Dear Mona,
I have never felt so lost, confused and hurt in my life! Should I forgive my boyfriend for sleeping around?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months. We have had a strictly monogamous relationship from the very beginning because it is what we both wanted. Recently we started having major issues and in the past 2 months we broke up and got back together 3 times.
We then start missing each other terribly and he comes running back to me wanting me to take him back and work things out. The problem is, he always comes back with news that he slept with a guy while we were broken up.
I can see and feel how much he loves me and how much he wants me in his life. I think we can work it out, but now I am so confused, hurt and angry.
-Scared and in Pain
Dear Scared,
I understand that you two love each other, but what's love got to do with it, as my girl Tina says–especially when it's causing you more pain to make up to break up to make up again? Every time you and your boo break up and get back together, you skip the most important step: the resolution! Don't worry, though, most couples that serially break up do the same thing. You're so worried about him sleeping with other guys that you completely forgot about why you broke up in the first place and why you both continue to get back together without addressing the issues.
There's a reason you guys break up over and over again. If you want to stay together, you both have to actively determine what's causing your relationship riffs and resolve it before getting back together. If you don't completely fix the problems, they will continue to surface, resulting in... you guessed it: another break up.
I know it's difficult knowing he fooled around during your hiatuses, but my gay-sense tells me that his eagerness to trick has something to do with his issues in your relationship. Get to the bottom of why you both keep calling it quits and you can save this relationship. If there is no resolution, you might want to ask yourselves if it's really love that you both feel or the seductive draw of a codependency?
Read these articles as you ponder that question:
- Before You Get Back Together With Your Ex Boyfriend
- The Break Up Survival Kit
- How To End a Relationship And Keep Your Dignity
Mona
