Age Differences in Relationships

Hey Mona,

I'm an 18-years-old freshman in college. I'm completely open about being gay. Everybody knows. No problems. Life is good.

So, there's this guy. I've seen him at least twice a week over the last 5 or 6 months when he stops by my job at the grocery store to say hi with a little conversations here and there. So, I met him at pride the other day and he gave me a big hug and we talked a little bit. It was great. Ever since, I've had this huge thing for him. He's on my mind like, all the time.

But, there's one problem: I'm 18 and he's like, 30ish/35. I'm not sure if I should talk to him or not because I'm scared to let myself like him too much. The age difference is bothering me, but I really don't have a problem with it. It seems like he doesn't either. So what should I do?

SJ

Dear Checkout Charlie,

He likes you. Check. You like him. Check. You're both legal. Check. Then, I say go with the flow and see what happens. Mixed-aged relationships can survive. Just be aware that the bane of mixed-aged relationships is not the age difference, but large chasms in life experience.

Between the ages of 18 and... well, older than 18 (I refuse to date myself), I went through more than a day's worth of spills in the laundry aisle. Some experiences were good, others were bad and a whole lot were in between. Now, in my not-to-be-named age, I look back at how different I was as a person when I was 18. I made different choices. I thought about myself and the world through a different lens. I move now based on experience; whereas then, impulse was my driving force.

If your shopper crush is sentient, then he's also done a few more laps around the perishables than you have. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Not all produce is bad produce. As you age, you will also have a world of experiences crammed into a few years that may change the way you think, feel and interact. (For some reason the trial-by-fire scenarios of our lives are accelerated between our teens and 30s.)

Should a gap in life experience deter you from turning a frozen romance into the hot food bar? Definitely not. Just be aware that there will be times when you both see life through different lenses. After all, he's probably settled and you have a ton of life to live before you catch up. This can work if you consciously stay open to each others' perspectives.

Don't stress. Life has a tendency to work itself out. Your 30-something may be exactly what you need and you may be exactly what he's been missing. Keep your eyes open and give it a try. Take each day of this connection as a circular of excitement. Just be aware that as you grow your relationship might change.

Yours thinking back to 18,
Mona