Dear Gay Man:
I am in a new relationship and have recently developed a small external hemorrhoid. I've tried everything I can to heal it and have visited the doctor but it still causes pain, especially while having sex. So my boyfriend and I haven't had anal sex in a week and he is getting fairly antsy about it, and I don't know what to tell him about this. I was also wondering if you had any advice regarding future intercourse, while having a history of hemorrhoids, and whether or not this is going to continue to interfere with my current relationship, or any in the future.
Dear Bruised Bottom:
Anal doesn't cause hemorrhoids, but it can agitate existing angry veins. But, you've already figured that out, so lets get down to how to ease the pain of hemorrhoids during anal sex:
Relax. Hemorrhoids are inflamed veins that never contract back to their normal size. Then, when something rubs up against them, like a finger or penis, the already sensitive veins become more inflamed or tear, causing pain. Stress is one of the major culprits of over-inflated rectal veins and since our back door is meant to biologically push things out and not take them in, our bodies are under a lot of stress when bottoming. The key is trick your bum into thinking your partner is a fiend and not foe. Relaxation is the best method. So, how do you relax?
Longer foreplay can help loosen up tense muscles, even tension you don't know is present. Prolong your arousal to relax the muscles, including your rectum. Any top worth the label will know how to help you relax before anal. A massage or long warm bath are great relaxation techniques as well. Soaking your bum will also help your hems shrink to a more comfortable size.
Repeat after me:
Lubrication is my friend. Unlike the vagina, the anal canal doesn't produce its own lubrication. Never let your man spit and stick; always use an ample amount of lubricantion. Here's a another quick tip: Many guys think lubricating the penis is enough. It can be, but anal is much smoother if you lubricate the rectum as well. When you think you've used enough, apply more. Then take your finger and massage the lubricant inside, especially around your hemorrhoids.
Try different angles. The rectum has a few different veins, and any one (or many) of them can become inflamed. Depending on where your's are, you may find better comfort in different positions. You know your body best, so start on top and position yourself where it is most comfortable. Also, take your partner's penis into account. Does it curve to the side, up, or down?
Lastly, Stop if there's pain. If you're experiencing pain, let your partner know. Time to stop. Your hems need time to heal. So, don't push it. There are other ways to be intimate without anal sex.