HIV Positive Dating

Dear Mona Lisa,

I'm an HIV positive gay man. When should I tell someone whom I am interested in, dating and possibly looking at having a long term relationship with about my HIV status?

Dear J. Q. Revealing,

It's understandable that you might be a little hesitant about discussing your HIV status, but it's always best to disclose any big skeletons as soon as possible.

I'm sure you want to give him a chance to get to know you as a person and not you as your status so go out on a few dates and see how things develop. If you dig him and he digs you, then sit him down and spill the tea. I would suggest not sleep with him before disclosing your status, though. He might feel betrayed later or focus more on his status than the possibilities of a healthy relationship with you. Let him know that you cared enough for him to share this part of you and that many gay men have successful serodiscordant relationships.

Discuss safer sex and the risk factors. Also, talk to him about your personal health care plans and let him know what you expect from him.

Of course, you run the risk of losing that person, but realize that it's his lack of understanding and fear, not your status. Some people simply aren't ready to date an HIV positive person; while others are unaware of the possibilities of a long-term and loving relationship with an HIV positive partner. Either way, it's a matter of education and maturity, not a deficiency on your part.

Always remember, your HIV status doesn't define who you are. Be honest, be open. The right person for you will stick by your side no matter what!

Yours in Love,
Mona Lisa