Before You Choose a Halloween Costume

Everyone gets a kick out of seeing household products in giant size. A giant Clorox bottle with your head popping out of it or a baking soda box hugging your abdomen are bound to put a smile on party-goer faces (not to mention make you the most adorable person at the party). Bald? Go as the predictable Mr. Clean. Sassy? Be the lady in the Pine Sol commercials. Bear? Think Brawny. My best household product costume: A Q-Tip with a basket full of cotton swabs to convince the skeptics.

The first person I noticed at a party some time ago was a man wearing plain clothes with about four dozen watches glued to his shirt and belt. He let us all stare before his calmly explained that he was a "waste of time." Classic! Marinade with your satirical side. Paste the classic board game pieces to your forehead and be "clueless" or wrap an extension cord around your mid section to be "wasted energy." Think outside the box or be the box and you're guaranteed to turn heads.

On Halloween, grown people in kid outfits are always winners- even if the costumes are too small. Raid your little nephews closet for ideas, then hunt for authentic Toys-R-Us gear. Hard plastic masks and toy swords get you extra points. Go skin tight for appeal and accent your superhero or cartoon king with some self-made props.

Think classic gay icons: Diana, Judy, Bette... or go as new classics Beyonce, Christina or even Justin. Not sure who you can pull off. Ask a close friend about your celebrity stature and go with the winner. Next, take a picture of your favorite gay favorite to a makeup artist friend (or to a salon). Let the artist transform you, then shop for the perfect style wig. A few daunting trips to the second hand store for the ideal outfit and all access is granted.

During my poverty-stricken college days the food money my parents gave me was much better spent on new kicks than actual food. With only coins left, I had to stave off my hunger in the most economical way possible. My solution: McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. I ate so many one day, I had a nightmare that the little guys were chasing me. Frightening experience, but the perfect Halloween costume idea. Dig in your past for memorable stories and use them to create today's costume.

Why should celebrities and criminals get all the attention? This year, hold your own press conference as the current hot news story. Be Rosie O'Donnell accidently blowing her nose on the View set or Star Jones getting kicked off of it. Be Katie Couric losing her ratings or Anderson Cooper losing his black hair. Or go abstract and be the new planet that they found or that weird guy who can recite pi to impossible decimal places. Make it big and you have a timeless Halloween story.