Question: Too Soon for 'I Love You'
Dear Mona Lisa,
My partner and I have been seeing each other for six weeks. He said it would be easy for him to fall for me, but he'd like to take it slow. I gave him a framed copy of the lyrics of a song and he started to cry. I then held his head and told him "I love you". He didn't answer at first, but then said it takes him more time because he's been hurt in the past. Later he said he wished I had waited longer to say that I loved him.
Have I ruined or damaged our relationship?
Answer: Dear Limp Lover,
There's a reason most animals refuse to prey on dead beasts. And those that regularly chomp on limp creatures are considered desperate scavengers. In the animal kingdom, capturing prey isn't just about feeding, it's in their nature to feed the thrill of the chase as well. Some predators even parade their catch through the prairie, showing off their hard-earned prize.
When it comes to love, us human beings haven't evolved past our animal instincts. Sure we all want tantalizing love, but no man likes or appreciates the things that come easily. The seemingly impossible makes our catch even that more desirable.
I believe in love at first sight and obviously so do you. Better yet, your guy may feel the same instant love that you feel. However, you never gave him a chance to work for it. Sure you may not like the game, but it's going to be played with or without you. By adding a little distance, you increase your desirability. Once you present yourself as an accomplishment instead of a given, he'll treat you like a hot catch. Would a man be proud of a bowling trophy if everyone in the alley got one? Would he put that disgusting deer head on the wall if it didn't take a camouflaged stakeout to kill it? Would he be proud of that 50 bucks he won at the casino if the blackjack table had a beginners only sign in neon? Heck no! When he said he wanted to take it slow what he really meant was "give me time to work my game!"
You came out the deck hard with the love song. He countered with a few tears. A hopeless romantic's tendency is to take that sign of affection as a signal to fold and display their entire hand. To the contrary, once he responds, it's time to play your next strategic card. And in any game, that is never the joker you played way too soon. Telling someone you love them is the best card you can play, but it should trump all other efforts since it can make or break the entire game depending on when it's played.
He probably wasn't ready to hear that you love him- not because he didn't feel the same, but because you took the thrill out of the chase. Your relationship can be salvaged, but you must take inaction immediately. Yes, inaction! There's no need to talk about what happened or look in the past. Pull back a little and create a challenge. Start the game over again. Don't be shady or inconsiderate, just let him win you over. Let him write you love songs in his own little way. So, the next time he hears that powerful word he'll know he worked for it. Pretty soon, like any man who's put his sweat and tears into something, he'll parade you around like the trophy you are.
Yours in love,
Mona Lisa
