Would You Rather Have Good Love or Good Sex?

Last week, the Gay Life forum members and I started playing Would You Rather, a game where one person poses a question with only two hypothetical answers from which the players must choose.

Here is the latest question:

"Would you rather have a relationship where the sex is incredible (but not the love) or a relationship where you are deeply in love but the sex is just OK?"

Same-gender feelings are often reduced to sex, with little consideration for the emotional and spiritual bonds gay men share. So, I thought the question above would she some light on how every-day gay men feel about love and sex in relationships. Here are some of the responses:

• "I take the love. Sex is good and all, but there are always ways around that. But if there isn't good love there is little to be done."


• "Without a doubt, love. Sex is just a tiny fraction of the relationship I have with my partner."

Then, another reader, we'll call J, added a slightly complicated twist to the question. He asked:

"Suppose you can't make the sex better, no matter how hard you try, but you can't leave this person either because you love them so much. You try to tell yourself that it doesn't matter, but you can't get away from the fact that sex is very important to you--apparently more so than it is to your partner--and this becomes a source of conflict in your relationship. Suddenly you're arguing about everything, and you're driving each other crazy, but you still have this bond that holds you together."

What's your answer? If you could only have one, would you rather have good love or good sex in a relationship? And would there be room for compromise in your relationship? Comment below or join this discussion.

_{Image © Thomas Egger.}