Controlling Your Boyfriend's Anger Management Issues

Hi Mona Lisa,

Was wondering if you can shed some light on my situation. My partner and I are in a committed relationship and have been together for almost two years. We're both intense people, very into each other. He's always been the hot-tempered one in our relationship, while I'm the more relaxed, calm one. He's the type of person who gets frustrated and makes a big deal about taking the wrong exit on the freeway (and blames me for not helping him read the signs) or has a short fuse when something doesn't get done exactly the way he wants it, like fixing new curtains ("You don't know how to fix curtains!"), or putting on Christmas lights ("Why didn't you tell me the socket was on the other side!?"). And then as soon he explodes, he calms down and starts smiling and being goofy again acting like nothing happened.

Is it just me or is that ridiculous and immature?

Frustrated in OC

Dear OC,

It's not just you, he is being very immature—especially in the context of a relationship. I'm willing to bet your man is an adult version of that kid I saw the other day in Starbucks screaming, rolling on the floor and doing other attention grabbing things while his mom stoically ordered her coffee. I'm not sure if she thought that by ignoring his tirade people wouldn't realize that Damien wasn't hers or if she thought that by ignoring his antics he wouldn't get the attention he needed, thus would calm down or if she was just fed up and tuned it all out. Either way, it wasn't the mom's fault. I could tell she was from the era of tantrum time outs and child empowerment. I was raised in a get-our-act-together kind of household where the kids were accountable for their actions.

Mom, I mean 'mo, your man obviously has anger management issues and has obviously never dealt with his destructive temper. Why should he have to? You stand by his side like the Starbucks mom ignoring his episodes or backing down from his way-too-old-to-be-acting-like-that behavior... read more

_{Image © Martin Walls.}