Interview with Jeff Lutes from Soulforce

Jeff Lutes serves as the Executive Director of Soulforce, Inc., an organization that helps free lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people from religious and political oppression. In this interview, Jeff discusses life as a gay dad, peaceful resistance to oppression and what ex-gay camps aren't telling their supporters.

Talk about your experiences being a gay dad.

When I’m reflecting on my life during my final days, I’m confident that parenting three kids will rank as my greatest achievement. Without a doubt, it is my greatest joy. For the most part, being a dad is being a dad, whether you are gay or straight. The research shows that, regardless of sexual orientation, children need a combination of warmth, clear expectations and limits, and firm but loving discipline. I am the nurturer and my partner is much better at the discipline. Our two strengths seem to be a good balance. We are lucky to be surrounded by a community, and a church, that includes other same-sex households and many straight families with kids who are strong allies. However, we are well aware that many same-sex families do not enjoy that kind of support. I get emails all the time from two dads or two moms describing the terrible discrimination and bigotry they’ve faced in their communities. It is for those families, as well as mine, that I struggle for justice and equality.

At some point, many LGBT people have thought about what life would be like if they weren't gay. Then comes along Exodus International, which states, "You don't have to be gay! You can lead a life far better than what you have experienced so far." What's the one detail groups like Exodus are leaving out of their messages of "relief"?

Exodus has one of the most insidious and damaging messages of all. It fails to tell [LGBT] people that God loves them, exactly as they are, without reservation. Exodus fails to share the stories of happy and productive LGBT people who are in loving relationships, raising children, successful in their careers, and deeply committed to their faith. Instead, they side with and encourage the person’s religiously induced self-hatred so that “change” seems like the only possible option. As a therapist in private practice, it breaks my heart to hear suicidal histories and souls that have been cruelly damaged as a result of Exodus, reparative therapy, and other ex-gay ministries.

Soulforce is sending a powerful message countering the Exodus International Conference with the Ex-Gay Survivor's Conference. Can ex-gay camp survivors bounce back from the propaganda or will your conference just send them into another whirlwind of confusion?

Most of the speakers at our conference are actual survivor’s of various ex-gay programs. Their courageous stories illuminate the tough recovery process one goes through to get to a place of spiritual, emotional, and psychological health. But, they are also stories of hope because they show that with proper information and support, people do come out and reach a place of self-acceptance.

What's the one message you have for families considering ex-gay camps for their kids?

Do your homework and read the warnings about reparative therapy issued by the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Medical Association, and in fact, every reliable health and mental health association in America. Learn about some of the bizarre approaches inflicted upon minors in many of these programs, some that, in my opinion, border on child abuse. Be open to the possibility that your understanding about homosexuality might be flawed and spend some time getting to know other lesbian and gay people. Read the valid scientific findings and talk with pastors and churches that have gone through the process of becoming a welcoming and affirming congregation. Above all else, know that by coming out your child has given you a gift of great integrity. That gift is honesty. Accept your son or daughter with open arms, love them, and move forward joyfully with a family experience that is more genuine and authentic.

Talk about the Soulforce Equality Ride.

The Soulforce Equality Ride is an extraordinary example of Gandhi and King’s principles of nonviolent resistance in action. Young people from across America are getting involved in a movement to advance equality and change the discriminatory policies that exist on Christian campuses. The students at these universities become our next generation of conservative leaders and it is vitally important to create conversations that help them have a new, and more accurate understanding of their LGBT neighbors. The Equality Ride creates change. For example, six of the schools on the 2007 route now have new gay-straight alliances; the students at Baylor University are calling on the administration to review its antigay policies; and Brigham Young University revised its policy to say that the university will respond to “homosexual behavior rather than feelings or orientation.” That policy change is a small but significant improvement over their previous version that prohibited “homosexual behavior, whether implicit or explicit.”

Soulforce has been criticized for "demanding" anti-gay groups change what they believe "in their hearts" to be true. Can such strong beliefs be changed?

All of us should demand a world free from bigotry and discrimination. The black community did not wait until white Americans changed what they believed “in their hearts.” Instead, they mobilized and took action to nonviolently resist injustice. In doing so, they helped expose the ugliness of prejudice and rightly made white Americans feel ashamed of their “strong beliefs.” It was through the black community’s “demanding” that the rest of the country saw the error of its ways and began the process of creating equal rights. The gay community, and all fair-minded Americans, can and must use these same principles to change the hearts and minds of those locked in the grips of anti gay misunderstanding.

Jeff Lutes serves as the Executive Director of Soulforce, Inc., an organization that helps free LGBT people from religious and political oppression.