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I Want A Relationship So Bad

(I Also Like Skinny Men)

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Dear Mona,

I am a 19 (going on 20) year old guy who has never been in a relationship, never been kissed, and never had sex that's more than a one night stand. I want so bad to be in a relationship, just to feel that feeling that you know you have some one that loves and cares for you no matter what. The feeling that if all you want to do tonight is hold that other person in your arms, they would embrace you.

I have come close to a relationship once but I was told that I was moving too fast! My response was, "I have never been with another person like this, so how am I going to know if I am going to fast if you never told me?!"


Mona: You're probably too young to remember the Warner Bros. cartoon Tiny Toon Adventures. My favorite character, the comically obsessive Elmyra, loved and adored animals. So much so that they cringed at her suffocating embrace and overbearing attentiveness. Her intentions were good—she loved them—but her approach in the beginning was way too much to handle. She got so excited at the sight of her companions that she would squeeze the breathe out of each one until they retreated. She never gave them a chance to love her back. She never allowed a mutual relationship to build.

I'm all about expressing feelings, but you have to filter them a little in the beginning. At the start, guys like to go in for a sip to see if they like what they taste. You're giving them more than a mouthful. They can't swallow it all at once, so they run away. Men also love the chase. When you give all of yourself away too fast, it lessens his prize.

Once you relax, you'll find the love you desire, but you also have to let it find you at its own pace. Don't squeeze away a chance to build on your emotions like Elmyra did with her obsession with affection. If you don't know how fast to take it, match his pace.

Another problem I have is that the type of guys that I am attracted to never looks at me. I am not that big of a guy (230 pounds), but I am in to very skinny geeky guys. It seems like the only guys that are into me are bigger guys. I just don’t know what do.

Mona: There's nothing wrong with being a venti and liking a tall. Dating takes resilience, so keep going after the type of guys you like. You'll eventually catch a thin cutie. Need motivation? Precious, played by Mo'nique in Lee Daniel's 2006 flick Shadowboxer, is a plus size woman with a small fry boyfriend named Dr. Don (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). In an interview about the movie, Lee told me that the character Precious was based on his real life sister, a larger woman who loved thin boys. The best part for you is that the thin boys loved her back–in real life. Her secret? I'm sure she let it be known that she liked what she liked and then went after it.

Now, I know that there is no dating utopia when it comes to a weigh in, but tastes and likes come in more varieties than any chat site dating box could ever accommodate. Your man is out there, but you can't wallow in a puddle of perceived deficiencies until he comes along. Don't generalize based on previous duds. Get out there, everywhere, and stay focused on the prize. Go where the geeky boys go (certain social clubs, certain cultural events, certain businesses attract certain types of people). Do you hang out where the nerdy guys hang out? If not, pick up that bottled up love energy and fill your calendar with every event and location visit you can think of. He's out there. Don't let him pass you by. And when you do catch him, let him work for it.

Yours watching movies,
Mona
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