Your Advice Needed: Rentboy With Morals
Thursday October 2, 2008
As you fellas know, Gay Life has a forum that is open 24/7. It's a safe space where you can talk about whatever's on your mind. There's a post this week that I want to bring to your attention. Help this rent boy with his dilemma. He says:
"I'm questioning my morals on this one. Which is hypocrisy at its best. I'm in my last year of high school and the only class worth going to is English... mostly because my English teacher is cute. And a really good teacher actually..I respect him to say the least. But recently he got wind that I'm a rent boy. He propositioned me and offered me 500 to sleep with him. Usually, I don't respect people who hire me (this is where the hypocrisy comes in) and I really like this guy so I'm contemplating turning down the offer. On the other hand, 500 dollars is a lot for someone in my situation. What do you think? Should I turn it down or accept it?"
Have any advice or guidance for this forum member? Join the discussion and help this reader out.
Image © Brent Stirton/Getty Images.
Comments
Dear Rentboy, The question should not be if you should sleep with your teacher for free or not. It should be, why are you for rent in the first place? ..especially at such a young age. It is so sad that more gay men have not set out to be better role models. Being gay does not give you free sexual rein. You need to learn what respecting yourself means. You can do so much better my friend. Hang in there and be honest with yourself. Peace and God Bless your journey.
Dear Rent Boy: Whether or not you actually decide to charge your teacher for sexual services, you might consider having him provide greater instruction in the English language part of the deal. If he’s not sure where to begin, tell him that he hasn’t effectively taught you that dependent clauses (in this cause, “Which is hypocrisy at its best”) do not stand alone as independent sentences. “Which” is a relative pronoun that modifies the noun “morals” from the previous sentence, and therefore should be, “I’m questioning my morals on this one, which is hypocrisy at its best.” Hey, if you’re going to allow yourself to be an indentured servant of sorts, you should at least get an education that will help to lift you out of sexual subjugation. And lets not mention that if your teacher is going to get a “bonus” out of knowing you, the least he should do is what is his job in the first place — to educate you.
Ahh, it makes me so sad to read this but I remember struggling back in the day so I get it. Well first of all if “rent boy” is underage shame on the teacher for even suggesting it! Actually shame on the teacher period, he is the adult and should offer support not $500 for a good time. With role models like that no wonder this kid is all messed up.
Dave, WGB
The issue here is not your morals, it is the morals of your teacher. He is exploiting his position of authority over you, and if he were in England it is specifically against the law for a teacher to engage in a relationship with a student. To compound his problem he has no understanding of the fundamental role he has in shaping the moral and emotional development of his students. I do not judge you for the decisions you have made in relationship to be a “rentboy”, as I have no idea what had led you to feel that you make such choices. But his conduct is utterly contemptible and he has no business being in such a position of authority.
Ok. Should you take the money for services rendered?
In the beginning you mentioned that you thought he was cute and that you liked him and respected him and that is why your English class, right?
Number one, Just because your instructor found out that you rent yourself out and he propositioned you doesnt mean that you have to follow thru.
HE’ an adult! Call the POLICE! (there I got that out).
second, You already have feelings for him so I would say NO because now you are throwing your heart into it, not just your body.
We all need money, honey. It’s just a plain fact of life. How we get it makes all the difference, all right.
Now…here’s what I would do. If the teacher approached me again or to find out what the answer was,I would spare the drama and just say; “No thanks! I don’t need the money that bad. And I like our teacher student relationship just the way it is, let’s not ruin it, ok?”
So the answer is …NO! Advice: I would like you to take full inventory of yourself and be honest with yourself. Because you know there’s another way. I went down that road. It’s a long lonely depressing road. Until you see that, well, you will continue on with your “way” of making money.
Good luck. I know you will find your way. I did.
It sounds like the gist of the comments before mine is directed towards the morality of escorting. Since you haven’t asked about that, I’ll leave that discussion out of my opinion.
Should you? or should you not?
I say not.
Your “desire” for him gets in the way of your main purpose, and can affect you later down the road. Turn him down, but let him know that you’re turning him down because you like him.
“Pretty Woman” is usually fairytale.
I would say don’t charge him because you are feeling romantic about him. As a teacher he may not really be able to afford $500. He may have made the offer thinking that it was the only way to get into bed with you.
Gay men have traditionally been forced to live outside the law. We do not have equal rights in jail, in court, in our own homes, in our own churches. I am sorry you are trading sex for a money but I won’t judge it as wrong without knowing more of your circumstances. Heterosexual prostitution has become the norm in our country.
Your teacher is an athority figure in your life. The fact that he propositioned you at all is interesting. I would not accept the money
or a date with him. This will only encourage him in the future. It does not matter how cute some one is or who they are. This man has
the abilty to hurt your future. If any one finds out you can be expelled
from school and he can lose his job. Money is not everything. You should polite remind him of his authority and position and responsiblity. Let him know you respect him but this is inapropiate
since you are under his care in school. If he persits there are serveral options you may explore. Transfer classes, report him anonymously or tell some one you trust. It does not matter if he knows what you do or not. He contacted you and he is more experienced and should have shown retraint. Do not jeapordize your future in school or chances for college for this guy. Simply tell him NO. This is your right.
Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I’m surprised my question attracted so many readers. I’d just like to add responses to some of the things that were mentioned.
To breaux: I have my reasons for the situation I’m in, and while it’s not something I’d like to divulge on here I’d just like to say no, I dont believe being gay gives me free sexual rein, and I still respect myself regardless of providing a service that some people see as demeaning to myself. We all have sex…I just have sex for a price.
To Abracadaver: I didn’t realize my english is so bad that it could offend anyone. It’s not my first language, I’ve been speaking english for a little under 3 years now. I’m originally from Brasil..I speak portuguese.
Rest assured my english will get better and it won’t be a burden to you ever again.
To WGBlog: I’m of consenting age, and I don’t think I’m “all messed up”…but thanks anyways.
To Jim: Obrigado, this was great input. My situation happened awhile ago and I had decided to turn him down for exactly that reason. I didn’t feel it was appropriate for a student/teacher relationship.
To Dick_: wow, even more great advice. Even though escorting is legal here in Canada, propositioning isn’t. I wouldn’t call the police on him anyway, I don’t see how I would benefit from making him lose his job. I would feel pretty low. But yes, I did put your advice to good use, obrigado.
To Brad: I don’t have a desire for my teacher..I respect him, I respect our mentee/mentor relationship. Actually, you’d be surprised how many disillusioned guys out there hire me in the hopes that I’ll miraculously fall in love with them and be with them forever. We call it “pretty woman syndrome” so I thought it was pretty funny you said that.
To John Carlow: Once again, I don’t have romantic feelings for my teacher, but it was a great point..now that I think about it I doubt he really does have that money to spend.
To rentboySF: I don’t think I could be expelled from school because I live in Canada..but I do think he would lose his job, which I don’t want to happen. He’s the only teacher who realizes it’s innapropriate to wear American Eagle to school and add students to Facebook. Which is why I was surprised that he propositioned me. You’re right, he was using his authority to his advantage and that was wrong of him. Thanks for the input.
Thanks again for the opinions and advice!
I know this may be late and will sound weird. But perhaps he knew you’d say no, and offered that way it gave you a chance to talk about your problems. The reason he might have offered was so that you knew he knows, and that way you won’t feel he is judging you - as you’d think he was willing to pay. People are sometimes weird and complicated. You should see some of the behaviour people I know exhibit. Simple things are made complicated by human nature. By the way, I don’t judge you for your choices. It’s your life, and being gay is hard enough without having people that are gay judge you for being a rent boy. Hope it all ends well for you.