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| How can I tell if a guy is gay or not? |
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Dear Johnny Quest,
An easy out is to cruise in locations where the community is predominately gay
(gay bars, gay community social events, gay chat rooms, etc.). However, in most
social settings, there is no quick & easy way to determine who is gay and who is
not. Some of us have 'gay-dar', but no matter how perceptive you are, there is
no stereotypical prototype for the gay male (despite what homophobes may tell
you).
The real question at hand is how to determine who is attracted to you. The best
approach is to be friendly. Most people smile back if you smile at them, and if
they don't, they're usually not worth your time. You can find a topic of common
interest and build a conversation with it. If you ask him casual social and
non-sexual questions, you may find clues to his sexuality. After you've warmed
up to each other and feel that the conversation is flowing naturally you can
give a suggestive clue and see how he responds. If, for example, you are
discussing movies, you can say, "Vin Deisel (or insert your fav actor) was hot
in that movie. If he responds as if he's uncomfortable, you can discuss another
aspect of the film. If his eyes light up, you have something to work with. I
would suggest avoiding directly sexual questions on your first encounter. Even
if he is gay, too strong of a come on can be a turn off. Unless of course, we
are talking about a very sexual setting. For example, if it's 4:00 AM at the gay
bar after the hot body contest, then by all means you can be more aggressive.
Body language also speaks volumes. One indication of interest is how comfortable
he is getting close to you while talking. For example, if he leans in towards
you as he talks or casually rests his hand on your leg while talking, he's
probably flirting. A lot be can be said for eye contact, as well. If he pulls
the classic glance at the crotch with a lingering smile as the eyes move up the
body, then he's definitely giving you signals. Most importantly, keep yourself
open to meeting new people and getting involved in gay-friendly activities.
-Zaida
