He's HIV Positive. Should I Date Him?

Dear Mona,

I met the most wonderful and perfect guy. He's everything I want and he likes me just as much as I like him. When he told me he was positive, part of me wanted to drop him, but I didn't and now I love him!

I want a relationship with him, but I don't want the risk of contracting HIV. However, the risk is almost the same isn't it? With him, I know. With everyone else, there's that maybe factor which could lead to unprotected sex...

Dear Sero Sammy,

The answer to your quandary lies in a wrapper inside the goodie box by your bed. I have a feeling that you already know this. I also have an inkling that your anxiety is sending you on a quest for a stay-negative guarantee (or at least some reassurance that you're not being more risky by dating a poz man).

Unfortunately, you'll always be at risk of contracting HIV from your poz partner; but the risk is no different than having relations with a partner of unknown status. Your safer sex practices should always be on red-alert status, regardless.

Is there a way to protect yourself in your serodiscordant relationship? Sure there is, but it's no different than the safer sex practices that you should already be using.

Have a serious chat with your love about your anxiety. I'm sure he has the same concerns. Lay out some sexual ground rules. Slip ups and mishaps, though they make good excuses, are not allowed. You both need to make sure that the romper room doesn't get out of control! Then you must be honest with yourself as to whether you will be able to make a few sacrifices for the love you say you have. I'd also suggest some couples counseling to help you both deal with the anxiety of the situation. Let your heart lead because, sadly, your risk of contracting HIV is no more in a sero relationship than it is playing the field.

Yours in latex,
Mona