| Ask Zaida -"The Love Goddess" |
| The Man of My Dreams Has Pets! |
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Zaida,
I think I've finally met the man I would like to spend the rest of my life with,
except for one thing: his pets!
My boyfriend has two medium-sized dogs and two cats, all of which have the run
of his entire home. The cats sleep all day on the bed, then spend the night
"exploring" the home. (One of the cats even has an awful habit of "playing" in
the very early morning hours by jumping from the floor onto the bed repeatedly!)
I'm an asthmatic and, not surprisingly, am allergic to both the dogs and the
cats. Normally, I wouldn't even visit someone with this many pets because it's
an awful experience for me. But since he's truly a great guy, I take
anti-allergy medication so that I can visit. And for his part, he's tried to
keep the dogs outside. However, he's so soft-hearted that both the german
shephard and the bull terrier squirm their way into the house in short time and
with very little effort, and the cats simply never leave his bedroom except to
eat, urinate, or defecate, all of which are done in the home. The dogs also eat
indoors--in the kitchen!!--where they're served with the same utensil he uses
for himself and for guest. Yuk.
I know I can't live with pets inside the house, and I've told him so. I can't
for my own personal health reasons, but I also believe that having pets in the
home is simply unhealthy, in general.
We're coming up on our first year anniversary and he hasn't changed
significantly. I've already decided that I WILL NOT live with pets in the home
because I refuse to suffer, and/or be medicated just to live, in my own home.
He's made all sorts of promises about keeping the dogs outside 24-7, but that's
not really progressing. One of the cats is older and may (as awful as it may
sound) not be an issue for long, but the other is a young psychotic (seriously,
even my boyfriend says so) feline that I'm afraid will cause major and
repetitive problems if I stay in the relationship.
I don't want to invest more time into a relationship that's destined to be a
train wreck. Should I stay, or should I go?
Sneezy/Drippy/Coughy/Confused
Dear Sneezy/Drippy/Coughy/Confused,
You're in a difficult position because you do feel for him otherwise. However,
the issue is not only his pets, but his sense of what is clean and what is not.
Doggie forks are not kosher, in my opinion, so I can understand that his habits
with his pets can make you uncomfortable. Your boyfriend may have other habits
that you may not have mentioned or thought of that can effect your compatibility.
The allergies are a serious health consideration. If you need to be medicated to
be in his home, it would not be healthy for you to move in. Allergy medications
have come a long way, but you would be battling with several different allergies
and some issues of cleanliness. If you are willing to stick it out, you should
continue to see him, but I definitely advise against sharing a home with him.
Many pet owners see their pets as family members and therefore could not easily
give fluffy the boot. In this case, you are battling with four fluffy loved ones
for your lovers affection. No matter how much he cares for you, I doubt he would
sacrifice his pets or his old habits with them. At this point, you should
seriously consider if you would like to continue the relationship without
sharing your living space. Best of luck and remember that your health comes
first.
-Zaida
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