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I Love My Best Friend

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Dear Mona,

I am bisexual. I used to believe I was straight, but I met this guy last year and I fell in love with him. We quickly became best friends. The problem is, I developed feelings for him as more than a friend. If fact, I obsess over him day and night. He doesn't know I have feelings for him, though I think he suspects I'm gay.

I need to know if theirs a way to get a straight guy to become attracted to another guy. I spoke with another bisexual individual online and he told me that I should watch bisexual adult movies with him and then make a move or ask if he wants to try it.

My main fear is that if I make a move and he doesn't want to he will end up hating me, and I'll end up losing my best friend. I'd probably be forced to suicide if that happens. Is their anything I could do?


Dear Platonic Paul,

It's not uncommon for a friend to fall for his best buddy. It happens quite often in girl-guy friendships and the gay or bi guy-guy friendships. Sometimes it just can't be helped. Best Judy connections are deep, intense and often resemble romantic relationships.

I hate to be the mouth of bad news, but there is no way to "turn" a straight guy gay (more), but it is possible that he may actually be gay or bi as you suspect.

If your friendship trumps a possible relationship, I'd suggest you go more PG-17 than X-rated. I wouldn't set him up by trying to play off of his sex drive. You don't want to make skin-to-skin contact just to find out he is merely curious or was so in the mood he couldn't pass up the opportunity. Plus, the possible benefits don't outweigh a possible punch in the face.

Keep it more Oprah than Jerry Springer by respecting him (and yourself). Have an adult conversation about how you feel. Butter him up with one of those special best friend nights that you guys share, then spill the beans. Give him an opportunity to express his feelings, but be prepared for the worst. He may have feelings for you. He may not. He may also be bi but not ready to come out or he may be bi and just not into you that way. There are an infinite number of scenarios that only he can clear up.

But, who would Mona be if she didn't spread a little hope? Know that there is always a possibility that things will play out in your favor. However, I must manage expectations and be Debbie Downer for a moment. Keep another confidant on speed dial just in case he gives you the old "I love you, man; just not in that way." You'll need a shoulder to lean on.

This talk of yours will take a lot of courage, but it will help you get some sort of closure. Either way, I have a feeling you're strong enough to get through this. If you have any sort of depression or suicidal feelings, call The Trevor Project hotline. They help many people in similar situations that have suicidal feelings. I know you don't want to lose your best friend; just know that we don't want to lose you either.

Yours in Love,
Mona

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