My Husband Left Me

Hi there, Mona.

My husband, whom is from Brazil, is leaving me tomorrow to go stay with a friend. He says he needs to clear his head; see if he misses me; and decide if he still loves me. We have not had any arguments, though I have been concerned over the past month that he is becoming distant from me.

We got married in September last year. We have had the most fantastic relationship until we come back from our holiday in Brazil. Since then he has wanted to be with his gay friends (one in particular) and I have been concerned that he may be having an affair. To make matters worse, he's now going to stay with this same person that I have my suspicions about.

When I confronted him about the affair he completely dismissed it and said that he didn't feel any love for me and that was why he was leaving. As well as the fact that he misses his home country and family. We haven't slept together in the same room now for a week and its playing havoc with my emotions.

I really don't know what to do. He is everything to me. I so want us to repair this rift and get back to how things used to be. What should I do? Is it a good idea to let him move out like he suggests and hope that he comes back soon?

I love him of so much.

Mike

Dear Paradise Lost,

How can I put this gently? You're being played! There I said it! If you know anything about Mona, you know that she prefers a softer approach, but in your case you need a hard slap in the face. It's not your fault, though. Love has the power to blind us, sometimes beyond repair.

I wonder how long you knew your hubby before you two got married because he seems to stray easily. I can tell you from a distance that his new "friend" is not a friend at all. In a short while he'll come back home with the standard cheater line, "We started off as friends, but there was this unbelievable connection that we just couldn't deny." Then as if flipping the page in the player book, he'll go on to talk about what his friend gives him that you don't. But no matter what he says, he's not coming back. And if in the rare instance he does, it's not because he loves you.

I say these tear-jerking things for your own good, my gay friend. You can't be the only one trying to save your marriage and if he's told you flat out that he doesn't love you, then you need to set your heart aside and think practically. If not, you run the danger of turning into one of many failed "I'm gonna win my man back" hopefuls. We don't decide to love someone—we either do or don't. So, his excuses are nothing but a delay to a breakup. Once he walked out that door with those cowardly lame excuses, his love was gone. The time to evaluate compatability is before marriage, not after.

I know you still love him deelply (and probably will for a while), but if he's willing to leave you after only a year then he's not worth an ounce of Brazilian cachaça. Let him go shack up with his friend. Pretty soon he'll run into that evil Latina we call Karma—the one who's always waiting behind dark corners to right our wrongs. You never know when she'll strike, but she always does. I love a little spice in my life, but I learned a long time ago that Karma is one Latina not to be messed with. Sadly, your ex-husband has a newly scheduled appointment with her coming soon.

It's also unfortunate that Karma can't heal your broken heart, sweetie. Only time can do that. Love has the power to blind us. It sounds like you have a good heart. Just don't let this one tragedy turn it into a permanent ice box. Open your eyes, change the locks, tell your Brazilian beau that your love doesn't need evaluation then move on. Easier said than done, but once you find the strength and see yourself as worth more than someone's fickleness, the pieces will fall into place.

Yours avoiding Karma,
Mona