Bad Relationship

See the Lesson in a Dead End Relationship

Hello Mona Lisa,

I left my wife of 12 years for my current boyfriend. We've been seeing each other for two years now, even though he has a partner. My boyfriend is insecure with our age difference (he's 19 years older) and does not want to end the relationship with his partner.

I realize that I made the choice to leave my wife so that my relationship with my boyfriend could progress, but I thought it would have progressed into something more by now. I feel that I am too young to be caught in a dead-end relationship, but I can't help feeling as if I've given up a lot for little in return.

Dear Brick Wall,

Opportunities for us to learn and grow arise often throughout our lives. It's almost like a continual stream of teachings. They don't condemn, but provide an opportunity for us to reflect and apply the lessons to the next situation. Unfortunately, most of us are too preoccupied with our own thoughts and life situations to even see the lesson.

In other words, you made a courageous decision, but missed the entire point of doing it in the first place. You didn't leave your wife for your boyfriend, you left her because you were gay!

You're probably wondering if being in a gay relationship was worth giving up your previously comfortable straight lifestyle. Don't think of the situation as a simple trade off: Your heterosexual life for your current boyfriend. Coming out and dealing with your own repressed sexuality is a good thing. Your peace of mind is worth the sacrifice. You traded a life of pent up shame and lies for one of freedom. Your current boyfriend just happened to be the catalyst that made that happen. Take him out the picture and you're still left with a self-fullfilled man (whether you see it now or not). The drama lies in him, not your newly discovered homosexual self.

You should be commended for ceasing to live a lie. However, you may have skipped a valuable step- getting to know yourself as a gay man first, then growing in a gay relationship. Don't overshadow the goodness of your heart and the endless possibilities with a negative situation.

As Jesus said (yes boys, I'm about to quote from the Bible), "Do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under foot and turn to attack you." (Matthew 7:6) In other words, you have a new life full of pearls and self-discovery. Don't look back with regret; journey on and find someone that sees your jewels for what they really are.

Yours in love,
Mona