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Gay, 15 and "In Like"

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Hi Mona,

I'm Brett. I'm 15 and have a guy I kind of like. I'm pretty sure he's gay, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I was wondering how I could know if he likes me and if he is gay. And how I could ask him?


Hello Brett,

Oh, how I remember the days of young love and "like". The days when the boys I crushed on gave me a tingle inside my chest. The days When all I could think about was hanging out with them and sharing secrets. The days when all I was concerned about was liking him and not whether or not he had a job or good credit...

Of course, I wasn't out when I was 15, but that's beside the point. What matters now is that you still have an opportunity to do these things—young crush things. Writing love letters may be a little too much right now, but you can be his friend and have a blast hanging out.

Here's what you can do to get all the answers you need:

Make the approach. I'm assuming you guys aren't already friends, so strike up a random conversation with him (about anything... yeah, anything). This will break the ice and you'll see what kind of instant connection you two might have.

Make a date. Well, make a "hanging out" date. Invite him to check out a movie with you or play some ball or study together. Strike up more conversation to get to know him better.

Drop hints. During your "dates" (which aren't really dates), bring up gay topics in the news or that one gay kid you knew in middle school or any other random gay topic. His reactions will help you figure out where he stands and, as an added bonus, will open the "gay" topic up for discussion.

Come out (when you're ready). If you feel comfortable, let him know that you are gay. Try not to pressure him into coming out right then, but let him know that he can talk to you. If he's scared he may back off, only to return later. Clear the air about yourself, but give him some space.

Let life take its course. This is the hard step for us impatient romantics. There are an infinite number of ways this crush can go. You won't know for sure if he's gay until he tells you and even then you won't know if he digs you until he... you guessed it—tells you. In other words, you might as well be his friend, spend time with him, share you feelings, then chill and let things happen. All of your questions will be answered soon enough.

No matter how things play out, you'll get some practice at approaching guys (which will be a huge asset once you get older... Gay men love other men who are brave enough to make the first move).

Well, my gay friend, I have to go off and check my credit report and you have your approach (and some dates) to plan. Remember, play it cool, ask him out, bring up gay topics, come out to him and then have the time of your life.

Yours Heading North on Memory Lane, Mona

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