How Many Dates Does It Take?

From the Gay Life forum:

"I had my first man date last night. He's a really nice guy and really cute. We had great conversations, but I'm not feeling an instant connection. The more we hung out, the more relaxed I felt and enjoyed my time with him. I guess what I'm wondering is, how many dates should it take before you can reasonably decide if it's worth continuing a relationship?"

Members respond:

• "If you got on well the first date, then give it a chance. We can be so full of nerves the first date, we don't realise how much we really might like the person sitting in front of us." -Gullivertale


• "I always say there is nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance. If your instincts suggest to you that you might just be missing something in this guy even after the third date then give him another go just to see. But if you feel nothing at all then it makes sense at that point to just move on." -Tony


• "I would suggest mixing it up and doing a variety of things on your first couple dates so you get to know what he's like in a variety of circumstances." -Pulsar41


• "You really ought to feel SOME connection, almost immediately. A 'right' person for you should feel a little more comfortable than that." -KavaKava2

How long does it take to get to the center of a sweet connection?

My response:

Each time that I've found love, I knew it from the moment we met. There was just something there that made us inseparable. Even before I got to know them better, I knew we'd be together for a long while (and we were). Now, the reason why they didn't last is an entirely different post; but as far as recognizing an initial connection, sparks can fly right away.

Now, this isn't to say connections aren't made over time. Not everyone's fairy tale plays out in the same way because getting to know someone takes time. During the first few dates you're feeling each other out for the first time. More than likely, you're both more awkward and nervous than you would be normally. Also, when just meeting someone, tend to have our "walls" up and at full guard. Once you spend more time together, in a variety of situations, you may discover things about the other person that were previously buried in the fray of first date nerves.

Connections happen on levels that are often indicated by our gut or instincts. You'll know what feels right. You might discover that he is or isn't the one right away. Or, it may take time. Time, however, is always on your side. Eventually, things will play out as they should.

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