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My Gay High School Infatuation

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My Gay High School Infatuation
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Question: My Gay High School Infatuation
Dear Gay Man:
I'm a sophomore in high school and I've known I was gay since about 6th grade. I have the biggest crush on a guy I met in band. We pick on each other and sometimes he jokes about having sex with me. I told him how how I felt in an email. He responded by saying he had no problem with me being gay.

After that, we still talk, but he stopped messing around with me like we used to. When I'm around him I feel this special bond between us. What should I do, gay man?
Answer: Dear Sixteen and Confused:
The game of love rarely makes sense and the actions of some men may never be explained. Your scenario has played itself out in the lives of countless gay men (young and old). You make a friend. He flirts. You flirt back. He touches. You're sure he likes you. You get excited. Your fantasies of a life together start to develop. You spill all of your emotions in a letter or an email and he returns a cryptic response. He says everything is cool. You take this as a green light to move forward. The only problem is he pulls back and things never return to the way they were before. You're heartbroken.

There's no use trying to rationalize this strange gay male behavior, because the answer lies within his confusion and fear, not your actions. In our society males aren't taught to bond with other males on a non-testosterone building level (i.e. sports and such). Our female counterparts, however, develop bonds of friendships that include hugging, light kisses and multitudes of affection. We males on the other hand get confused when we feel a bond with another man. All types of things run through our heads: Are we gay or bi? The answer always lies in the maybe until the feelings can be explored.

Both you and your band buddy are at an age of exploration (actually, in my opinion we never stop exploring our sexuality), and these untapped feelings may be new to him. It's good that you were able to express your feelings and his response was neutral, but in situations like these it's best to let nature take its course. If he was indeed scared or confused, learning of your attraction toward him could've added to his fear. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

It sounds like he is about to go through some major life transitions, such as graduating and possibly moving away from home. This is a time when a lot of gay, bi and curious men explore their feelings. If possible, keep the lines of communication open and just be a friend. Don't come on to strong, but let your actions do the talking. If he feels the same way he'll return the sentiment. The only trick is you have to wait until he is ready to take that step. And part of waiting is recognizing that he may never get there.

Until then, march on and congratulate yourself for being in touch with your feelings. Your crush won't fade instantly, but neither will your opportunity to meet other men.

Sincerely,
Gay Man
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