Still No Boyfriend?
Monday April 21, 2008
"I feel like I'm missing out on something or like I'm not doing something right," reader SoClose says. "I came out a little while ago and it's worked out great, but I have never had a relationship, close call, questionable experimentation, or anything resembling what might be called intimacy (with anyone). I feel like I don’t measure up to other gay men around me. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is there something that I should know that I don’t already? I'm just tired of waiting to start a love life. I’m willing and able, but no one else seems to show an interest."It's not easy finding love. It eludes many guys–especially when we have so much to offer a potential mate. It takes time, considerable patience, and diligence to find the the right person. Where many singles go wrong during their search for a man is associating their relationship status to their sense of self-worth. Single is not synonymous with unsuitable and coupled doesn't always mean content. But, what do you do when you long for a man, but don't think you measure up? I passed the mic to other readers that tell it like it is. Here's what they had to say:
Your turn to speak. Join the discussion or comment below.
- "First off, don't worry about how you compare to other gay men. Not everyone will have the same experiences in life and/or in dating. Things will come to you when they come to you. I understand you're wanting to be in a relationship, that is perfectly normal. But being in a relationship doesn't define who you are as a person. Take this time for personal growth. Get to know you better, so you can in-turn find out what kind of people best compliment you."
- "Some gay guys are just so cute and have such great bodies and dress so well and have such cool jobs and it goes on and on. And me, I'm just a B+ kind of guy. Nothing special. But you know what? I found someone or someone found me and life is really cool. It all happens in time."
- "Oh I know how u feel. I was 19, and all I wanted was a relationship. Noone seemed interested in me at all, or they just wanted sex. Its a bad place to be stuck. But I kept searching and met a boy from jersey. And a few months later we seem like we cannot be separated."
Image © Ramon Johnson
Comments
I’m 48, single and live in NYC. It has been at least 15 years since I was in anything approximating a relationship. There are no current prospects either. I’m college-educated, professional, in good health, non-smoker, non-drinker, laid-back, easy going, low maintenance, but not into bars, clubs or one-night-stands. I’ve concluded that whatever it is men are looking for, I must not have, because I don’t seem to get anyone’s attention, yet the drama queens, the flashy and flamboyant types, and the club kids always seem to meet people.
Where do you meet interesting gay men when you aren’t into the gay scene and are just an ordinary guy?
As a girl, I have wondered the same thing…until I realized that was the problem. I found that the only person that could truly bring fulfillment was the creator of the sexes–and who better would understand. Maybe you are really searching for something deeper first–then you will find true meaning. Just a thought.