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My Gay Husband

I Think My Husband Is Gay

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Hi Mona Lisa,

I have been married for over 40 years with two grown up children who still live at home. I am know my husband is gay. He secretly sees a man younger than our son. He talks to him several times a day and is always on the computer in chat rooms. He also clears the computer data every time he logs off. What can I do? I am very hurt at all this lies.


Dear Sex, Lies and Internet Dates,

Usually, I try and dispel any generalizations about suspect men, but it sounds like your husband is definitely on the down low or hiding something. Often times, gay, bisexual or curious men start families and relationships with women either with the false belief that they can suppress their gay or bisexual feelings or simply because they didn't discover their same gender loving feelings until after they were in committed relationships. This doesn't mean he loves you any less, he's starting to (or already has) become aware of his sexuality.

Forty years is a long time to devote to someone only to find him cruising the net for younglings. Your pain and confusion is understandable. He obviously has needs that are not being met. This is neither your fault nor your deficiency, and may not be your job; it's a failure on his part to be honest with himself and the family he's built.

Read When Your Man Is on the Down Low for a step-by-step approach to dealing with this situation. Ultimately, you will need to protect yourself and prevent your husbands trickery from causing any more damage.

Yours in love,
Mona
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