From Ramon Johnson,
Your Guide to Gay Life.
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What's the one thing people think they know about John Waters but don't?

JW: I think they think they know everything about me because I'm seen in the press, but I have a private life that I don't share.

Does any of your private life ever filter into your movies?

JW: Sure, but you don't know what is or what isn't. Everything I write is based on a tiny bit of my life. I question people that tell everything about their lives. People know a lot about my life, but they now understand what I'm trying to do. Basically, the lesson for me is I live a very private life. I don't dislike the press, I save the articles, I do read reviews. I read the good ones twice and the bad ones once, then be done with them. You're constantly asked questions about yourself so its healthy to have a private life. My favorite quote is from Tennessee Williams, "My type doesn't know me."

But you seem to poke fun at your private life and the private lives of other people?

JW: I poke fun at celebrities. I'm teasing you with my private life [in John Waters Presents...], but I guess if I were trying to seduce a date, the movies in the series would be the movies I would show in that order. Showing movies is a good date. If on the first date they hated "Freeway" I'd be turned off. They should be turned off. But I definitely wouldn't show "Irreversible" on the first date, unless he was a film buff.

You have a knack for making people love what society tells us to hate. Is that your intention?

JW: I'm trying to make people see things in a different manner and realize they can't judge a book by it's cover. Some people are born pretty rotten but obviously something horrible happened to them. There is no fair answer. I like to be entertained by being surprised. What interests me are the people that think they're normal, but are really nuts. I find that my main topic of interest. There is an irony I'm trying to bring to film. It has to be a movie with crazy straight people. That's who I like in real life.

Do we take gay rights too seriously?

JW: I don't think we take it seriously enough. I just don't like it when gay people want to be like everybody else. I kind of miss it when people were scared of gay people. I don't want to fit in. This is one gay man that's never gone to the gym. If I could go to the gym to be get the body of a junkie, then I'd go. I didn't fit in as a hippie either.

What's so special about the movies you chose for the John Waters Presents... series?

JW: I love each one of these movies without irony. I worked the whole show as a standup act and a monologue about film and gay subjects.

If you had to rewrite Brokeback Mountain, what plot twists would you add?

JW: I think [Brokeback Mountain] is a great movie. I think it's a gay positive movie that recruits gay people just like the right wing claims. Maybe I'd remake it and have them fly like they do in "Crouching Tiger." Every time they have sex they'd levitate.

What would you say the gay man's role is in civilization?

JW: Gay men have the same role as every man. It's no different if you're gay. I always think that man's goal is to make everyone laugh and not have kids that they don't want.

here! Network's original program, "John Waters Presents Movies That Will Corrupt You" begins February 3rd.