The bisexual man: a confused player that can't be completely trusted by other men or women since neither can fulfill his complete desires. The bisexual woman: a sexually liberal confidant eager to share her desires with multiple partners of choice. These: perceptions that run rampant among skeptics who consider bisexuality a phase (or as a permission slip for infidelity) and not a position of sexual moderatism.____
Also, Read: Top Myths About Bisexual People
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Ironically, bi misconceptions don't go both ways (at least not equally). The men are easily seen as hosts of mistrust and the women: mavens of straight male fantasy. Are bisexual women more readily accepted than bi men? Why are bisexual women so often reduced to sex? Why is the bisexual man seen as having an insatiable sexual appetite?
The readers speak on bisexuality:
- I don't think that most women are threatened that their husband/boyfriend is bisexual because of prejudice; I think it is more along the lines of fearing that their man is revealing that he is attracted to a man and women don't have male parts. When you are competing with someone that you are not anatomically equal with it is hard to not feel that your man is going to decide he would rather be with a guy and have a different sort of sex life.
- I think bisexuality is harder for men than for women. Straight men get turned on by bisexual women and so it is something that is encouraged in our society. You will rarely meet a guy who is upset over his girlfriend's bisexuality. They usually love it! For bisexual men, it's harder, because straight women are not turned on by the fact that their man is [expletive] other guys. They feel threatened by it. And since society wants men to be either one thing or the other—either totally straight or totally gay, bisexual men have a hard time fitting in.
- I think there are two types of bisexuals:
1- First type are people who can fall in love with either gender but don't need both genders at the same time. So if that person is in a relationship with a man, they don't need to have sex with women. And if they are in a relationship with a woman, they don't need a man. They are perfectly content with the partner they are with. In my experience, they can be as faithful as anyone else.
2- The second type of bisexuals are the ones known for being unfaithful. They have a hard time sexually committing to one gender. So if they are in a relationship with a man, they also need to have sex with women on the side. And if they are in a relationship with a woman, they also need men on the side. I think people fear those bisexuals because they feel that they can only give them half of what they need. - Not all women would turn down a bisexual man. In fact, I would prefer to be with a bisexual man because as a bisexual myself, I feel that a lot of bisexuals are more enlightened about themselves and their sexuality, since I believe that it is the person and not the gender that is important. I think almost everyone is bisexual if they would open their minds to the conception.
Update: Study Finds Bisexuality Exists After All
I think we are all bisexual! If not all, most!
Thank you so much for posting this. I get sick of hearing the “It’s just a phase…” stuff from people even after being open about it for sixteen years.
Love your writings.
I’m dating a bisexual man right now. We are both black and I’m gay and we’re both in our 30’s. So far, we’ve been monogamous and he has sworn this to me. I just don’t know if he could be satisfied with me. Any advice? Should I break it off or continue? I’m pretty confused because I never thought that I would be dating someone who is bisexual!
Let me start with a Quote: “The time has come, i think, when we must recognize Bisexuality as a normal form of Human behavior… we shall not really succeed in discarding the straitjacket of cultural beliefs about Sexual choice if we fail to come to terms with the well-documented, normal Human capacity to Love members of BOTH sexes.” This quote goes back to 1975 by Margaret Mead one of the most highly respected Anthropologists of the last Century!!! I am a Bisexual and VERY proud of it and if ANYone can’t deal with that then the problem lies with them not me!!!
I have been telling my wife for at least 7 years now that “i think i am bisexual”.She has sent me to severeal “christian counselors” in order”to fix Me”. My sexuality is not something that i am either proud of or disgusted with! I am what i am! Because of my looks, muscularity and confidence many many good-looking muscular young men and very attractive women find me “enticing”. I told 1 “christian women 17yrs. ago that i “think that i am bisexual”. she had been very attracted to me! She told many of our coworkers! I was stunned by so much bigotry and rejection and quitely without my knowledge, termed “pervert” “queer” “disgusting” and treated like i had Leprousy”.! Needless to say I was faithlful to my wife but she has gaven me an ultimateum. “Change or I will go to our pastor tell him an divorce you!” I am very depressd. She has left me, i;m still faithful!What do i do now ?
in all my years of dating it’s has always been the other person’s negative outlook. always worrying about what might be and not what it actually is.
If you keep doin’t whatcha been doin you’ll keep gettin whatcha been gettin.
Here you go, Bud:
Are You Enough For Your Bi Boyfriend?
Thanks Mona,
This is my first bi-sexual relationship and as such, it’s an adjustment for me. I was focusing on the negative and not the positive which is: out of both the men and women, he chose me. I chose to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. The crazy part? He has treated me with WAAAAAYYYYY more respect than ANY gay man or straight woman that I have ever been with. The even crazier part? We haven’t mde love yet out of fear from both of us but we are SWIFTLY overcoming that issue! It really feels good to be involved with a fellow black man though. WHether he is gay or bisexual. I have another question: Are there ANY gay or bisexual black meetings or organizations around? If so, PLEASE let me know. You advice REALLY helped me because I was going to break it off, I’m glad that I didn’t!
Personally, I prefer bisexual men. Not just because the idea of seeing two guys is incredibly hot (That’s just a bonus) but also because bisexual men are much more open with their sexuality. They tend to see the fluid nature of human sexuality more clearly and are less judgmental of others. Since I’m a very open minded woman i prefer an open minded, free-spirited man.
I’m involved with a bi-sexual man and the main hesitation for me making the move to become a “couple” is that I feared that I am not equipt to compete with a man. He assured me that he was only “bi-friendly” but after a year of us being together, I discovered that he had sex with a man right before I came over(he didn’t hide the evidence fast enough). I am in the process of trying to forgive him because I love him, but he kind of insinuated that it was my fault because I wasn’t into group sex and didn’t want to watch him have sex with a guy. My feelings have always been if you are in a monogamous relationship,cheating (hetero, homo, or bi) is not acceptable. He made it seem as if it is something he cannot control, as if he has to be with a man or TS gal. I don’t quite get his logic….
This is the exact reason I’ve accepted (for now) that I cannot be in a relationship. I’m a Bi-23 year old male and the temptations of both sexes is overwhelming for me. My sexual appetite comes with my age, and I’ve taken a liking for guys more due to the ‘taboo’ part of things.
It hurts to know I cannot be in a relationship with a girl in that I will likely cheat on her, and it is equally frustrating that my relationship with a guy will always be that of discreet. I’ve come to realise this world is slowly becoming more acceptable of ‘bi-guys’, but understand it is extremely difficult….. both a blessing and a curse.
I hate when wives, fiances, and girlfriends act as if we are permisquis sex addict or “sexually confused”. I’ve loved only 2 women in my married life, and one man during my 17month engagement to my 2cd wife. She lived thousands of my away. “Joe” and i began sleeping together NO SEX of any kind! the more that i missed my fiance the more I want being intimate with him. after mos of working together and being wo partners we both bein g more “manly”affectionate. i.e. arm wrestling horse play etc. No sex and we were enrapped w each other! we were falling in love 2 muscular men and it scared us. No kissing or anal. Once i got married i told him to go home. Today; i miss him badly! we loved each other but brook it off justr b4 my fiance was coming to America! I am what i am: a Christian masculine, muscular and bisexual! even though i have slept with one dude. DO i end this unhappy marriage to my wife? She hates when i speak of bi men and bi women are usally good looking masculine and happy people! should i file 4divo
euphoria – - i would advise you not to get involved with that man unless you’re okay with fulfilling his sexual fantasies and believing his lies……which it seems like you’re not ok… just my advice. he would be an example of the “bad” bisexual guy as was briefly described above in the article. There are some good bi guys out there, too. Don’t be discouraged…
Why does everyone automatically equate bisexuals with promiscuity or needing to have both sexes at the same time? Thats the biggest barrier we have in life. We (bisexuals) are just as capable of having committed relationships with one person as anyone else! When we choose to be monogamous we are making a hard decision because we are giving up a part of our identity and choosing the partner above that. We become either fully gay or fully heterosexual ina committed monogamous relationship. Why dont people appreciate that?
Wow, I must be one of the few men who is really turned off by my girlfriends bisexuality…I cannot stand the idea of her with other girls, and I hate always being told “why can’t you like it that I have sex other girls?”. I just don’t! cheating is cheating no matter the gender.
i am in a relationship with a wondrful woman, but i keep getting the urge to have an encounter with another man[ ihave,nt up till now],some times during sex i ask her what she would like, she tells me she would like a younger woman to make love to her. this really turns me on, this is the same response each time we have sex,do you think that she really would like it or is it, as she says, just a fantasy, i have never told her about my feelings as i fer she may reject me, she is rather shy about sex and very reluctant to try different things,but she says she enjoys what we have
I have been married for 10 year to my husband. He never told me rior to our marriage, that he had been involved in several gay relationships. Our first 2 years of marriage were wonderful. Then he stopped wanting to have sex with me. I knew something was wrong. I asked many times if he wasn’t in love with me or what the problem was.
It took him another 6 years to tell me he had been molested from 9 y.o to 14. I listened, and said how important it was for him to know how much I loved him and now that I knew about this we would work on it together. He said he wanted counseling and felt that he had to finally tell me because of his love for me.
He went to counseling briefly and our marriage remained essentially the same sexually and started to diminish.
We separated for one year to take care of our parents health issues and to work on repairing our relationship.
During that year his mother and grandmother died within 3 weeks of each other.
During the year separation, he became a totally different person. He met knew friend and hour away from where he lived. He didn’t want me to meet them. He would stay out many times til 4-6 a.m and sometimes not return home til the next am. He stopped working. His personality changed drastically. Needless to say the truth came out unexpectedly. I confronted him aboutusing drugs and been bisexual. After hard evidence he admitted to both.
He spent most conversations telling me he had been faithful to me. I am hetero. I didn’t know how to respond to bisexuality.
I did not want to leave him because of my love for him.
I found too much evidence that he was untruthful to me.
I said many times to him why are you staying with me when it is obvious that you prefer the other side of bi.
He said that he gave up his “friend” for me, who he never did anything with and his friend doesn’t know he is bi. Both are untrue. I have proof of it.
I am hurting and want to be opened minded about bisexuality. I just feel that this relationship is doomed. Not because of his bisexuality, but his ease in lying to me. Any advise?
have also recently discovered my partner of 3 yrs is bi. He wont admit to it even in the face of hard proof. As we live in smaller country town i think he feels that if the truth gets out then his whole will change. in the meantime i am left with an angry frustrated man who wont face the truth. i am just hurt that he lied to me. i can deal with his sexuality but he cant. our relationship is doomed if he cant be honest. at least if he is honest then i, as his partner can make a learned decision about the matter. i think that he is embarrassed about his bisexuality.
I agree with Steve.
I try to be very open-minded about all people and all sexualities but I’m 100% lesbian so it’s hard for me to understand bisexuality. Sadly, I’ve only met the “#2″ bisexual’s as described in the topic post. My first girlfriend was bisexual and she wanted to date me and another man. I broke up with her after she told me that. Shortly after, I fell head over heals for another openly bisexual women. She wanted an “open-relationship” because she wanted to be able to have men on the side. She asked if I would be up for a 3some a few times but I’m no where near that open-minded. We did the “open-relationship” thing for almost 3 years. I stayed with her because I loved her and I thought she loved me. Eventually, the 3 am phone calls from random guys I’ve never met but that she had slept with asking ME if I’d be up for a 3some were too much. I wanted a monogamous relationship. She didn’t. So, I ended it. Guys usually like having bisexual girlfriends. I know the guys she hooked up with enjoyed that she’s bi. I figure if she’s with a guy she can have it both ways. With me, she can’t. All the bi girls I know are with men and are “swingers” or in open-relationships. Not saying ALL bi girls are like that, but that’s all I’ve ever seen, and it does paint a negative image in my mind.
It wasn’t really the bi thing that bothered me with my ex’s, because I believe everyone is born with their sexuality – be it gay/straight/bi. It’s that they wanted to bring guys into the relationship when I wanted JUST THEM. It’s just easier to be with another lesbian because I don’t have to worry about her pressuring for 3somes with men who I’m not at all attracted to. Lesbians get enough of straight men asking for 3somes (GRRR!) we shouldn’t have to worry about pressure from our bi girlfriends, too!
I know where your coming from lol. When it comes to a guy, I am only attracted to ‘manly’ bi-sexual guys. I’m bi-sexual too btw, but this one guy I’ve been with for over a year now I have fallen in love with…. we maintain an attitude likened to two straight guys ranting about doing some hot chick they’ve seen… except the extreme where both sexes are involved. I’m more than happy to share a beautiful girl between us (our ideal kind of sex is a mmf 3some). Hes my best friend, we know what we have to go through, we both also know we could never be 100% sexually commited to each other as we fall in love with both sexes….. we are both #2 Bisexuals. When he goes for other guys it hurts.
i believe that is a very stupid and ignorant comment to say of all men. that all staight guys are turned on by bisexuality in women. i have a bisexual girlfriend and i feel so threaened by it. never sure if she is truly attracted to me. always fearing when she hangs out with guys and girls by herself. its torture, i hate it so uch. i am deeply disturbed at the fact of her being with women and men. i am a staight man and this does not turn me on. i feel so threatened and afraid that she is not totally attracted to me. she might get bored or tired of my body then leave me. i just never feel safe
Wow..I didn’t know there were so many of us out there..It has been a hard life wondering why I was attracted to both sexes and not being accepted by either because of their mistrust. Unfortunately, I have found that many straight, gay, and even bisexual people can cheat when they are in relationships. We are bombarded constantly by sexual images and insinuatations by the media constantly..it’s a wonder anyone commits to a relationship! When I get involved with someone, it is because I choose to be with them..not because I want to have it all. I give the rest up for them, but most seem to not believe that. We need to trust more when we love. I wish I could meet a woman who could understand that about me and not be afraid that because she’s a woman I am going to leave her..
is it possible to have a male want to be a girl but this male is attracted to girls?
is there any info on this or does anyone have any comments to this????
please please, let me know.
thanks,
even email ur response to me pleaaseeee.
thanks so much
buschcolelove@aol.com
I am not dating a bisexual man but it was interesting to read xxx
i don’t think all people are Bisexual..not even most people! but only some most of the population of the world is straight or gay to be perfectly honest with you.
I am a 13 year old girl and i knew i was Bisexual when i was in year 2! x x x x x
hi,
i am from india and i am a BI sexual. My first sex encounter was with a girl when i was 14 and the she was 13, that was the only romantic hetero sexual intercourse activity in my life . Then few years after i was aroused by a guy 5 yrs elder than me, i had a new feeling and i liked it.i had sex( No intercouse ever) with him and his brother for 10 times in my life until 2003.I felt guilty all the time and never had gay sex till now.But had unromantic hetero sex for 7 times.
As i am an indian i have to agree for an arranged marriage and i have to hide (coz of social problems here) .
I am suffering mentally coz i dont want to hide and suffer later.
pls suggest me what to do?
reagards
I have a female friend who is Bi. She has a male kin who is flaming. I hear her clowning him all the times behind his back. Why is it that it seems ok for a female to be bi but males that are bi are looked at with eyes of ridicule?
I’m a bisexual 23 year old guy. Being a male bi defies societies ideology of the very foundation of what it means to be a man. Being a bi-man is harder than being Gay, and the chances of finding a bi-sexual woman who likes to see/join me with a guy on occasions is also very slim.
There are more Bi-sexuals here than we are lead to believe. Most I know live hetrosexual lives (the #1 type bisexual). This is where indiscretions come to play.
i’m glad this topic was brought up. as a bisexual woman, i have actually encountered more gays that were unaccepting of my bisexuality than straights (straight women and men) who were unaccepting of it. Most of the unaccepting gays had either had bad experiences with bisexuals or have this idea that bisexuals are people who will never be pleased unless they have both sexes at all times. It’s frustrating because I’m bi, and right now I really like this girl, but she is hesitant to form a romantic relationship with me because I’m bisexual, and she fears that I won’t be complete satisfied with her because of that. But I’m really someone who is trustworthy and loyal. And I’m not the finicky type of person who feels the need to have sex all the time with different people- or even kiss for that matter. I’m just not that type of a person, I’m loyal. I just feel frustrated sometimes because, it’s been made (very publicly) clear that there are a lot of straight people who do not accept homosexuality or bisexuality. I’m well aware of that and have accepted that. It’s just frustrating that part of the gay community doesn’t accept bisexuality. Especially since I have found myself to want to pursue relationships with girls more often than guys- and I’ve encountered quite a few lesbians who will not consider seriously dating a bisexual. Can anyone relate to all this or have any opinions on this?
Hi there, I met a man on a web site who lives in the uk. He travels every month to see me, sends me flowers and seems very fond of me. We have connected on many levels but the physical side is just not like my marriage. For one he won’t go down on me and I always have to make the first move. Is it common for bisexual men not to like giving oral sex ???
I clicked into his web site one day and he was flying the bisexual flag another time he was straight. Do bisexual men have preferences ??
On challenging him, he said he wasn’t attracted to men. Really confused about this one Help !!!!!
Sarah.
I swing both ways, but I have a preference for men… For me I find the whole same sex taboo thing appealing… wanting what I’m not supposed to have. He sounds like hes gay. I love to go down on both, many bi-s I know do.
I am bi and I have been married to a woman fo 17 years and going down on her s my favorite thing.Sexually i lean more toward men but emtionally I lean more toward women. The last 6 months or so I just need a man. I went to a coputer dating service and they matched me with a guy that sounds perfect for me. But I caan’t believe i could hurt my wife like this. she knows i am bi and I have always told her men still attract me but I chose her. I wish I could take a vacation from her for a couple of weeks but this guy sounds likekeeper material. I am so confused i’m spinning like a top. Well this is my first post. I’m glad I found you. 10
Sexuality is definitely no black or white and every person is different. I am Bisexual but couldn’t be in a gay relationship because I’m just not attracted enough. I don’t check out other guys but once in a while I do remember what it was like having sex with them. I’m the kind of person that has a deeply sexual and spiritual nature, meaning that it’s about far more than the physical body. I’ve told ex’s about my experiences and every one of them has run to the hills! It became a very hurtful thing to carry as a burden knowing I couldn’t tell the person I loved or they would leave. I can say that being a Bisexual male has to be the hardest sexuality to be a part of in these times. It’s cool to be a straight/gay/bi woman and it’s ok to be a straight/gay man but bi men get the evil looks. I hated myself for almost 10 years because of this and because of the women that left until recently I found a bi woman that is open to listen and compassionate with my position. We don’t believe it’s a good idea to have threesomes or be with the other sex though she did cheat on me once with a woman. The subject came up recently about a threesome with another guy and it’s been a really confusing subject. I think I’ve come done to the conclusion that once in a relationship that I should be monogamous. Thing is she doesn’t have the parts that sometimes seem to be a great deal of importance to me. Ah life. On one hand it’s fantastic being so full of sexuality but like any gift it comes with some costs.
Being able to love someone and be close to someone doesn’t have to correlate with being romantic and sexually attracted/intimate with another individual. I think people confuse the desire to know someone fully and be close to that person as sexual attraction. And a lot more people are experimenting now just because they can… sorry, but they really are!
Is it normal for bisexuals to be attracted both emotionally and physically to the opposite sex, yet for the most part just sexually attracted to the same sex? Does this count as bisexuality or am I just a confused straight man?
According to one study most bisexual men “lean straight” about 40% will about 18% lean gay. A smsl percentage in the middle and “straight” and “gay” men who have some bisexual activity filling out the rest of the percetages.
I am bisexual I lean straight, fall in love with women, prefer hetero sex mostly, but still find men attractive and will have man crushes.
I have openly dated men, and was in a one year relationship with a man. ALL of my hetero relationships were monogomous except one open relationship with a bi female. When in a hetero relationship I rarely think of homosex. But when a relationship ends I usually start back at square one dating men and women. I could be satisfied with the right man but have generally prefered women. If I could have both I would, and maybe that can happen.
The problem bisexual men face is they really need to know themselves and ask important questions. There are preferences and the diversity is huge. Many bi-men say they are straight or gay depending on that preference. But really the men who are more satisfied with gay sex but only fall in love with women could probably work out something but need to be honest with themselves. I have known a couple of men who go right down the middle, they are remarkable people really with few hang ups. My hang up has always been trying to remain authentic and out but hate the belief that bi = gay. I have had more sex and relationships with women than most straight guys I know, and am a very loving partner. The bi thing gets in the way only because women fear it. But bisexual women are much more open and so I dated mostly bi women.
NO bisexuals are very diverse. I have always been physical, emotionally attracted to both but only romantically attracted to women, so I generally pursue long term partnerships with women. “Romantic” meaning “I fall in love”. I know others who are the exact opposite. And some who have really no preference.
For20, Bisexuality isn’t linear, far from, it’s dependant on the person. Factors like personal experience, hormones, society, and genes (to name a few), all have influence on a person’s sexuality. So to generally describe the exact amount of attraction bisexual’s have for either gender is improbable, if not outright impossible.
My sexuality “was” Bisexual for the first stage of my life which, after certain events, changed to asexual (feeling no attraction for any gender or orientation). That was 3 years ago.
Saying bisexuals NEED both genders to be content sexual is absolutely rediculous. When I was with my girlfriend at the time I practiced monogamy strictly. Yes I had sexual desires for men, as a strait man would have had sexual desires for other women, but i didn’t love them; I loved her. But I later found out that the feeling wasn’t mutual. I found out she had been sleeping with another guy.
So you see, loyalty isn’t dependant on the sexuality of the person, it’s simply dependant on the person.
After that ordeal I felt the arrow of cupid once again, but this time for a man. We were quite content for a long time. He was one kinky nympho, with one hell of a personality, who I loved to death. But after being in the relationship for more then 3 years he got caught in an accident and died in the emergency room. The moments we had together were the best of my life but like what Si said “…like any gift it comes with some costs”.
Simply, Me
My boyfriend confesd to me that he doesn`t know who is he…
because there are times that he is attracted with same sex..but there are times that he love me very much…he don`t want to lose me..
@ this very moment,he is into in his confusion..
What should I do?He told me that he need time,,,make space to him..for him to know,who really is he…As a girlfriend,,i accept him whatever he is..but it is not so easy,,because i know time comes that he will change..time comes that he may realize that he really need a man..But I Love Him very much!!!What should I do…Please Help Me..
I’m a straight arabic girl, i have nothing against bi or homo sexuals,but i’ve been in a relationship with an arabic man for 4 years now.
The first year with him was so wonderful, but for the past 3 years now i have’nt been emotionally satisfied by him..i have proof for his love for me but i just always felt that i needed more love and attention and i always feel that as his girlfriend im not getting enough of his attention almost as if someone else is occupying the other half his emotions…he keeps talking about his guy-best friend to me and eversinse they started to hang out 3 years ago i’ve been feeling this way…is it enough proof that he’s bi ? i tried to talk to him about it but he always said that i was the only one..i tried to leave him so many times but he would never let me…im hurt and he won’t understand… i dont know what to do.. Help Plz
I’m really tired of the biphobia, and, after many years of being intimate with homo or hetero people, have decided that the only people I will be in intimate relationships with are other bisexual people, whether they are male or female. Bisexual people understand what it is to be bi. Non-bisexuals just don’t get it. I’m so tired of trying to explain my sexual orientation to straight and gay and lesbian people, let alone those who I am in intimate relationships with. I recently broke it off with a woman I was involved with, because she could just not wrap her head around the idea, and kept wanting me to change. I’m done with this. I just want to be with fellow bisexuals in the bisexual community. It’s really sad to come to this, but, I just want to be close to people who understand and won’t be so judgmental. There is so much ignorance surrounding bisexuality, it’s pathetic.
bisexy, I’m 100% with you on that one. Although I’m young, attractive and able to fall in love with both sexes, this gift comes with such a big price. I’m sure I can settle down with one person, but the insecurities in my partner, and theirs of me will always be there.
People are ignorant of Bi guys, many are afraid to show their ’same sex’ attraction and live unhappy straight lives. Its good we can talk about it openly here.
I also think bi should be with bi…. but how little you know about yourself…
I was not ready for all that when I married … thinking I would not “really” be bi. I love him and our three children – but I feel inside that the “ying” relationship is missing. I get so much love through my family that I feel blessed.
At the same time I feel ashamed of being different.
I’m so often dreaming about women, hoping that once again I could have the touch of a women on me – a women who feels the same desire and the same pain of not being able to put it together in one. It could only be a women that is going through the same silent pain and desire.
I have some friends that I can talk to, but I have made the experience that I have to be very careful, because women are able to reject me because of that. I feel that without openly talking about it I’ll never meet someone who could fulfill this dream…
Anyhow – I even feel guilty while dreaming of it – I don’t want to hurt my husband, my children – but it’s quite hurting me…
oh, anybody who takes it as a simple matter of sexual preferences doesn’t allow him/herself real feelings!
I am pansexual, the reason i do not say that i am bi is because i do not see gender as binary. I can be attracted to men, women or individuals who are third gender, gender queer, intersex. The fact that i see gender as none binary means that i know that when i am with one person i will not feel the need to sleep with the other gender as to me it is not a case of one or the other. Some women are more masculine then others, some men are more feminine. Every relationship is different. I am drawn to people who have a balance of masculine and feminine with in them anyway, this can be found in anyone no matter what there sex is. I would feel something missing if i was with a hyper feminine or hyper masculine person, that is who i will only be with more balanced people.
im bisexual, and i happen to like both boys and girls equally. also, i think anyone can be bi. i dont fear it, i accept all my bi friends and i seem to accept myself, as well. honestly, im not really hiding it either i just dont broadcast it to the whole world. if someone asks me what i am, i simply reply, “im bisexual.” the only time i dont is if it is a person who i dont want to find out. also, i really dont think its a problem for anyone and it shouldnt be because as long as you love a person in this world, boy or girl, then it is ok…that is just my opinion
I want to get out from my bisexuality, do you think that i will be able to have a normal sexual life with my wife.
I’m saddened by all the hating on the #2 type of bisexuals. As long as no one’s being deceitful, I don’t think it’s fair to be so negative towards people who need both types of sex in their lives. And yes, there are some people who do need both to be satisfied. So long as these types are honest and open with their partners, I don’t see what the problem is.
I had an inkling that I was bisexual in high school and remember talking about it at one point, but as soon as I spoke, I became very uncomfortable. And I never talked about it again. In college, I tried to be straight until my senior year, when I came out as a lesbian. And for a few years after that, I tried to date women and had some satisfying relationships. In fact, I thought one relationship was going to last forever, but my gf, who was openly bisexual, decided to break things off because she couldnt handle being with a woman for the rest of her life. This killed me. But it also motivated me to explore my other side and date men. Sadly, I tried to declare myself straight. But that didnt work either. And then I went back to a lesbian identity. Lesbians, by the way, are much more unaccepting of bi women than both straight men and women. After all of these years of serial MONOGAMY with both women and men, I have finally decided to be completely open about my bisexuality. I am interested in someone who will accept that I am a complex person.
It took me 20 years to get to this point.
I am a bi man since about 19 years of age…now 60. I was at times a bit promiscuous…over 40 years I have enjoyed over a hundred female sex partners and 15 or 20 men or hetero couples….almost my favorite! I was married for 20 years, 2 children, loved it, loyal….became interested (again) in men after my vasectomy. My parents were very strict and conservative religious….backlash? Bi girls are cute…bi men are dangerous. I thought of “going gay” a lot even though I craved more and more women. I was handsome and very well endowed; loved to do anything and everything girls wanted…taught myself and used drugs to last for plenty long enough…women liked me but marriage scary. As for gay men, or even bi, they might be jealous because I had a big Johnson…also, gay men were “tops’ or “bottoms” while I preferred the 69 and trying everything. The only guy with a bigger rocket than mine was an older gay cat…his routine was to suck me dry then go right up my ass when I was no longer interested. Plus, given his diameter…it hurt! I was dying to see if I could choke him down, but he would not have it. I was his little girlfriend I guess, even tho I was a big macho athlete and construction expert. It just pissed me off and I avoided him. No wonder he was single! I know plenty of gay and bi people…bi is a smallish minority and can be uncomfortable of course socially. There really IS such a thing as a bi male. You can do research all you want. I do not blame my wives for their concern about being untrue. I guess I would have preferred to live in a society which was less restrictive as we might imagine of France, Holland or Spain. I always liked girls more…now I am married again and my wife knows that the only guy or gal who’d fuck me is over 70! Get it while you can….
Dear J.S. I think we are in the same boat. I am a single, 30-year old, heterosexual female. I am currently dealing with the possibilty that my boyfriend of over six months might be bi-sexual/gay.
Some clues have been that he doesn’t go down on me, that he often loses his erection during sex, that he rarely initiates sex – usually only wanting me to give him oral sex, that he has suspiciously intimate relationship with one of his male friends, and just recently finding some photos on his computer.
Over the course of our relationship I have attempted to get answers to my feelings of neglect and inadequacy, to which he has successfully avoided, until this week. I confronted him about the picture I found and he got very defensive. I tried to apologize and thought maybe I was mistaken, but later that night he pulled away and moved my hand when I tried to be affectionate in bed.
Just this morning he apologized to me over the phone and told me that he is sorry and that I’m not the first girlfriend he’s had these troubles with. He says he’s ready to talk (later this evening).
::sigh!:: I’m just trying to be ready for anything….
i always have this idea if bi cannot decide which one to be with, they are indecisive on everything, not just being unfaithful.
and…as long as they are up front about their sexiality, it is the person that is important.
CAN ANYONE HELP ME WITH THIS? I have never been attracted to another woman, and yet I have been fantasizing about being with another girl sexually during masturbation or with my partner. This started when I was 18 when my bf who enjoyed porno would tell me the girl was doing to me What was happening in the porno.
I want to fullfill my fantasy b as it has been 20 yrs, but I am afraid of the repercussions.
2nd part – I have been in a relationship for a while with a male, and have just found out that he has been with a guy while in a threesome with another girl (before he met me). He is telling me that in the throws of passion with the lights outs, it is only sex and he has no attraction to men. He told me that neither one ejaculated during the oral sex.
Is it possible for both of us that this is just pure sexual desires and makes us neither bi, gay, but just open to ideas? I really need to understand this!
I just like already mentioned feel really feel that because I am anatomically dissimilar to a male and my boyfriend has enjoyed sex with people who have what I havent got EXTREMELY threatening and somehow that he is making a compromise. I don’t want to feel that I should feel grateful that he’s choosing me or “Giving up part of a lifestyle” as previously posted because thats making me sound like I am a compromised choice. Noone wants to feel like a compromised choice. I love him more than I have loved everyone, but I cannot help but think that I would be happier if he didn’t find the male form as attractive as mine.
Eve- Your posts have really resonated with me as a cautionary tale. I am dating a wonderful man who identifies as bisexual and the fears you had about not having the anatomical parts and it feeling like he’s compromising are exactly how I feel!!!!!
My question to you is how do I overcome my extreme discomfort? I think that underneath my visceral reaction (which is that i become physically nauseous when I think about his sexual history) is jealousy, inability to trust, and perhaps some lingering homophobia about male-male sex.
It sounds to me like my boyfriend (Matt) is a lot like Harry. He is satisfied by me, is committed to monogamy, and loves the sexual connection we have. However, sometimes when he masturbates he looks at images of naked men or gay porn—that’s where I get confused and hurt.
I told him that I do not like him looking at that kind of porn and that it would be the same feeling if it was asian porn or any type that is very dissimilar to me and what we share.
His response is that it’s important to him to acknowledge his attractions to both genders and that usually the image of a man will provide the initial stimulation but he winds up fantasizing about me and about sexual experiences we’ve had together.
He says is that he likes male parts and female parts but that he likes my parts best of all. I like that idea but if it’s true then why does he have to look at pictures of male genitals when he masturbates?
I’m so confused and conflicted and I’m OBSESSING about this 24/7. I’m making myself miserable and like you, I feel like I’m going insane. I really took your story to heart and I don’t want to lose him over this because I love him very much. I don’t know what to do.
I am a bisexual male and I’m in a wonderful loving relationship with a woman who I cherish!
But after I told her about my sexuality, she was really upset, hurt and concerned. She then sent me a brutally honest email. She said that after I told her she “felt the lump of sickening repugnation”…“It was rising higher, churning my belly and momentarily causing acid to burn my throat”, and with regard to sex: the “very thought of it was unbearable”. She goes on to say that when I left the room “his momentary absence allowed me to unleash a torrent of raw emotion: tears, distaste, guilt, self-hate, sexual jealousy and the most profound destruction of sexual self-esteem I had ever felt”. “The revelation created a hole in my previously inpenetrable blanket and it hovered vulnerably directly above him, allowing the magic of a different sort to violently invade, entrance and lure him into a disparate world. A world where I cannot reclaim him”. “I cannot gratify him in totality and it is this gap or incompleteness which I’m finding upsetting to the point of almost mad depravity”. “I think I have actually lost my mind”.
Hearing that the woman you love, the woman you want to spend your life, the woman you want to have a family with is disgusted by you and finds the relationship hopeless and helpless. Reading that really fucking hurt!
I feel ashamed. I feel like I have some kind of disorder. Its like I have a problem that doesn’t bother me but greatly bothers her. I feel so guilty as a result of it (even though I shouldn’t). It seems like its all my fault that every thing’s changed.
I feel helpless because there’s nothing I can do to change me or to change her or to change the situation. All I can say to her is that I love her dearly and I am sure I want to be with her (if we can get through this).
Reading this forum has reassured me that I’m not alone. I am certain that I will be faithful to her. She has nothing to worry about, as I feel sexually fulfilled with her. I have a much stronger preference for women than for men anyway. I find many women attractive but only very few men to be.
But I still have hope that she can come round to accepting me as I am. We click perfectly in so many ways, especially sexually. I really hope that we can have a long, happy future together.
This is why I keep straight girls in the ‘fun’ section, and bi-girls as my lovers for life. Not all bi-girls are accepting of guy-to-guy as you’d know, but loving a straight women would be heart tearing.
What I see missing from all that is written here on this site about Bisexuality, is the age old problem. Every statement is being made from the “outside” in, versus what is truly happening in a health human being emotionally,m that is courageous enough to look at their sexuality, and know if it is bisexual. All bisexual operate in three main divisions, and this relates to emotional bonding needs, versus “sexual acting, child behaviors, called a sex addiction”. First bisexual are Gay/lesbian/ bi, meaning their “real emotional bonding” and long term commitment are with a same sex partner.
Second, they are Bi/Bi, and their needs is a deep emotional bond, with either sex. Third and last the are Bi/hetrosexual, meaning they emotionally bond for the long term in a opposite sex, partner. As you can see emotional bonding is the reality, not the Bi sexuality that make a long term happy relationship no matter who it is. Most of the statements about bi men or women , are objectifications for use or fear, without any real knowledge. All bisexuals possess is greater “sexual intelligence, born in real time experiences for them”. Read the book “Sexual Intelligence” is clearly states there is no “normal sex” only social rigid, stereotypes so we can get and control another person sexually, a hostage, versus an adult, intelligent, aware, informed, interdependent committed relationship. Sexual choice, emotional bonding and security “must” be defined by every couple by couple partnership. Infidelity, happens in all immature relationships based on whatever suppressed needs are not being or allowed to be expressed in the partnership. Grow up, and get over the sexuality issue, that is not and never is the problem, growing up into a mature, responsive, intelligent adult is, who has a partner and all kinds of sex with them first.
It’s amazing how hard it’s been for me to be “out” to myself, and to others about being bisexual! – I always loved being with women but feared I must be gay because of my strong attractions to men. I tried going “gay” for almost 8 years and found myself in an almost constant state of disappointment. I am now just beginning a relationship with a bisexual woman with a big open heart and mind. I am flabergasted sometimes – somehow it’s so hard for me to accept that I really AM bisexual! — That I prefer a relationship/partnership with a woman and still love intimacy with men. I am blessed in this case because my partner and I can be honest with each other – perhaps I will not have to exclude anything. It’s a dream of mine to have a female PARTNER and a male FRIEND to experience that unique chemistry of male-male love. I am beginning to see that this is not a conflict or a paradox, but just who I am.
Felix, that is brilliant. Thank you. I am learning, really, I am learning…
I am male and completely straight. I have never judged gays. I do not understand gays or bisexuals, but do not judge. I have a beautiful, inside and out, girlfriend who is bisexual and it is torture to me. Please allow me to to put aside the issue of cheating or not being able to be faithful. That is not my fear. I’m sure a bisexual can be faithful. My concern is her HAVING to give up something she is attracted to and has a desire for. I am attracted to women and would NEVER give it up. I am faithful, but every night and every day I enjoy what I am attracted to by having sex with my girlfriend. She does not have that. She is attracted to women and will never have another woman because she is with me. Sorry, but I just can’t believe that is possible. So, I am now terrified of pretty girls. I see my girlfriend looking at pretty girls and realize that there is no way I can compete with them. My fear is that one day she will no longer be able to take not being with a woman and simply tell me that is what she wants. I have read that many bisexuals go through stages of preference, for example, she had periods of time going out with only men, and periods of time going out with only girls, never the two in the same period of time. So, my fear is that one day she will have that strong desire to spend time being with girls again. She will not cheat on me, I’m sure of that. But, it doesn’t mean she will not just want to change from men to women.
So, I ask bisexuals to explain this to me. Remember, I am not talking about cheating. I”m talking about giving up what you are attracted to FOREVER. I don’t believe it is possible.
Hey Afraid. I’m a bisexual 23yr guy. None of this is black and white. For me, I’m fairly young and haven’t quite found my way. I’ll always be attracted to both sexes… plain and simple. I will always have that desire for both sexes as I too share that typical male ‘wandering eye’ but in my case double trouble. I can love one particular person and devote myself completely BUT I will always be tempted and go as far as to say that in a monogamous relationship, I will feel sexually incomplete. I can’t imagine she whould have desires for another guy than yourself, but would it hurt to have a threesome with her and another girl? I too share the almost mainstream hetro guy desire of seeing to girls at it. If you love her and she loves you, you will trust that she is faithful and have a good chat about each others desires…. go from there. Love is worth all this trouble trust me.
I went through a bi phase, but I was just being immature, curious and doing it to get attention, which just made me feel sleezy deep down. Broke a lot of hearts during that petty phase of existence where I didn’t respect myself and understand what an emotionally fulfilling experience it is to have someone you love next to you and NOT HURT THEM.
I’m still mortified that a man I’m dating is bi and not telling me. Probably a bit paranoid because I do believe that bisexuality is a constant choice. I’m older now and have been dating only men, without the drama of other people in our lives. It’s just too “Jerry Springer” LOL!
It’s not just because of the diseases of BI activities, it’s emotional reasons (respect, honesty, shame, neglect, selfishness). If you are looking to have a monogomous relationship with her, I’m afraid that her playing around would be a big problem. Sexual infidelity is a big problem. Lying is a big problem – bi, straight or gay. If they are still looking to be with someone else, they don’t want you. That hurts, but if you sense that you can prepare yourself to move on. If that person can’t control themself enough to respect your emotional support and needs they aren’t the right one for you.
Good luck.
It’s important to remember that bisexuals are every bit as diverse in their sexual expectations as straight and gay people. Sexual orientation is merely an aspect of human sexuality, not its defining characteristic. Bisexuality isn’t a “family” of outlooks, with various related “strains”. Sexually speaking, two people of the same sex aren’t more “related” to each other if they are bisexual than if they were heterosexual or homosexual.
Some of us seek long-term, monogamous, loving relationships, others look for something else. Some feel they need both men and women to be happy. Some need only one, with the other being more of a “bonus”. Some need a partner, regardless of gender. Some enjoy sex but don’t feel any “need” around it. Some are asexual and uninterested in sex. The only thing all bisexuals really have in common is what define them as bisexual : the capacity to be attracted to more than either men or women.
Afraid of Girls Now… in the end, you’ve probably guessed it, the only one who can help you to determine if your girlfriend is really made for a monogamous life with a man is your girlfriend herself. You can ask her about the way she envisions her bisexuality ; she may begin to suspect what you’re worried about, but as long as it doesn’t become too blatant and can’t be interpreted as a condemnation of her sexual orientation, it should be OK. More specifically, try to find out if she has different expectations with a woman than with a man.
Now, if it can reassure you, I can still expose my own personal feelings on the subject. The emotional and psychological qualities that tend to attract me are pretty much the same, regardless of gender. As for the more physical side… well, I’ll try a comparison. Let’s say I find large breasts AND small breasts attractive in their own way, despite them not looking the same, not feeling the same, and not having the same sexual “properties”. Now, if I had a flat-chested girlfriend… would I feel the urge to sleep with heavily equipped women ? I don’t think so.
Thanks for the response Murdin. Although somewhat enligtening, you still did not answer my question. My girlfriend has not been able to anwer the question either. She and I have very open discussions about this. She gives the same type of examples as the one you gave. I appreciate the example but it does not fit my question. If I am attracted to both large breasts and small breasts, and have a monogamous relationship with a small breasted woman, I am still going to have breasts every day. I am not giving up breasts. My girlfriend used hair color as her example. I like blondes, she has black hair, she asked if I am going to miss girls with blonde hair. My answer is the same, I like girls with blonde hair, I like girls with black hair, whichever I choose to be with I a am still going to be with a girl everyday.
I need a bisexual to answer my question directly. To be in a monogamous relationship with the opposite gender, a bisexual actually has to GIVE UP completely something they have a desire for. They HAVE TO make a decision to NEVER have something they are attracted to. If a bisexual is male, (and in my eyes gay), he has to realize he is never going to be with a man again. Or female, (and in my eyes lesbian), she has to realize she will never be with a woman again.
So, Murdin, you were kind enough to share your personal point of view, thanks. Will you answer my question? I assume you are male. How would you feel if you decided to have a permanent, long term, monogamous relationship, MARRAIGE, with a straight female? You would never touch or be touched by a man again. How are you going to give up something that is part of your life? How are you going to handle never having something you desire and want? Aren’t you going to miss being with men for the rest of your life? Every day for the rest of your life you are gong to see attractive men, you will have desires and urges that will NEVER be fulfilled. Your wife will not be able to fulfill or satisfy those urges ever.
That is my fear with my girlfriend. As a man, I am never going to satisfy or fullfill her urges and desires for a woman. I have those desires and urges and if I couldn’t have them fulfilled I would be one miserable person.
I think honesty is the most important but the most difficult thing. I’m so amazed that your girlfriend had the guts to tell you!
My experience of straight relationship as a bi-woman:
I could not be with someone else than my husband, because I love him and respect him. But I dream often of women, their tender skin and soft touch, making love to women, and it is true that I miss that in some way. I really would like to meet a women who is bi and goes through the same silent desire, although it hurts to have this desire! Mayve just to talk about it with someone who understands…
But on the other side, I’m happy when I’m with my husband – nothing is missing on this part. I love him fully and deeply.
So what is it?
I think it is just that women and men are different – and I like the female sensuality – I’m absolutely not interested in another man (my husband is there), but I’m still afraid about my dreams and desire concerning women… it is like it would be another thing, and that I am still not sure if I would resist a woman’s approach.
Saying that, we are now 10 years together, have 3 children, are a strong and happy family and I’ve never cheated on him. I’m just feeling very much alone with my bi-nature / because I didn’t tell it to my husband, thinking it would not be of any importance – and now, reading all this, I would never tell him, because I don’t want to hurt him with something that is only in my dreams…
by the way – I’m not thinking of anybody else than him when were having sex, but I sometimes think about women while masturbating.
Afraid,
It sounds like your issue has nothing to do with bisexuality. We all have attractions that most of the time aren’t completely met by our partners. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about breast, bisexuality, or as your gf pointed out, hair color. The issue here is your own insecurity. If you were dating a straight girl, nothing would stop her from looking at other guys. I’m sure you’re a great dude, but don’t flatter yourself: No guy is perfect, including yourself.
There will always be other people out there (both guys and girls) that both we and our partners find attractive, but a monogamous person is a monogamous person, regardless.
If your gf is reassuring you that she’s satisfied, then take it for what it is. Probing her and other bisexual women for a golden ticket answer isn’t going to quell the insecurities that you feel. Namely, because there is no golden ticket answer!
How do hetero or gay men handle relationship with bisexual people? The same way we handle relationships with any other person: with respect and trust.
It’s not that you don’t trust your girl; you don’t trust yourself. At least as far as satisfying her sexually. Sure, she is attracted to women, something that you can’t fulfill. But have you thought about something that you are extremely attracted to that she doesn’t have and can never fulfill? My guess is despite those things (no matter how big or small), you stay with her because you’re satisfied with HER, not what she can’t give you.
The #1 myth about bisexuals is that they are promiscuous and attracted to everything walking the planet. Twice the opportunities, twice the fun a lot of people think. False. What it really comes down to is the individual, not the opportunity. I’ve found this to be more true with bisexual people than straight or gay folks.
Frankly my friend, you’re wasting precious time that you could be enjoying with your monogamous girlfriend. Instead of trying to tell her what will satisfy her, try asking her and I bet the answer is that you’re already doing it!
If she’s going to leave you for a girl, it won’t be because you don’t have a vagina.
Why can’t a bisexual just answer the question? How do you handle not having what you are attracted to? Or can you? I am done asking. I broke up with my girlfriend today.
the same way you hold yourself back from going for the chick that is by far out of your league and many times hotter than your girlfriend. But that girl just becomes a desire, your heart is folded into your own partner. You can’t tell me you don’t desire? its only human. I’m a bi guy and date mainly bi people….. I share your insecurities as I’m sure the other bi dating me is as well. Go back to her, she must have loved you to stay faithful with you. Don’t let your ‘what if’s’ get in the way!
Dear Afraid,
Despite whether or not this girl spends her life with a boy or girl, she is still going to have a PERSON everyday. She is not giving up having a person in her life.
Just to defend the type 1 bisexual, I am a 23 year old male that is a type one who still has the V card. Im not out of the closet but I have accepted myself for a while now. Im the type that gays think I could be gay but straights see me as a hetero guy. The way I look at it, if I fall in love with a female I will never have to explain my feelings for past males. I dont need both male and female body part I just need the be in love with the individual…but I dont like the idea of calling myself pansexual. For the past 2 years I have been really into this guy; Im too much of a coward to make a move. He fits into the same category as me, he could be gay/bi/straight I just dont know and he is not out of the closet (assuming he is bi/gay). Probably bi/gay though, he is pretty fem. Im afraid to make a move, we have the same group of friends but he and I dont hang out. But, the way he looks at me…there could be something there. Neither one of us date a lot and we are both pretty reserved; omg I want to get to know him so bad. I would just hate to express myself to him to find out he is truly straight and he rejects me; then me being bi would be out too.
Someone Help Me! please!
Psychology teaches us that only 10 percent of the total population is either really really straight or really really gay. The rest of the 90 percent is bisexual, and there are tests to show this.
I have a fear about coming out, it is my experience that my family really does not look well upon “gays” and my mother thinks that if you are gay, that means I want to be a woman…. I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING A MAN. And then with the idea of me being bisexual is harder than just being gay, if I was gay I could just say “hey I like men”, but I do like women and that is the way it is. And I know most straight guys have a fear of being friends with a bisexual male. Most of my family are convicts too, and I almost fear physical danger if I were to come out. I know that soon it will be easier to be myself than live this lie. But being bisexual is hard and the hardest part is people really don’t understand it, they think all of these things that they have no proof to back up. I am just a normal 18 year old boy, I like guys and girls, both the same. I am content with the one partner I have at a time, even though it is just as hard to find love. THIS IS NOT WHO I AM, it is a PART of who I have become. I just wish people could see that.
He first time ever posting here! Just came 2 say I’m a bi male who was rasied by hardcore catholics .I believe that someone is born bi/gay/stright. If it was influenced by inviroment I should be damning every one who isn’t a stright catholic but I believe people hate everone even remotely related 2 the gay comunity because the doubt them selves sexually.
My boyfriend (now ex) left me two months ago. He was the guy that posted below me in October as shown above(Harry). It’s a lesson learned to treasure forever the person that is in your heart and not to let that come between you. It will always be a regret of mine that he left me because he felt I would never accept him for who he is. I do now, but it’s too late. Please let that be a lesson to all partners who have feared bisexuality. If you love them, open your eyes, because you’ll never know how much you’ve lost until it’s gone.
I wish more women would be open-minded about bisexual men. I’m a bisexual black male student at a University in Ontario. I’m out to my mom, sister, cousins and a few friends. Haven’t told my stern father ( he’s a conservative cop) yet. I love my girlfriend. She’s a lovely African girlfriend. I would die for her any day of the week. Yet I can’t tell her I’m bi because she would never accept me. I don’t want to lie to her. I would never cheat on her. I’ve only been with 1 guy and about 3 girls and I’m 25. I’m HIV negative and monogamous. Am I bad for keeping my bisexuality from her ?
I think you know the answer to that question. Your heart tells you every-time you look at her. You are bad if yu cheat on her for either guy or girl. The rest is comfort for your conscious. Personally, if I loved her that much as I think you do, then what is in the past can be shared minus some details. If your heart is hers, love is too precious to risk.
I’m a pansexual woman and find it difficult to get in touch with bi (or pan) sexual men and women. As a pansexual woman I prefer to be in a relationship with someone pan- or bisexual because we ‘get’ eachother.
And yes bisexuals and pansexuals can be in a monogamous relationship just as straight and gay people. That is to each induvidual! There are also many gay and straight people who can’t be monogamous. I actually know a lot of straight and gay couples with open relationships.
Someone asked if you’re in a relationship with a man don’t you ever have the desire to be with a woman (or transexual, shemale etc) because of your bisexuality. Ofcourse, there’s always a desire but if you choose to be monogamous then you just don’t give in. Just the same as straight or gay people being in a monogamous relationship. There’s also someone else who can fulfill part of ur needs ur partner can’t.
I feel there’s a lot of hostility against bisexuals and pansexuals from the straight and especially the gay comunity. I find gays more intolerant towards bisexuals than straight people. Gays tend to claim that bisexual men are actually gay but are afraid to come out ..STUPID!!! This is something I’ve heared so many times and pisses me of. Who gives you the right to decide what a persons sexual preference is. No one can make that decison for someone else. It’s ignorant!
IMO bisexuality is more natural than being totally gay or straight. Society is also build on this devision that you’re either straight or gay. I atleast as a child never heared of bisexuality ..but I did hear all about straight or gay. This is why actually homosexuality is more accepted nowadays than bisexuality or pansexuality.
You know……this is so great when people will actually accept you for who you are,they won’t turn their backs on you and say come back when your straight……..they’ll atop people from ruining a bisexuals life…..just what I need in times………plus it’s not just a phase…….it’s a life choice……you are or aren’t,ou can’t just call it a phase,bi for 13 years and freaking proud of it!!!!!!! (I’m 13 years old)
this is my perfect definition of Bisexual “1- First type are people who can fall in love with either gender but don’t need both genders at the same time. So if that person is in a relationship with a man, they don’t need to have sex with women. And if they are in a relationship with a woman, they don’t need a man. They are perfectly content with the partner they are with. In my experience, they can be as faithful as anyone else. ” I always like man and woman love the man for be a man and the woman for be a woman. since I was sexually abuse child my sexual life a my sex life has always been a disaster right now ‘m in my 5th year of very stressful relationship with a pretty girl, that relationship I’m trying to finish in that relationship became abusive since the moment she discovered that I had had sexual encounters with men, every time we broke up. despite everything we are manic dependent on each other, we are the organization has promoted apezar. All I can highlight the entire story is that whatever you do, sleep with whoever wants to be faithful, do not lie.
@EVE
Wow you’ve learnt from the hard way, congratulation then! but one thing i want you to see, sexuality happens in spontaneously inevitable and not everyone happy with their own sexuality.
If only I could change that *sigh*
@Harry
I feel sorry for you. Sometimes, we have to live in full of pretenses no matter what it takes and no matter what happened… why?? Because we’re reserving the situation for our own sake! If I was in your shoes, I will never tell anyone without knowing their sexuality first.
I don’t think its as much of fearing bisexuality as it is fearing unknown or getting involved with someone where you are not sure how they feel. I would think very insecure people should not be with bi people as they will always worry about the other sex or everyone that walks by their mate since the mate could potentially be attracted to them all. Its almost like doubling potential threats and that is the last thing an insecure person would need.
@Lucy
I’m not an insecure person, but I am a Bi-guy. When you have a bi-guy/girl there is always/sometimes doubt in the back of your mind that you are inadequate for your bi-partner, that you have physical parts that will never sexually fulfil him/her. You question whether they prefer the guy/girl more than you. Its so much more different and complex from the heterosexual equivalent. That is the insecurity some are questioning, one I am bombarded with in some of my bi-partners and also one they are insecure with me.
For me, I keep straight people in a ‘fun only’ category, ‘gay’ as ‘fun only & potential life partners although very clingy’ and Bisexuals ‘lifepartners most likely in open relationships’. For me, I am best mates with my ‘boyfriend’ if you wish, but our relationship is likened to that of two straight guys who don’t mind sharing a girl now and then between buddies. He gets me, and I get him. I know his needs as a bi and we openly are willing to share a good looking bi-girl between us and sometimes another guy. We act as each others wing man, but we both want to have bi-girls to settle with but still be together now and then. Its true you can love more than one person, hes my best friend, and you can’t tell me its every lifetime you find a person that walks the same path as you literally as a boy to a man, as well as sexually/emotionally minded. If any analogy is appropriate, it would be the simple sentence ‘I see you’ fro Avatar the movie.
I am a bisexual man and have had several long term relationgjips with women. As well as 3 shorter term with men. All were monogomous. The thought of sex with men and attraction comes up, but also the thought of sex with other women. I value committed dedicated relationships because it builds intimacy. I am single again. And I am facing so many misconceptions in the dating world it is crazy. About the “compeeting thing. Can the competition stop once you are in a committed relationship or married? I am going out of my way to please the one I live – it is not a competition.
I think bisexual men are confused. I think their practices endanger women. I was in a relationship for three years and didnt know my partner was bisexual until I caught him. I had asked him many times about his sexuality and he always jumped on the defensive. He couldnt be honest. I think most bisexual men are dishonest.There not telling their female partners the truth. They are taking away the females choice to be involved with that type of behavior or not!
i know now my bf is bi and seeeing men behide my bk what should i do?
Lisa, you should have a very direct conversation with him. Are you okay with having an open relationship, where one or both of you have multiple partners? If you aren’t, you have to tell him that. If you two had an understanding that you would both be monogamous, then it sounds like he broke your trust and you need to figure out what the result of that break is. Whether you want to stay with him is your decision.
I think being bi sexual guy has a sexual and other appeal to it
I have known many bisexual men over the years on the “straight” side it usually closeted, on the “gay” side highly politicized “identity” politics. The “straight” bisexuals usually don’t come out because they don’t want to tarnish their hetero image in pursuit of women. I have pursued mostly women and have been out. I have also had one very loving relationship with a man. My choice to be out comes from not only honesty but also I want whatever relationship I choose to be celebrated by my friends. I am now dating a bisexual woman and it works out great, we have some differences but it is nice to be loved for all that I am. In the very end we are just finding the partner we are meant to be with.
This article is insulting as hell,this perpetuates the notion we can put people’s sexuality in a box and that is simply not the case. We shouldn’t treat homosexuality,bisexuality,etc… as something that’s “different”. There is no need to put labels of any kind on sexuality,it’s far to complex of a subject to catigorize.
Furthermore people can be assholes regardless of sexual orientation you don’t have to be bi to be a cheating prick.
I am a male who can be (physically or emotionally) in love with either another male or a female. I do prefer men on an emotional level,however women are just as much an option.