Gay Men & Online Dating

Finding Love or Friendship on the Net

Do you Match, Yahoo, or Hot? Many people shun when you mention online dating. They are instantly riddled with embarrassment; afraid that their friends or others will consider them desperate or lonely. They also believe online dating has been reserved only for those who can't find a date or for social outcasts. Plus, when you mention the Internet and gay men in the same sentence, stigmas of sex-ridden chat rooms and pornographic web cam sessions come to mind. However, the recent explosion of online dating has challenged these stereotypes. Could this be the dawn of a new era of legitimate dating between gay men? Could we be upon an age when we meet for coffee, dinner, or a theatre show instead of a short encounter at a strangers home or in a public place?

Meeting a guy online can be pretty simple. Most of the online dating services offer free registration, photo and profile posting. You can also search the profiles of others, often by geographical location and sexual orientation. However, to respond to that dreamy guy that sparks an interest, you have to register or sometimes pay a nominal fee. Fees vary depending on the dating service and the length of the subscription.

An Interview with a Gay Man who Dates Online:

An increasing number of guys are turning to online dating to find a partner or even friends. Joey, a 25 year old American, has recently broken up with his boyfriend of three years. Even though it has been some time since his breakup, Joey saw one-night stands as his only option for affection. Upon acceptance that he is truly single, Joey is ready to find a serious relationship with "Mr. Right." He's turned to online dating.

Do you find it difficult to meet guys?

Well, I live in the city and people are always on the move. I used to chat online and meet tricks, but I'm tired of it.

So, you're looking for a more permanent situation, then?

I want to start as friends and then eventually more.

But, why online?

Where else? Definitely not at the bars. I've heard stories of guys meeting at the grocery store, but that's never happened to me.

Were you embarrassed when you first started?

Yes, but I got over it. My best friend forced me to post my picture and practically wrote my profile for me. The first response I got from a guy asking me out on a date pretty much changed my opinion.

And what opinion was that?

I don't know. That I was desperate or something.

You know, some people are concerned about their safety when dating online.

Well, you have to be safe in every situation. You can meet a total psycho at the bar or on the street the same as you can online. You just have to be careful. At least you can screen a guy online.

Screen?

Well, if you don't like a guy or they're not what you're looking for, you just stop responding and never meet in person.

So, what was the worst online dating experience you've ever had? Why'd you have to screen him?

Well, I met this guy and we emailed back and forth for a couple of weeks and then we decided to meet. He seemed totally normal on email, but as soon as we met he started to scare me. He kept looking over his shoulder and would never make eye contact. He even went to the bathroom at least 5 times in a half hour. Needless to say, we never went out again.

Wow, with experiences like that do you think you'll meet "the one" online?

I'm not sure, but I have to leave my options open. Maybe this will work or maybe I'll just have to hang out in the grocery store. *laugh*