Myth: All Gay Men Have Anal Sex

I’m so glad to see this paragraph, as I have never allowed anyone to try to penetrate me and I have not tried it with anyone else in many years. I just feel that is not where my d* or anyone else’s is designed to go. I’m entirely oral. Would love to chat with other guys who feel the same.

lcsw4u@verizon.net

I love 2 talk with u dear

totally with you on this one, I’ve been gay for years. I’ve never tolerated that type of act and i’m always asked by straight people what is it that i do. I get tired of that question because all gay men having anal sex is a myth

i agreed with you

I too am happy to see this little known fact reported. I think there is social pressure to view anal sex as “the norm” so much so that those of us who do not favor the practice are seen as oddities. I know no shortage of young, just out, gay men who think that unless they get penetrated, they haven’t had sex. We need to respect our individual differences and preferences around sexual intimacy and allow for variety of expression.

I perfer just simply “Oral” why it is safe.
Yes somewhat contridiction if a guy never
tells. The truth regarding HIV status but
anyway I never. Appreciate the bottom allure
I found displeasure like. Many me I’m fond of
fingering (and) rimming but not Anal. To me
it is not initatment to well shall say. It
to femme for me if wanted anal I date woman
Most men perfer oral and body kissing over
anal.

I perfer non anal reason safe sex. Or no
sex I no it sounds vauge but unhealthy.
The risk of HIV believe allot my friends
are positive. So I perfer oral over Anal
as most men.

I get so tired of people thinking that all gay & bi men have anal sex that is so far from the truth, I tried using anal beads i never got pleasure from it. I went to this website man2manalliance.org it has open my mind to frot plus it is almost 100& safe, i now believe that the anus is only for exit.

To those who say Oral is safer, it really isn’t. Just the same. You can contract STDs from having semen in your mouth. Or if the penis has any secretions. Always use protection, safe sex is better than ANY sex.

To the Feb. 9 3am poster, you are wrong. Although oral sex carries some risk, it is much less dangerous than anal sex. The tissues in the mouth are nowhere near as susceptible as the tissues in the rectum. I am not advocating unprotected sex with people whose statuses are unknown, because that is dangerous regardless. HIV can be still be spread through the oral route, but it is less likely.

I am 25 years old and I have bottomed maybe 6 or 7 times so far and don’t really enjoy it. I can TOLERATE it so long as I am on top but honestly it just really isn’t my thing. My friends (even the straight ones) think that it is odd that I am a gay man and don’t enjoy giving or receiving anal sex. Truthfully, the only reason that I even did it to begin with was because I felt like it was something I SHOULD be doing and SHOULD enjoy. However, I have come to the conclusion that sex is something that is meant to be enjoyed and if anal isn’t my thing I shouldn’t force myself to like something that isn’t pleasurable to me. It is really hard for me to meet guys like me who are more into oral and “heavy petting” (for lack of better words). I think I know of two other guys who are like me in that respect. Would love to meet more. My e-mail addy is creativespirit0184@yahoo.com and you can look me up on MySpace. My screen name is

Most of us gays love and enjoy anal sex to its maximum extent, so does the majority of bi’s. Even some women do and men they feel its more pleasurable because the annus is narrower than the vagina. Those who doesn’t like anal sex I respect them and it’s up to them. I love it and most gays in the world agree with me. Anal sex is enjoyable but its all in the mind. If you have set up your mind to not enjoying anal sex then you’ll definetly will not enjoy it. It’s like frigid, anorgasmic women.

This topic is music to my ears.I havent been sexually active for two years because i simply do not enjoy anal sex,and oral sex is still somewhat risky.someone did that intercrural act with me but i never knew it had a name.so i think ill get back into the sex scene but with frottage and intercrural sex only.thanx for the info!

the last time i got screwed was about 10 years ago. never liked it, but i would do it if the other person needed to do it. after the last time, i said i will never do it again, and so far, i haven’t done it and i have no plans to ever do it again. if the other person has a problem with that, it’s just that – his problem.

It’s very discouraging that so many dating sites for men require you to put top, bottom, or versatile. Some of us are none of the above. And it’s sad how many men bottom and don’t even like. They do it to fit in, to be liked…or even loved.

Just about every gay man who has HIV has gotten it from anal sex. What’s sad is we’ve known how to prevent HIV for 25 years now yet our community is still greatly affected by it.

Bill Weintraub calls it the buttf–k dictatorship and I agree. It’s about time guys who don’t like anal take a stand and say they don’t like it, they don’t want a disease, they’re not pussy bottoms, and they’re not going to do it.

It’s time for men to start being men again and leave their anus to expel waste.

I’m 25 and pretty much havent enjoyed anal sex at all, just not my thing, but i guess i’d do it if i met the “right” person, which hasnt happened yet soo…yea. Umm but if anyone else feels the same or wants to chat and relate email me at . Peace.

I am a female doctor and have treated gay male patients for anal and rectal problems, many of them confessed they pretended to enjoy anal sex because they wanted to be accepted, etc. If I advised them to give it a rest for health reasons, they often seemed so relieved, even happy.

hi doctor you so nice and pretty.you are my ideal

Thanks fellas, this thread really shed light on this topic, and settled a debate I was having on the topic. The open and honest commentary was very informative and relatable, and I wanted to say thanks to those who posted their stories. Your voices are appreciated! Keep up the great work Ramon!

I’m bisexual but I would have to really, really love a guy to let him in between my thighs and for me to reciprocate. The idea of anal during casual sex just turns me off. Oral is much, much more appealing to me. I feel it’s a more tender, loving means of emotional expression.

However, I know he’s out there!

I love anal sex, more than vaginal, I just wish my boyfriend would let me try doing him…., what’s pleasure without a little of it of pain !

I enjoy oral lots. however normaly i dont get a erection but when my guy is inside of me i get a great hard on and can ejaculate when being taken

I am so glad there are more ways for two men to enjoy each other’s bodies than anal and Oral Sex! I personally prefer oral sex, mutual masturbation, and frottage over anal sex anyday!

it is just wrong to be gay anyway. or, at least, thatwhat i was raised to belive. what would lead you to be gay? i want to know.

Because Men are sexy!!! Thats why.:)

The comment adnora left REALLY makes me sad! People need to stand up and say what they really want out of a sexual encounter rather than deceive themselves and their partner. There is entirely too much dishonesty and “giving in” that’s going on in the gay community and I truthfully believe that it is ruining us! Participating in anal sex doesn’t make you any more manly or any more gay than choosing oral/frot etc. This is an issue that I am very passionate about because I was emotionally abused by a man who thought that he was not having sex unless he penetrated me. He all but ruined my self-esteem and has caused me to have severe anxiety when it comes to sex and dating. I get physically violent when I hear people say things like “Well you aren’t gay if you aren’t a top or a bottom”. As a matter of fact, just typing those words infuriates me!! Stand up people! Say what you mean and mean what you say! Don’t give into something just bc you think you have to in order to be loved and accepted. If you like anal…fine! But don’t hate on people who are different from you!

I dont like give anal sex at all, however I love being taken and receive anal sex all the time, as well as give oral sex and receive it. and it doesnt have to do with something anormal.

I dont actually love give anal sex. however I looove being taken and receive it. It doesnt have to do with something anormal, to the contrary it means, that as human being we know how explore our sexuality the way we are supposed to.

My husband loves it when I use a dildo on him. It’s pretty big. I worry about hurting him and am concerned about the spincter muscles. Should I be if it’s only ocasional?

I’m 29 and I’m gay, I have been involved in a relationship with the greatest guy ever during the last six months but we have an initmacy issue because of the anal sex… I’m not a big fan of playing bottom, indeed I feel terrible pain when he tries to fuck me…. the thing is that he thinks that sex without anal sex is not sex at all, i i try to relax and to enjoy it but it seems that my anus is not willing to cooperate

this may sound desperate but i dont want to lose him because of this… i feel like a frigid bitch LOL

Rather you are Gay & Bi or Straight anal sex is a no no, it may not affect you now but later down the road you will have health problems if i gotta be single if i don’t want a dick in my ass so be it.

Wht are u talkng abt if u chnge ur partner time to time it makes ur health low.

Anal sex is a no no regardless of gender and sexual orientation down the road it cause heath problems.

Such a relief, even from such a simple paragraph. I’m 17 and coming to terms with my sexuality, but have been so terrified that I’m going to either have to live as a ‘straight guy’ in misery, or a ‘gay guy’ in physical pain! I know it’s rich coming from a homo, but anal just isn’t natural.

Hi there peeps. Yes It’s a fact that not all of us enjoy anal sex. It’s not the sweetest smelling time if you know what I mean and certainly not the safest. The quickest way to contract HIV is vaginal and anal penetrative intercourse. Is frottage the ultimate safe sex act though? NOPE! No sex is 100% safe except what you do with yourself. Frottage does carry some risk like when you two ejaculate in a full embrace and your penises are swimming in the ejaculate. If the guy is infected semen could enter the urethra and infect the mucus membrane lining it. Or if your partner tries to masturbate you with ‘wet hands’ all over your head. Not the on your shoulders. Minor abrasions from all the rubbing and of course the damn urethra are all potential points of entry for the virus. But so far everything points to frottage being a hell lot safer for HIV than other forms of sex. Still doesn’t rid you of the danger of other nasties like warts, herpes etc. The problem with the gay community is promiscuity and the casual approach to sex. Go on any gay website. See how many people are on there looking for no strings fun…that says it all.

Well, I am a woman and I am relieved to see this in a more open forum. My ex-husband is bisexual and used to moan and complain about how I should open my mind a little more to anal sex. I must have tried it seven times and he went out of his way to make it extremely painful and told me to “Take it like a man”. I been slightly phobic about it until I began a “Friends with benefits” arrangement with my current squeeze. He’s my best friend and he’s actually completely gay, but painfully single. (Before you judge, please know that it’s actually a really good relationship. He’s openly gay, therefore there’s no expectations and no “faking” anything. We’re not “beards” because no one knows but you guys. We’re more open to things because he’s gay.) He DOES prefer anal sex and although he considers himself versatile, he prefers to be on the bottom. The next time we hook up, we agreed to try anal sex with me as the bottom. He has always respected my phobia, and at the same time is talking me through the abuse my husband put me through on that subject; not for his benefit, either. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you guys and the good doctor for shedding some more light on this, because NEVER, not even once, has my GAY friend said that I should “Take it like a man”. It all depends on the person(s) involved, not the sexual orientation. I’m open to more conversation, email me at: s_alsept2_boss@live.com

Thanks so much for this post and all the comments.

I’m a gay man who has been out for 8 years. (I’m 29).

In all this time, I have had sexual encounters with quite a few men but have rarely done anal – probably about 10 times in total. I’ve hated it every single time. I find it painful and I spend the whole time worrying that I’m going to leave my parter in a mess if you get what I mean. I suffer from IBS so I suppose that worry is to be expected. As a result when I do do it, I’m so tense that I can’t relax and it hurts – and so the vicious cycle continues!!

I’ve only had one boyfriend in the last 8 years and that relationship broke down mainly over my intimacy issues. I also had a one night stand recently and when I wouldn’t do anal, he made it quite clear that the sex was rubbish, and went on to tell people that I’m frigid in bed.

I worry that I’m destined to be alone because of this. It’s really starting to get to me.

I have gotten tired with the question of being a top or a bottom.
I never done anal nor do I wish to try it.
I do not like the idea of feces on my dick, and my ass is a one way street,…exit only.
What bothers me is how some gays insist I will change my mine if I allowed them to enter.
Sorry,.. I think it is really disgusting, and NO, I will never change my mind about this.

i am very happy to do oral, kissing, etc,…I am turned off by butt-play.

I really didnt want to ask any of my gay friends this because I didn’t want to offend them, I guess I was just interested an wondered I myself have tried anal and it hurt oh so badly and I wondered well do gay guys all have anal sex they all can’t like that because for me I lasted all of 30 seconds and I was like hell no never again lol! it really hurt ! Judging by this post it seems like maybe more guys are more into oral than anal? Is that fair to say ? Idk maybe I’m weird even wondering and being interested as a girl. I want to be educated guys ! should I ask my friends for guy-guy preferences ?

I have tried the anal thing but it is something that hurts like hell; if you ever watch porn gay men and straight women act is if anal feels good but in reality they are in pain;that is why people get a illusion of anal sex feels good it is a reason why the anus is exit only. Pleasure is only within the first two inches of anus, thereafter it is there no pleasure it is psychological sex mostly.

When women do it with their husbands, many complain that they hate it and some say they like it. Same with gays. I don’t see how people assume all gays like it JUST because we’re gay. But then again, it’s the message being shoved down our throats by media and entertainment.

I’m a 29 year old gay man, single and not been in a relationship cause i hate anal sex, giving or receiving, i don’t like fingers in butt and don’t like rimming, I like the butt left alone. might sound rather weird i know but I more of enjoy being with a man, for the kissing and cuddling , the close comfort and blow jobs etc. Its so hard find find a gay guy the same way to have a relationship.

The reason that you all have problems are that your butts are not made for sex.
Duh…..

Thank you so much for this article. As a queer-identified guy who’s mostly into dating other men, it is really hard on me when other people- especially gay men- make me feel like there’s something wrong with me for not being into a certain type of sexual activity. I have had some of the most fulfilling intimacy of my life with a beautiful man that involved no anal, no pressure/shaming, and it was both tender and HOT.

Wow – this is both heartbreaking and really reassuring. I’m a woman and my entire sex life has unfolded during the great anal revolution for heterosex men. I’ve always hated it – painful, humiliating and takes the action even further away from my hot spots. Worse, I feel like I am going insane because everywhere women are saying ‘oh no – - it feels really good! You must not be doing it right.’ Well, I’m ready to say b.s., b.s., B. effing S.

I know from experience that most men can’t feel the difference between one hole and the other unless they are looking, and many of them can’t tell the difference between intercrural friction and being in either hole. It’s all mental – and I understand the brain is the biggest sex organ, but the creepy thing is contemplating what exactly is mentally exciting about coercing someone into receiving anal when you can tell – or if you even suspect – they don’t like it.

My best friend in college, a super cute gay boy, told me he didn’t do anal – thought it was gross and painful. I remember being so surprised at the time. What surprises me more is that it took me so long to realize he was just like me and that neither of us was crazy.

Thanks Ramon and commenters for a very heartening read.

Hi,

I’m probably most *weird* people here, as I’m gay, 23, and I don’t like both – anal and oral. It’s just disgusting for me to take sb d*ck into my mouth, which in my mind is supposed only to eat or kiss. The same with ass – for my it’s ‘one-way’ street – exit. I’ve never had any sex with any guy (still virgin), but I think if I could, then only frottage is possible with me.

Cheers,
Peter

A very informative article and commentaries. I’m 43 and consider myself g0y not gay, mostly to reinforce the fact that I’m same-sex attracted but never do anal or rimming. I agree with the previous comment that gay sites force you to select a preference: top / bottom / versatile. When I emailed a suggestion to one site (dudesnude) that they include “no anal” as an option, they refused. It is a lonely life. I believe that many gays are (a) conformists, who will endure pain and discomfort to fit into the gay community, or (b) brainwashed into thinking that anal = gayness. Bill Weintraub at his site heroichomosex.org is perhaps the best anti-anal gay spokesman and he does have a frot dating site. But he is understandably bitter that he has received no financial support from anti-anal males, and he refuses to permit advertising on his site. Bill claims there was a “paradigm-shift” around 1975, that prior to then most gay males did not do anal sex. I truly believe that if the anti-anal and anti-rimming message were more widely publicized, the message would take off and gain a strong following. Until then, I will keep trying to find a non-anal non-rimming soulmate.

It is a terrific website! If it ended up a pizza, it would be the very best pizza ever, with several toppings. I will increase this to my favorites.

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I’m gay, and used to think I was weird because I was never into anal sex- the thought of it is a complete turn off. I then started studying the way same sex relationships were viewed in the ancient world, particularly men, since I’m a dude.

I was pretty surprised to learn that the ideal relationship between two men, did not involve anal sex- to do that to another man, especially if he were a warrior, was considered degrading- and more apart of rape culture, or trying to emulate male/female dynamic with one man taking on the role of the female to be penetrated- or treating the man like a slave boy- or temple prostitute- it was just not to be done to the man you were supposed to love and respect.

The Spartans detested this the most, feeling it stripped men of their masculinity, and manhood- especially when done to young boys, who then would grow up being used to being kept and used for sex by a man- and so in their adult years when no longer considered “desirable” by the old pervert- would be replaced by a young boy. The now young man, would not be able to be his own man, having gotten used to being kept by a man- he’d then become either a slave boy, or temple prostitute, and further be used and kept by men.

Also despite how “safe” people say anal sex is- the truth is its not. The anus isn’t built like a vagina, and doing it often can and will lead to some damage that will definitely have embarrassing results- I know this for a fact, and unfortunately had to listen to some very gross stories from guys who had problems in the backdoor area haha.

It id ridiculous I tell you. I often think to myself, why would something that should be about pleasure end up being painful, messy and uncomfortable to one partner? I have never seen an anus look attractive enough for me to want to push my dick inside it. I have met many self proclaimed bottoms that are really handsome, and attractive, but no matter how aroused I am, as soon as they are ready for penetration, I get really flaccid. And before you assume I might be a bottom myself, I really dont like dominant men, or even the idea of being penetrated. So in the gay world, what am I?

Rectal sex is homophobic yet the gay community waves it around as if its something to be proud of. they dominate their partners, force one to take a woman’s part in sex and their way of lovemaking is sticking their penises into a hole that —not only wasn’t EVOLVED for intercourse, but is the same hole that releases feces and bodily toxins that your body doesn’t want in you. What a beautiful way of showing what your lovemaking is worth.

Two penises: sexual organs of the SAME SEX is REAL homosex.

Listen up guys,

I wandered onto this forum because I was curious as to what gays and bis do about sex.

Many posts have stated that butts are not meant for sex….well, why then do you have a penis if not for sticking it somewhere? Teeth kinda get in the way too, don’t they. The bottom line is…none of this is natural or right. Hoping some of you find help from the King of the universe to overcome this orientation.

BUT BE CAREFUL: oral sex can also be a way of STD transmition, what includes HIV. So condoms are always necessary, even if there is no cut in the mouth or penis. For more information, it’s good to research more about oral sex.

I’ve just recently began checking up on this subject because I’ve become less and less interested in anal sex myself. I’ve enjoyed it very few times in my short life (23 years).
Probably 98% of the time I did it just to please the guy I was with and not for my own personal pleasure. I’m learning now that anal sex is not a requirement for being gay. Oral sex is great. Foot fetish stuff is even better, but anal sex is not really my thing. I’ve topped and bottomed and neither really gets me going for long at all.
I’m glad to know there are others like me.

Hi I have tried anal sex on my self with a dildo and for the most part it was ok i did enjoy it. However after reading some of the stuff on here by other members I am happy to hear that there are many guys out there that do not need anal sex to plaese them. I always thought that of my self from the beggining until a friend told me to try it on my self first, and like some of you on here metioned are we just doing it to please our partners and deal with the pain afterwards. Well now I know I will not be doing this sort of act anymore to my self or other’s. I am more of a romantic type of guy with kissing and oral sex and alot of touching. This is what does it for me I am a 49 yr old gay male been out since the mid 80s I am single and hoping to meet with a decent guy who like the same things I like in the bedroom.

Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

Great to see all this comments!

I myself love frot. Nothing like 2 dicks rubbing together and face to face interaction.

Anal just doesn’t turn me on.