully i will somehow find someone one day

I don’t know why I am posting, but I happened on this article and read all the comments and one in particular caused me to feel the need to spill my guts.

Like a previous commenter, I am white and lost my cherry to a black man at 17. I had never considered dating outside of my race, but mostly because I grew up in an all-white community. When I came out I drove to a larger city for weekends at the gay clubs (they let minors in), and that is where I met him (I was still in high school). He was older (26yo), handsome, dangerous and closeted (on the dl) and sweep me off my feet feeding me lines like, “you could be a model” (I was really fucking cute back then, but even I knew better.. but I believed that he meant it). He was so different than all the country boys I grew up with, I totally fell in love and thought I found my soul mate. Of course 4 months later he stabbed a man to death and went to prison. Before that happened tho, he got tired of me and passed me around to 3 of his friends (I was too stupid and naive to realize what was happening – each time one of them got tired of using me, another friend of his would start calling me the next day), and I got infected with HIV by one of them – I don’t know which one.

I am 28 now, and I am on meds and am currently healthy, but I do not date much because of my trust issues and the fact I am very upfront about my HIV poz status. It would be easy for me to hate black men because of my experience I guess. I don’t hate them, but I won’t date them either despite now living in a heavily mixed area.

I have a hard time trusting anyone who expresses interest in me – especially black men. When someone hits on me I immediately become suspicious of their motives and look for faults in them. I also don’t blame an entire race for what that group did to me, and I know there are a lot of good black men out there. I mostly blame myself: my lack of experience and good judgement and my teenage need for affection and love allowed some very bad people to destroy my life, and what pisses me off the most is – 11 years later they probably don’t even remember me, but I have to think of them every day.

I am black Portuguese born in Angola, a former portuguese colony. My mother is the daughter of a white man and a black woman. In my family we have all shades of blackness. my mother for instance can pass for a white woman and majority of people assume my mother is white wich makes her laugh because people can be so shawllow. Growing up was though(people could quite hurtful-prejudice speaking) it was in my face. All us me my sister and brother we are adopted. The way I was brought up is that race is just irrelevant. Character is relevant. Believe or not in Europe is by far more open but the same time more difficult sometimes u are seen as exotic but I turn the tables around. If life was so easy is more complicated than that. I have date few men but if I have a problem is not with race but finding a Man(with capital M). I had terrible experiences-yes with White guys but I believe they were bad because they were screwed up (I am sorry the language),but they were my mistakes I staid nobody force me. They had flaw in they character the same I have nobody is perfect.
Finding a black gay men educated in Europe is difficult but probably I haven’t try enough. Race as far as I am concerned is the least of my worries. It’s true there is people who only date, whites, blacks whatever other races but that’s no concern of mine. People are entitle to their own choices. We all learn so much from eachother independent of race. We tend it’s my believe to be drawn towards people with whom we have some affinity and that is education .

i’m a white male, in my 40’s and have been in a interracial relationship with the same man for 6 years now. I’ve read most all the posts regarding this topic. the one thing i find holds true for all experiences is simply this: people are people.

as people, we all have certain physical attributes and characteristics that attract us to one another. this is true in both the gay and the hetro world.

sayign that all white people should only be attracted to other white people (or that black guys should only be attracted to other blrack guys) is like saying that all people with red hair should only be physically attracted to others with red hair… that short guys should only be attracted to and date other short guys.. that skinny guys should only be attracted to and date skinny guys. how boring would that be? thank God for the differences we all possess.

tim you make several loud statments about ‘black men not being and good’ well i have many friends that happen to be black as all are genuine people. i have some white friends who are flakes too… my point here is that people are people… there are good and bad people in every race and the actions of a few should never speak for the enitre group.

sure i too am physically attracted to a certian type of guy – it’s only human naute. and i beleive in letting others do their thing… if you want to date only a certain type of guy, go for it. every action we make says something about ourselves. as long as the attraction is genuine and respectful, do ya do.

variety is the spice of life!

I am a black guy and my boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years,he’s mexican and I must say that it has not been completely easy dealing with the public especially when it came down to dealing and being around other mexicans or going to clubs that he likes to go to. It’s sad but I love my papi and I don’t care how people don’t like it my love is stronger than that and so is his it just makes us stick together stronger.

Hello guys…what i can i say…I am a latino guy with brown skin. I have had two boyfriends and they were Northamerican.

Please guys i want some advice.

I met him (the last one) on internet we spoke for several weeks by messenger and by webcam. He always said he wants me. He came to my country and we met. I guess he liked me because we were together for one week and i could realized how much he loved me (apparently). He went back to the states and after 3 days he said he had another boyfriend and that hurt me a lot. I tried to kill myself because i thought he left me because i wasnt atractive. So please I need a lot of helps my friends. I hope i will find my love one some day….

Thanks for all your advices

Andrew
Guatemala City Central America
andres21333@hotmail.com

I am a masculine, mainstream, professional African American male, originally from the east coast but am now living in Chicago. I am attracted to masculine men who are kind, thoughtful, spiritual and family oriented guys. I happen to be attracted to men with a little more formal education (however, we all know that formal education many times has nothing to do with level of integrity or character ok!) I happen to be very attracted to mainstream, masculine Latino men. The problem in Chicago is that many masculine Latino men (especially those of Mexican descent) are very very racist – there is such racial division and unawareness in Chicago. I’ve had a real real problem finding the right guy here. So…i’ve decidet to let go and let God

It is the attraction that comes to play first and I’m not sure that the focus on that person’s: color, creed, age, body condition, etc. is what finalized the encounter and resulting relationship. I am in an interracial relation and when my man called on me I melted and not because he was a different color but because he was sincere and mature. We rely on our natural values to live a life of life and avoid the biases that are derived from those that need to defend their position for a whatever when they fail to realize it’s their own crucifix. When you can see love in all its many forms you will have reached a greater love that exceeds beyond our visual perspective. Regardless of any race’s performance standards as compared to in education, upbringing, neighborhoods, etc. it will be our pride in each other than none can ever blemish and someday a greater community of those who seek love in life in any type of sexual preference will find eternal bliss here on earth.

Ok, so Ive sat here and read a whole bunch of these, but not nearly all of them. Quickly, i will give you some back ground. I was born in ohio to a young white single mother, im white. Ive lived in Saguin Texas, where only white was ok and the mexicans where very slowly “accepted” ( bulllshit), and Campton, Kentucky, where black people where litterally run out of town by toch, pitchfork and hillbillies, and now Maine, maybe quite literally the whitest state in the USA. Now in maine, my “family” all of the close friends my mother and iI made of the years and became our new family, are white, black, mixed, a new black baby girl, arabic, hispanic, w/e we have it, in my family. I like all men, all colors. Black men are my favorite. My “cousin”( best friend known her since i was 2 and she 3 forever kinda thing) is black and only like black men, and her mother my aunt ( is white) and only likes black men. Problem maine = whitest state and those very few men who are black here , most likely deal crack or smoke it. Maine sucks, but you love who you love and even if you dont love them you should at least respect them. were all citizen of earth and were all stuck here together…..
And btw, im only white on the outside. A reversed Oreo, but its all good hunny Beyonce’ may be the Queen of her lil world, Im the Queen in reality, dont tell me what Im supposed to like. Halla. Man Down!

I know we are talking about interracial gay racism, but what about preferences it seems like a lot of these issues are because people are not being honest by saying they simply prefer a certain race. But I find a issue a little more perplexing that just race and that is personality and character traits for instance i am only into masculine men, with little to no drama, a job, a goal in life, no drugs and pretty discrete. It seems hardder to me to find those qualities than race. I find that is more of a problem than the race thing. Of course speaking in generalities it seems every race has gained certain stigmas. For example I have heard these things said about each race:

White guys: have lots of drama, usually into drugs, are more adventurous sexually such as bdsm, piss, toys..etc they tend to be more ecentric, usally only into Latinos and other whites

Black guys: have two extremes, thuggish or queen, they either want you to be their B@#@# or they want to be yours. Usually have HIV. Usally into blacks and latinos

Latino: also lots of drama, always jealous have uncut D#$#!, make sure they are clean and cheat all the time, usually into whites and latinos

Asian: have small D$#%$#, to submissive, rushes into relationships, non-attractive usually into all races

I believe that if you are blind enough to just look at these stereotypes and not invest time in the person you will always find what you are looking for. I think to many times people are so lonely and desperate that they try to connect with anyone who will give them attention instead becoming the person they want to attract.

I find these conversations very eye opening and interesting. Please keep posting, thanks for taking the time to listen.

WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN TO LEAVE BLACK MEN ALONE. THEY ARE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. BLACK MEN ARE THE WORST PERIOD. I FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE WANTING TO BE WITH A BLACK MAN BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THEY HATE THEMSELVES.

first of all, I am a black gay man who started out with a black boyfriend. We almost looked alike too. We made an absolutely great couple. We were childhood sweethearts. He was out while I was in at that time. He was so handsome and thoughtful. We ended up having a falling out over this I believe. Time passed and I went to the military while he stayed in our hometown. I then for some reason, started to seek out and date white men. My first white lover was older and as we were dating, ahe let me know that the main reason to which white men dated black men was for their dick size. Not the person. You would think that I would have listened and went back to my black brothers after that but no, I didn’t. I ran into the arms of another white man who cheated on me with…another black man. I have about two or three other whtie male lovers who all cheated, lied and even tried to physically abuse me. You see, they thought that they were superior and at the time, so did I. I felt “lucky” to have a white guy because I bought into the myth that “black was ugly.” I have been with numerous white guys and they have all treated me badly. WHen we would go into an eatery, they would get served FIRST and when I spoke up, I was “showing my ignrance.” the initial meeting was “you are not like the others…” This was not a compliment. Meanwhile, my childhood lover passed away and I became distraught because I knew that I should have been with him instead of chasing other guys around, irrespective of their color!…It took a movie such as “TONGUES UNTIED” to rescue me from my color preference and it made we realize agan that “Black is beautiful.”…I am wiser now and as such, I feel as if my future mate will be black and or latin. I am not ruling out white men but NOW I would like to be with someone black.

I stumbled upon this after putting in a query on google about segregation in gay porn. I did not find much written about it although it is quite obvious to anyone who looks. Yes I know you can FIND interracial gay porn but it is something you usually have to look for. I am not talking about gay porn where the tops are all black and the bottoms are all white, or there is a black gangbang with one white bottom, but porn where everyone is versatile and respecting of the other(but then I guess that is hard to find in white on white porn too ).
I came across these postings and I was frankly quite surprised at the number of positive responses when it has come to interracial dating. I am currently in a relationship with white guy and it is a wonderful relationship. As a black man I have found that white men who are attracted to black men can be loosely placed into 3 categories:1) someone who likes black men. ANY black man regardless of any commonalities,shared interests or anything that makes for a strong friendship or relationship; these guys usually are after black dick. Period. End of story. 2) someone who is attracted to men of color in general yet profess to be colorblind. I believe the problem comes for many interracial couples that the white partner usually does not ’see color’, which in and of itself is a wonderful thing but on the other hand can negate experiences that his black partner may have. We do not live in a post-racial society as so many so desperately want to believe. 3) someone who is attracted to a man and it turns out that that special someone is a man of color. These guys are accepting of difference, are not in a power struggle and can see that we all have had different experiences in this society depending on how we grew up, gay and white or gay and a person of color.
I happen to be physically attracted to men who are furry in body and in face which means I tend to be attracted to more white guys than black. My current partner is a long haired, long bearded hillbilly type who loves me dearly and celebrates my differences as I love him and celebrate his. That is what I think its all really about and what we all strive for the best way we know how.

Interacial couples, I and my partner have been together for 27 years, we met when I was 17 and he just out of the army, I am white he is black, It was still a crime in some states for hetro mixed race couples to marry, we have been together ever since, and yes we faced our problems with others,if we had been opposite sex we would have been together,our same race, certian people complete each other, no matter your race, gender, look for that in life, and you will find true happiness, and you will know this person when you meet them. Good Luck to all searching.

I am young educated african american man who has dated both white and black men. I grew up in the deep south where most white men only wanted a black man only for was sex. I have been around the world and try not to judge others for liking what they like. Funnily enough after living in London I learned how white american men have alot of racial hangups where as european men dont have those hangups.
I know some black men think I hate myself because I date white men but Oh well. Life is short.

Kellen
KAndry9710@aol.com

I believe in interracial gay relationships, as long as they’re not based on some stereotypical expectation of the other race. I go for any race, and I have not been disappointed by any. As long as a man can value and respect me, we can be together.

Hi, just wanted to add my bit to this. I’m an asian (Chinese) guy from the UK and it’s interesting to read about the race problems gay guys see in the US. I agree with the other Asian guy that posted earlier, we asians appear to be at the bottom of the sexual preference hierarchy and I’d add the whites are at the top. This is the same in the UK, whites mostly only like whites. I think it may be a bit different in other EU countries though. My own take on this white ’supremacy’ is that its due to the Western media carpet bombing of hot white guys on display which teaches everyone that white guys are THE hottest race. Which is a bit annoying as in a way it’s not the white guys’ fault they don’t like other races, it’s the white controlled media perpetuating white beauty which is then consumed by mostly white people who then go on to produce more white media etc. So it’s an unfortunate by product of having one race dominate the media. See the asian country example below.

The galling irony is that gay non-whites have to contend with gay hate from straights and then race hate from other gays.

For the record I like and have been with white, asian, black and indian guys, all hot. We don’t have latino guys in the UK but I’ve seen hot latino guys in the media. My point is that every race has very hot guys.

I’ve met and heard of asian guys from Hong Kong and Thailand only wanting other asian guys. So the racism thing is operative in asian countries too, but this supports my observation that peoples preferences are heavily influenced by the media they are exposed to. Assuming the asians in Hong Kong and Thailand were exposed to mostly asian faces then they too would prefer their own race just like the whites in the US and the UK.

The solution? Well the interracials couples are just going to have to work harder to find our dates/partners and do our best to ignore/fight the racism.

Good luck finding love everyone and happy new year : )