Do You Fear Bisexuality?
Monday February 11, 2008
The bisexual man: a confused player that can't be completely trusted by other men or women since neither can fulfill his complete desires. The bisexual woman: a sexually liberal confidant eager to share her desires with multiple partners of choice. These: perceptions that run rampant among skeptics who consider bisexuality a phase (or as a permission slip for infidelity) and not a position of sexual moderatism.____
Read: Top Myths About Bisexual People
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Ironically, bi misconceptions don't go both ways (at least not equally). The men are easily seen as hosts of mistrust and the women: mavens of straight male fantasy. Are bisexual women more readily accepted than bi men? Why are bisexual women so often reduced to sex? Why is the bisexual man seen as having an insatiable sexual appetite?
The readers speak on bisexuality:
- I don't think that most women are threatened that their husband/boyfriend is bisexual because of prejudice; I think it is more along the lines of fearing that their man is revealing that he is attracted to a man and women don't have male parts. When you are competing with someone that you are not anatomically equal with it is hard to not feel that your man is going to decide he would rather be with a guy and have a different sort of sex life.
- I think bisexuality is harder for men than for women. Straight men get turned on by bisexual women and so it is something that is encouraged in our society. You will rarely meet a guy who is upset over his girlfriend's bisexuality. They usually love it! For bisexual men, it's harder, because straight women are not turned on by the fact that their man is [expletive] other guys. They feel threatened by it. And since society wants men to be either one thing or the other—either totally straight or totally gay, bisexual men have a hard time fitting in.
- I think there are two types of bisexuals:
1- First type are people who can fall in love with either gender but don't need both genders at the same time. So if that person is in a relationship with a man, they don't need to have sex with women. And if they are in a relationship with a woman, they don't need a man. They are perfectly content with the partner they are with. In my experience, they can be as faithful as anyone else.
2- The second type of bisexuals are the ones known for being unfaithful. They have a hard time sexually committing to one gender. So if they are in a relationship with a man, they also need to have sex with women on the side. And if they are in a relationship with a woman, they also need men on the side. I think people fear those bisexuals because they feel that they can only give them half of what they need. - Not all women would turn down a bisexual man. In fact, I would prefer to be with a bisexual man because as a bisexual myself, I feel that a lot of bisexuals are more enlightened about themselves and their sexuality, since I believe that it is the person and not the gender that is important. I think almost everyone is bisexual if they would open their minds to the conception.
Image © Gözde Otman.
Comments
I think we are all bisexual! If not all, most!
Thank you so much for posting this. I get sick of hearing the “It’s just a phase…” stuff from people even after being open about it for sixteen years.
Love your writings.
I’m dating a bisexual man right now. We are both black and I’m gay and we’re both in our 30’s. So far, we’ve been monogamous and he has sworn this to me. I just don’t know if he could be satisfied with me. Any advice? Should I break it off or continue? I’m pretty confused because I never thought that I would be dating someone who is bisexual!
Let me start with a Quote: “The time has come, i think, when we must recognize Bisexuality as a normal form of Human behavior… we shall not really succeed in discarding the straitjacket of cultural beliefs about Sexual choice if we fail to come to terms with the well-documented, normal Human capacity to Love members of BOTH sexes.” This quote goes back to 1975 by Margaret Mead one of the most highly respected Anthropologists of the last Century!!! I am a Bisexual and VERY proud of it and if ANYone can’t deal with that then the problem lies with them not me!!!
in all my years of dating it’s has always been the other person’s negative outlook. always worrying about what might be and not what it actually is.
If you keep doin’t whatcha been doin you’ll keep gettin whatcha been gettin.
Here you go, Bud:
Are You Enough For Your Bi Boyfriend?
Thanks Mona,
This is my first bi-sexual relationship and as such, it’s an adjustment for me. I was focusing on the negative and not the positive which is: out of both the men and women, he chose me. I chose to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. The crazy part? He has treated me with WAAAAAYYYYY more respect than ANY gay man or straight woman that I have ever been with. The even crazier part? We haven’t mde love yet out of fear from both of us but we are SWIFTLY overcoming that issue! It really feels good to be involved with a fellow black man though. WHether he is gay or bisexual. I have another question: Are there ANY gay or bisexual black meetings or organizations around? If so, PLEASE let me know. You advice REALLY helped me because I was going to break it off, I’m glad that I didn’t!
Personally, I prefer bisexual men. Not just because the idea of seeing two guys is incredibly hot (That’s just a bonus) but also because bisexual men are much more open with their sexuality. They tend to see the fluid nature of human sexuality more clearly and are less judgmental of others. Since I’m a very open minded woman i prefer an open minded, free-spirited man.
I’m involved with a bi-sexual man and the main hesitation for me making the move to become a “couple” is that I feared that I am not equipt to compete with a man. He assured me that he was only “bi-friendly” but after a year of us being together, I discovered that he had sex with a man right before I came over(he didn’t hide the evidence fast enough). I am in the process of trying to forgive him because I love him, but he kind of insinuated that it was my fault because I wasn’t into group sex and didn’t want to watch him have sex with a guy. My feelings have always been if you are in a monogamous relationship,cheating (hetero, homo, or bi) is not acceptable. He made it seem as if it is something he cannot control, as if he has to be with a man or TS gal. I don’t quite get his logic….
euphoria - - i would advise you not to get involved with that man unless you’re okay with fulfilling his sexual fantasies and believing his lies……which it seems like you’re not ok… just my advice. he would be an example of the “bad” bisexual guy as was briefly described above in the article. There are some good bi guys out there, too. Don’t be discouraged…
Why does everyone automatically equate bisexuals with promiscuity or needing to have both sexes at the same time? Thats the biggest barrier we have in life. We (bisexuals) are just as capable of having committed relationships with one person as anyone else! When we choose to be monogamous we are making a hard decision because we are giving up a part of our identity and choosing the partner above that. We become either fully gay or fully heterosexual ina committed monogamous relationship. Why dont people appreciate that?
Wow, I must be one of the few men who is really turned off by my girlfriends bisexuality…I cannot stand the idea of her with other girls, and I hate always being told “why can’t you like it that I have sex other girls?”. I just don’t! cheating is cheating no matter the gender.
i am in a relationship with a wondrful woman, but i keep getting the urge to have an encounter with another man[ ihave,nt up till now],some times during sex i ask her what she would like, she tells me she would like a younger woman to make love to her. this really turns me on, this is the same response each time we have sex,do you think that she really would like it or is it, as she says, just a fantasy, i have never told her about my feelings as i fer she may reject me, she is rather shy about sex and very reluctant to try different things,but she says she enjoys what we have
I have been married for 10 year to my husband. He never told me rior to our marriage, that he had been involved in several gay relationships. Our first 2 years of marriage were wonderful. Then he stopped wanting to have sex with me. I knew something was wrong. I asked many times if he wasn’t in love with me or what the problem was.
It took him another 6 years to tell me he had been molested from 9 y.o to 14. I listened, and said how important it was for him to know how much I loved him and now that I knew about this we would work on it together. He said he wanted counseling and felt that he had to finally tell me because of his love for me.
He went to counseling briefly and our marriage remained essentially the same sexually and started to diminish.
We separated for one year to take care of our parents health issues and to work on repairing our relationship.
During that year his mother and grandmother died within 3 weeks of each other.
During the year separation, he became a totally different person. He met knew friend and hour away from where he lived. He didn’t want me to meet them. He would stay out many times til 4-6 a.m and sometimes not return home til the next am. He stopped working. His personality changed drastically. Needless to say the truth came out unexpectedly. I confronted him aboutusing drugs and been bisexual. After hard evidence he admitted to both.
He spent most conversations telling me he had been faithful to me. I am hetero. I didn’t know how to respond to bisexuality.
I did not want to leave him because of my love for him.
I found too much evidence that he was untruthful to me.
I said many times to him why are you staying with me when it is obvious that you prefer the other side of bi.
He said that he gave up his “friend” for me, who he never did anything with and his friend doesn’t know he is bi. Both are untrue. I have proof of it.
I am hurting and want to be opened minded about bisexuality. I just feel that this relationship is doomed. Not because of his bisexuality, but his ease in lying to me. Any advise?