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Ramon Johnson

From Friend to Lover: When Best Friends Become Boyfriends

By October 28, 2011

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Mona,

I recently started dating my best friend of 17 years. We have only been dating for a month and a half, and things seem to be going great. However, he doesn't show any passion towards me. We kiss hello and goodbye, but that's it. We haven't made out or anything. I have tried to initiate several times without success and it is beginning to worry me. I know this is his first relationship and I am trying to be patient. Do you have any advice?

Sincerely,
EMT

Dear EMT,

Kudos to you for finally getting together with your best friend. You're a lucky guy. Many couples, gay and straight, spend years together before they become best friends. You skipped right to the foundation of your partnership.

You say your new relationship lacks passion. That's a problem, but it's not the root cause. The real issue is that your relationship isn't new at all; it's comfortable. So, while other couples are running up their data plans texting every 30 seconds with back and forth I Love You's, you and your man are going about business as usual. This doesn't mean the passion is gone. It only suggests that you two never had a honeymoon period. Something tells me even getting together was more of a casual talk than high school high glee.

The resolution, however, is easy. You've created the 17-year foundation, now go play a little bit. Your man isn't being silly in love with you because he doesn't know that side of you. He's not getting the hint when you tell him; so why not show him? And, don't worry about him reciprocating, just go for it!

Pull out all of the romance you can muster. Make it so good that the teenagers down the block puke. Up your SMS plan and start texting him at all hours. Call the florist or clean out the grocery store flower aisle. Surprise him with chocolates, midnight movies, and little gifts. Make it good. But most of all, make it memorable. Give him what you want to get in return and watch the reciprocation happen.

Chances are he'll be stunned in the beginning, but will come around once the training wheels are off. If not, you might need to have another talk about what being in a relationship means for the both of you. Best friends or not, a kiss is not a kiss if one of you doesn't means it.

Yours puckering up,
Mona

More Dating Advice:
My Boyfriend Is Jealous of My Best Friend
He's Hanging With His Ex-Girlfriend
Save Yourself First
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