Why He Won't Express His Feelings

Hey Mona:
I had my first time with this bi guy who keeps it a secret because of the town we live in. He was out before when he lived somewhere else. We have sex secretly, but I told him that I want more even if we has to keep it a secret. He says he doesn't want to hurt me and if I get to attached then it needs to end. How do I get him to talk about his feelings?

Dear Side Dish:
Being a magician is the easiest job in the world. The caped crusader knows that their audience knows they're being tricked. But deep down, they want to believe that the illusion is real. So they stay. And as long as the magician maintains the illusion with clouds of smoke, spring-loaded hats, rigged dice, sedated bunnies, and other things that don't make sense, the audience will stay. However, if the magician reveals the mechanisms used to execute his tricks, a flood of emotion overcomes us at the reality that nothing we've just witnessed was real.

Behind your bi guy's curtain is a secret that you've become comfortable with, even though I suspect you know he's hiding more than his sexuality. After all of the drama it takes to come out, rarely do guys go back into the closet, even if they move to Fundamentalistville, USA.

He has no incentive to disclose his feelings. By accepting his illusive behavior, you've given him an audience for trickery. Guys aren't as complicated as they're built up to be. When a man wants something, he expresses himself clearly. He's only ambiguous or shady when he's either trying to back out of something, is buying time, or is playing games.

As long as you agree to be his romp on the side he'll treat you like a romp on the side complete with a stage full of smoke and mirrors. It's in your best interest to tear your ticket and walk away before your feelings get deeper.

You're not the first guy to want more than the dude they're crushing on can give. So, instead of worrying about his feelings, focus on your own. Something tells me you're worth more than some guy's card trick.

Yours with a full deck,
Mona