We all have the capacity to change. We take the lessons learned from past debacles and hopefully turn a mess into a powerful affirmative future. Yet, even if you and your ex have grown and changed, doesn't mean your compatibility has. If he were any sort of honorable ex, he would have communicated why he broke up with you in the first place (or vice-versa). Just in case your relationship ended in a fog, consider these 3 tips before taking him back.
The Same Old Patterns
Old habits die hard, especially when they annoy you. Odds are he hasn't changed them unless he's seen the negative affect they have on his life and others. So, before <a href="http://gaylife.about.com/od/lovesex/qt/backwithex.htm">getting back together with your ex, make sure you talk through all of those pesky habits that drove you to the brink of singlehood in the first place. If they are not resolved, neither will your previous tensions.
The Same Influences
None of us are castaways on a lone gay isle. We co-exist with family, friends, co-workers and other folks. Some of the people around us influence us more than others. Did your ex have people in his life that encouraged destructive behavior or influenced his decision? Are those that sway your stud still in his life? If so, you can bet they continue to have a handle on his behavior and maybe even his relationship decision making. Be open about the people in his life that you felt were acidic to your relationship. Come to a common resolution. Avoid the never productive choose-me-or-them scenario. Instead, meet him in the middle and help him understand your point of view.
The Same Future
If a person wants a change, then they have to make a change—either by the way they think, act or dream. Our goals adjust as we mature and part of going through the trials of break ups and make ups is turning those lessons into (hopefully) more amiable partnerships. Now that you are communicating with your ex again, play close attention to his wants and future relationship goals. If they are the same as the ones that you didn't vibe with the first time around, then take the early warning and run. If not, talk about what his future plans are and see if they are compatible with yours.
It's not unlikely, for some cupid reason, for old sparks to reignite when we open up communication with our ex's. In some cases an ex just becomes a friend, in others you may may entertain the idea of getting back together. It can be like a honeymoon all over again. His laugh, smile, demeanor may remind you of the good times. A successful second round can happen, but first you must work through the cause of the bad times.