"Where's the party?" I asked a friend during a Midwest visit. He asked if wanted to go to a "black bar" or "white bar" as they are commonly described. I was not surprised by his query. Dynamics within the LGBT community are a reflection of the divides in general society. After all, sexuality is only one of many self-identifiers. From school clicks in cafeterias (remember Mean Girls?) to bars and themed-parties to gay pride festivals, comfort is often found among those that are a reflection of ourselves—both inside and out.Traditional LGBT pride events have splintered into a number of African-American focused prides (for years now I've published both traditional and Black pride calendars) and a growing number of Hispanic and Asian-American prides are emerging.
A Gay Life forum member that goes by the name of "Wizqidx" discusses his experiences in both black and white gay circles:
"Having a separate pride festival allows those individuals a place where they can converge and discuss/party without being subjected to the elements of racism. I've been in predominately white clubs where I've been ignored. Why would I go to a pride festival filled with people that don't acknowledge me? I have participated in pride festival as a volunteer, but I go to Black pride for the camaraderie."
Yet, some argue that LGBT prides are a symbol of diversity and holding separate prides defeats the purpose of the event.
"I think it's kind of silly for there to be segregation in something that's supposed to bring unity and respect," forum member Keith responds.
The issue is further complicated when we consider how identity spans beyond skin color. Naturalization, economic status, education, expression, background, and family contribute significantly to our sense of self and, in turn, to whom and what we relate. Should we all retreat to our corners of identity where we feel the strongest connection or do unified events provide opportunities to expand our understanding of one another? Let me hear your voice!
Image © Stockbyte/Getty.
What about those of us who identify with different ethnicity’s? I am half black and half white… am I supposed to find some gray zone where I fit in? Or do I resign myself to the black side because it how my outward appearance portrays me?
I have gone to both and felt equally accepted/ostracized a both “black” and “white” pride celebrations due to the mixed racial makeup for my friend group. Where ever you feel comfortable is where you will end up (or have the most fun). The issue is there, but it shouldn’t hinder your pride celebration.
You meant “let me HEAR” your comments, right? I believe that this move is identical to what society, read White affluent male, tells us it should be. When other groups feel ostracized by this “unfairly non-diverse” majority group, and these groups decide to find a place where they fit in, then the majority group also blames them. Punishing them with words such as segregation, to keep them from taking away their buusiness elsewhere is not the solution. If we were truly inclusive, we would be truly diverse and unified in our struggle. As with main society, this will and still remains to be seen.
I have been living in DC for 22 years and have added the white/black adjective to my speech in a normal quotidian fashion that matches the local culture. I do not mean gay culture. I mean regular Metro Washington culture. Everyone talks that way here.
Once I went to my original home state of Maine where is far it is more racially homogenous than almost all European countries. I was talking to this guy and I mentioned that so and so was a white guy. It just slipped out. My fellow conversant stared at me for a moment and then said, “what difference does it make what color he is?”
I am white and so was the guy in maine that I was speaking with. Thought I would
share it
I’ve been to both pride celebrations. The difference is the “Gay pride celebration” doesn’t have the word “white” in front of it. How is it that in every major city across the country, even London there’s a black pride and gay pride? The same reason there’s a Miss Black America and so on, no inclusion. This isn’t new….Actions speak louder than words.
I agree with Dreeco, I have been to many gay pride celebrations and there is never any times that I think “what’s that guy (black) doing here?”…i just celebrate my life and EVERYONE in it black,white, yellow whatever….It seems the opposite for the Afr/Amer community. Like trying to One UP something all the time. My partner is gay and black and he feels the same way. So dont even go there with the prejudice although gay crap.
I remember that back in the day in NYC, to keep people of color out of the ” white” gay bar’s, they would ask for 3 pieces of ID with your picture on it, at a time when NYS
drivers licenses did not have picture’s, they would also change the music, to what was called “hi-energy”, rather than “soul”, because as a white DJ pal of mine once said, “if I played ‘ soul’ music I’d attract a black clientle and I would lose my job, because the owners did not want a black customer base”
Madonna owes her entire career to this kind of racist mentality, couldn’t have Donna Summer posters in the kids bedroom’s in surburbia, we’ve come a long way though havent we ? I mean now all you have to do is look white e.g. Beyonce, and all that blonde hair…
For real… Everyone needs to step back for a sec, swallow a glass of water and just chill! To think that prejudice does not still exist in America is foolish, regardless of the box checked by the man who sits in the main chair of the Oval office. Does it have to stop us from being one and keeping us apart, HELL NO!
Here is my two cents… Prejudice exists, deal with it. Now what do we do next as a gay community? I for one think it would be great for US to come together under ONE flag for the GAY brotherhood. Our power base will be a major force to reckon with if we were truly one family. The gay marriage issue, for one, would be a non-issue if WE lived as ONE family.
Now, back to reality… We all as humans have our prejudices, but we do not have to act on them. Unfortunately, our prejudices do not stop at race. We separate over many issues, masculine vs feminine, top vs bottom, bear vs twink, and the list continues. The question is what do we do about it?
I think we first need to learn to be comfortable in our own skin. We do not have to make others feel out of place, because they are different. Not liking oneself is the real reason others feel a need to attempt to make others feel low. If you like you, you will not need to prop up your fragile ego by casting out others.
Now I must get back to my psychology 101 class before taking another stab at fixing the problems of the world. BE PROUD, BE ONE, BE FAMILY, BE LOVED!!!
I think the big thing that ppl are missing is that the fact that there are separate prides isnt really about racism and prejudice. it’s about our natural differences. just like there’s hip hop clubs and latin clubs and rock bars. it’s all about what ppl find entertaining, and what crowd they feel the most comfortable with. i am a black lesbian and have been to both white and black prides, white and black gay clubs or bars. i do tend to choose the “black” pride or club, but not because i feel that in the “white” club they are racist. it’s the music, and the familiar comfort. Black ppl have been divided by their race for so long and have been conditioned to come together and band together. yes at times it makes us highlight our differences, but i dont think anyone can deny that u never want to be the one “white” or “black” person anywhere. u feel as if u stick out like a sore thumb. and we can’t forget that there are times that we do come together regardless of race. In Orlando they have a gay club Pulse and on the Wednesday College Night it’s a beautiful array of glbt ppl of all racial backgrounds.
To be honest, I just cannot be atracted to blacks. The physical side is simply not at all within my range (I can accept pretty much everyone else, sorry). Not only that, my personal experiences with them have seldom been positive, many, many obnoxious, aggressive ones that blame everything on racism, dishonesty, political power grabbing, you-owe-me attitude, etc. Very unattractive. I will test you guys to see if you allow this totally fact based comment to survive without getting too much attack (I expect especially from the blacks).
Urasien, it sounds to me like you wrote your comments to elicit a negative response “especially from the blacks”. However, I will not give into your desire. You are expressing your basic human right to choose who you are attracted to. That is the real basis of your statement. I’m not offended. What would be the point? Now the question you really should be asking yourself is how do you categorize a WHOLE race of people by your minimum experience with a FEW? Hmm… Not being attracted to someone based on THEIR individual attributes is natural. Not being attracted to someone because of their pigmentation and/or cultural influences is what keeps America apart. Again, your choice! Do your thing! Stay blessed and good luck expanding your world and mind! With much love…
Thank you Kiume for your insightful and thoughtful comments.
On the subject of the divisions within the lgbt community, they amplify the divisions we’re still trying to navigate in other parts of our society. It wasn’t too long ago that a White man who exclusively dated Black men was called a “dinge queen”. What kind of message did that send to Black men? To non-Black men as well? While, to my knowledge, that kind of terminology is no longer in use, there are still very clear lines of demarkation around race/ethnicity still in place in our larger community. They blur more as time passes, yes, but they still exist. Question is: What can we do to bridge them?
Just because we are a minority as a whole does not preclude some of our community from being bigoted or prejudiced. I argue that feeling ostracized can sometimes make one feel the need to ostracize, partly for a sense of “protection”, partly to avoid feeling at the bottom of the social totem pole (“I may be ____, but at least I’m not ___…), or as Kiume wrote, affirming who you are by affirming who you’re not.
It is about self-love, even in the face of bigotry and denial. Perhaps if we as a whole community can get to that place, honestly,and learn to celebrate the differences within the lgbt community, then the need for the separations would drop.
Peace to all.
Social work has taught me that we need to acknowledge our differences and then move on to address the issues at hand for each individual.
I cannot help but think, if there is an afterlife, will we be segregated there?