Finding Someone Special To Date

Dear Mona,

I'm having a difficult time meeting someone special; or just at all. I would like tips and/or advice on how to meet someone special. I've made great strides in my life: I'm educated, not bad looking, no STD's, etc. I'm starting to get a little older and I'm becoming afraid of being alone. I live in Denver and not sure were to begin to find places to socialize with others gays.

Sincerely,
Simon

Dear Seeking Simon,

Gays are everywhere! Of course, at this point you're looking out of your window thinking, "Where?" Trust me when I say everywhere, especially in the most unexpected of places. Of course, I live in Manhattan where the gays are more plentiful, but whenever I travel to other locales throughout the country I still see us—everywhere!

I've said it before: Defense is for duds. Offense wins the dating game. Your area isn't as gaypopulous as mine, so you need to be more cognizant of where the gays are around you. Take the eyes wide open approach and go after your desires instead of waiting for them to happen organically.

As a friend of mine so candidly expressed, "Everybody's a bottom nowadays." In terms of gay dating, I agree: Everyone waits to be approached. And since everyone is waiting, there is no one doing the approaching. Make the move, my friend, and hit every spot in town that you can think of: the grocery store, the mall, the night club, the day club (ie. Bed, Bath & Beyond or Crate & Barrel). But the key to success is to go to these everyday places with your eyes open, not wide shut.

If you're checking out a gay man that's checking out the rutabaga, approach him and give him a hand. Take an afternoon to seemingly wander through Bed, Bath & Beyond. The last time I looked, it was like a gay pride parade in there. While they shop for toasters, you shop for men. The key, again, is to make the approach.

For a more focused strategy, search your local area for special interest social clubs. For instance, here they have a club for Mac owners that periodically meet at the Apple store. They have Canon camera clubs, were digital amateurs meet up to learn how to take pictures. LBGT Centers sponsor outing, talks and groups on varying topics. The interest groups are endless, which is perfect for the gay of today who has varying "non-gay" interests.

As far as your age is concerned: For some gay reason us same-sexers think that after 19, we've aged out of the game. This is not the case, at all. Sure, you're getting older, but you sound like you have a lot going from you. The pressure to be perfect is decreasing as gay men transition their likes from the boy-toy-30lb.-twink model to the everyday looking pay-his-own-bills type.

You have the confidence. If you didn't you wouldn't have given me your physical resume. What's lacking is not the availability of special someone's, it's your effort in finding them. Get out there, open your eyes and go everywhere until you've exhausted your options at every social club, every bar, every grocery store, every mall, every surrounding city. Because I can tell you: The new, more stable relationship-oriented gay man is on the move, doing normal everyday activities far away from the wall other gays are leaning on.

Yours shopping in housewares,
Mona