His Bisexual Boyfriend Now Wants Women

Please help me, Mona.

My lover and I have been together for 14 years and are in a terrible situation. The problem is that he is attracted to women. He has become infatuated with a girl he works with and they have become very chummy. I knew when we started our relationship that he liked women as well as men but it has not been a problem and he has been faithful. Now he tells me he has desires and needs to be with a woman. I can't compete here. I love him with all my heart and he says he loves me and doesn't want to end our relationship but needs the company of a woman. What do I do? I understand how he feels but can't bring myself to share him with anyone. Like a fool his name is on everything, house car and more. He gets it all when I go. I am just lost and in love. Please help!

Dear Heartbreak Hotel,

I know you're expecting Mona to give you one of her African "a snake is always a snake" proverbs or one of her mama's annoyingly true "he's a loser" speeches, but your heartbreak calls for a special brew.

You're thinking: Why did I fall for a bi guy? How could I be so stupid to spend 14 years of my life with him? Why wasn't my name on any of the bills? How can I ever trust again?

The list goes on, 'mo. We've all been there and 14 years is a long time in someone that now wants to play.

Sure, you knew he was bisexual before you started your long journey, but you didn't know he was going to fall for someone else (man or woman). In your situation, there is no "I told you so" or anti-bisexual rant necessary since your soon-to-be-ex could have easily fallen for another boy instead of his new fav gal.

The only mistake you made wasn't a mistake at all: You fell in love. And love can transform us into delicate dew drops or callused hides depending on its unpredictable stride.

I turn to the goddess of love, Mary J. Blige, who exposes love for what it really is in her new track "What Love Is". The chorus reads:

If you ask what love is like...
It feels like joy, and it feels like pain
and it feels like sunshine, feels like rain
An excuse for dying, reason to live
and if you don't know, that's what love is...

So, what do you do now? You have to deal with the dark side of love and start taking care of yourself. You don't want to share and he, well, wants it all. He's already made it clear that he's going to take care of himself. How dare he expect you to stay at home while he "explores" his buried desires?

You know what to do.

A little love healing will make the transition into a life without him much more tolerable Here is Mona's spill proof method:

Find yourself a private little spot at home where you will not be interrupted. Gently remove all fragile items from the room. Pick a nice spot on the floor (or bed). Surround yourself with every pillow you can find and a couple of beach towels. Put on your headphones or turn the iDock up to full volume. Play the previously mentioned Mary J. Blige track. Actually, after the end of a 14 year partnership, you may want to download the entire Mary J. Blige Growing Pains CD. Turn out all of the lights and cry your heart out, baby! Cry and scream and yell and sob and snot until you can't muster another sound! Beat those pillows until you no longer want to beat on yourself!

You can't get those years back, but you can decide how your future will play. You're empty now, but you'll slowly fill again. The house, bills and possessions are better left in his name—who needs the memories? It's going to hurt for a while, but all will heal in queue with love's tricky ways. You deserve the same devotion you've given all these years. Stay in the game, sweets. When it's time, there will be plenty of men waiting to be satisfied by you and only you.

Yours,
Mona