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Gay Love Advice: My Boyfriend Says Wait For Him While He Dates Someone Else

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Hey,

I really hope you can give me some advice.  I have been dating a guy for about a year and have fallen in love with him.  Here is the situation:  After about 10 months, he told me he needed some time to get his life together (get started on his GED, get his driver's license, etc.). He is 19 and I am 21.  Two months later we started talking and got back together and things have been great for the last month.

He told me this weekend that while we were on our break he started talking to this guy and they fell in love after a month.  They constantly argued and decided to break up.  Now he told me that he still loves his ex and has feelings for me too but doesn't know what to do.

I have been fighting for him and he said he wants me to wait for him while he gets back with his ex (who he has not talked to) and then if it doesn't work out we can be together.  He still has never broken up with me because he knows that I would never do that.  What should I do?  Let him go or keep fighting for him.  I do love him.

Thanks,
Lost and Confused


Hey,

I'm not one to point out the obvious... Ah, who am I kidding? Here goes: You may not know this (or more likely, may not be willing to accept this), but your guy has already broken up with you and is now playing you for a fool. But both you and I know (eh, hope) that you are smarter than that.

Let me share with you a little habit of mine. It has to do with how I surf the internet. As oddly as it may sound, I really don't enjoy surfing around the internet. I like being on the internet, but not wandering around aimlessly in netland. I have my favorite sites that I frequent, but like many I prefer a more focused search.

My favorite sites are ones that I find particularly interesting. To access these, I place a quick link on my browser toolbar. There they sit front and center for me to enjoy. However, hidden deep within bookmark folders are other sites that I just happen to find along my web journey. At some point, these less significant sites catch my attention, but don't exactly keep my interest. They aren't important enough to be front and center, but I'm too afraid to completely let them go. And there in the background these other sites live, unacknowledged and waiting for my attention.

I never give these other sites their due time, but I'm too scared that if I let them go they won't be there on that "one day" I might need them. They are nothing more than my comfort links, available only when I want them. They are pages I know will be there just in case I enter into some kind of web emergency (which is often a trance of boredom).

You, my gay, are those anonymous and hidden bookmarks and this guy you're writing about is the eager web user that keeps you filed away only for times of need. The only difference is an actual bookmark, regardless of how it is treated, keeps itself open to many suitors. You, on the other hand, are still waiting in that hidden folder for him to return just in case things fall apart on the other end.

A person that truly cares for you doesn't keep you on standby just in case his newest fling doesn't work out. You shouldn't be fighting for his attention, he should be fighting for yours. He's already made it clear that he's interested in you, but not actually into you. If he were then he wouldn't have to "try" out this other guy.

Your "man" doesn't need to verbally break up with you because his actions already have. Besides why should he? He knows you, Mr. Bookmark, will be there waiting in the background until he's ready to use you again.

"Wait for me" is appropriate when your man is being deployed to Iraq or is helping needy kids in Iowa. "Wait for me" is not appropriate for a guy that wants to see if his fling with another dude will work out. So, forget about fighting for him, fight for your own dignity and self-worth. I can tell you, if you continue to let him click on you at will, he'll only be engaged as long as something else doesn't capture his interest.

Stand up and remove yourself from his cache. If not, you'll just continue spending an eternity in the background unsatisfied, unengaged and undesired. And the power of love can do little for you in that kind of void.

Yours browsing,
Mona

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