Ready To Come Out and In Love With Larger Gay Men

Mona Love,

I had a small problem telling my mates that I was gay, but the one person that I am terrified of telling is my father. When my oldest brother came out to my dad they just stopped talking. I'm also worried about telling him I'm also a chubby chaser. How do I come out to someone who I may lose?

Dear CC,

Taking a liking towards our non-light weights isn't the shame-filled disclosure you might think it is. Despite the fact that I've never heard of anyone coming out as a chubby chaser, I see no problem with your desires—nor should anyone else. Basically, there's no need to actually come out as a size queen. Besides, your family and friends will eventually figure it out after repeated exposure to your future boyfriends and love toys.

Good for you for spreading the love. Be proud and never love lean. Too often our larger gays are overlooked, rendering their deep affection invisible to guys waiting in earnest for fictional Calvin Klein underwear models to ask them for a dance. Snicker at those suckers while you cuddle with your love bug.

Now that we have that out of the way, lets move on to the more pressing matter of your machismo padre. You're so concerned about your dad that you're overlooking the person that will be your biggest support—your gay older bro. Come out to him first and lean on him for support. Your dad has already shown his rainbow muting colors, so in a sense you already know what to expect.

So how do you come out to someone you know you may lose? You just have to do it. That's the only way you can live honestly. I know first hand that he will eventually come around, riddled with guilt that he missed out on many colorful years over a silly phobia. My dad did. If you want, I can pass his number along to your dad so they can share their misguided "not my son" dreams over a beer.

Bitterness aside, coming out is about you and only you. Holding your secret inside will only consume you, eventually forcing the straight dad-gay son conversation out in the open anyway. Why wait or the inevitable. Get it out of the way so you can use this precious time to heal.

Coming out is never easy and there is always a risk and sacrifice, which is why, well before you plan on sharing your life with those that might condemn, you should lean on those you know will love.

Read these tips and take this reply as permission to live your life as you want to live it:

Ways You Shouldn't Come Out
Coming Out Step-by-Step
More Coming Out Tips

Your cuddle bug,
Mona