In The Navy

Q: Mona,

I am 20 and he is 18. We've been each others' high school heart throb since the day we meet 2 years ago.

I have been living with him, his parents, and younger sister for over a year and we were a lovey cuddly pair joined at the hip until work starting taking me away.

I'm an officer in the merchant navy. He understands that I enjoy doing this job and excepts me being away for months at a time. The last 3 months have been grueling. He spends every night on his computer not talking to me. We're growing further apart. Maybe it's just me preparing myself for a life away from home and in the closet. Am I unknowingly withdrawing myself from our relationship?

For as much as he says I am his soulmate and as much as we say I love you, there is still a constant devil eating away at me. What is a navy boy to do?

Yours faithfully, Josh

A: Navy Boi,

Each time you've been away he's pretended to be ok because he knows you're in love with your big ship. But the heart is the sensitive muscle that wears each time it experiences loss.

He's been forced to mourn on more than one occasion, not to mention face the possibility that you—heaven forbid—may not come home. The same is true for you.

Sailor, your career calls, but keep in mind your relationship erodes each time the phone rings with a new assignment. Work duties have been responsible for many relationship tidal waves. And his silent chills are the warning shots of an impending ultimatum.

You love him and the navy, so why can't your two fellas make it work? It can if you're willing to dive deeper. Sure, you've given, given, given without much reciprocation; but his lack of response is man-code for: "I'm mad at you, try harder."

Temptation might say quit and run from either him or the navy, but you'll drown in resentment.

Instead, try making a deal with your loves. While you're away, go old-school and send him cards and letters on regular intervals. Give him something to anticipate besides an unknown discharge date.

Describe eveything you experience and all that you see—every feeling, conversation and thought out at sea. Spray your cologne on your letters and send him personal items, gifts and secret emails. In other words, if you can't be there with him, bring him to you. Let him know that you haven't chosen service over him and show him that you're willing to give your life for your country and your soulmate.

Sails away, my gay,
Mona