How To Help a Suicidal Friend

Be a friend and an ear.

Loneliness. Isolation. Fear. Regret. Rejection. These are common feelings a suicidal friend might experience, especially after coming out. Often times they feel as if no one understands them. They may also feel that there is no solution (or at least no immediate one) to their problems; or even worse, no one there to help them.

You can help by showing them that you are an unconditional friend and ear. Let them know that they are not alone and that many people share the same feelings. Encourage them to share their feelings with you. Reciprocate with feelings of your own. Even if your friend doesn't feel like talking right away, just being there for them can mean a world of difference.

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It's real (for them). Don't take that away.

Sometimes when we give our friends advice we try and convince them that their problem isn't really a problem. Even if your friend's thoughts, fears or feelings seem dramatic or unrealistic, understand that these issues are very real to them—real enough for them to consider taking their own life. Be understanding without being judgmental. Also, try and avoid phrases like, "It's not that bad" or "You're just being sensitive."

The key is to give advice without negating their feelings. If they claim you don't understand, don't try to convince them that you do. Just listen and let them know that you want to understand.

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Don't avoid the topic.

Avoidance isn't what your friend needs right now. In fact, their not trying to avoid the issue at all. Don't be afraid to talk about suicide. Ask them if they are considering committing suicide. Ask if they've made a plan (this will help you gauge the seriousness of their intentions). Their intent may still be there even without an initial plan.

Avoid the common myth that "if they really wanted to die they would've done it already." Your friend needs help and any thoughts, plans or failed attempts on their life should be taken seriously. Death is final. Remind them of that and encourage them to stick it out.

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Make a plan.

One of the reasons your friend is in this situation is because they can't see a realistic solution to their problem. Sit with them and make a plan of action. Have them write down their issues and come up with plausible short term and long term solutions. For complex issues, develop alternatives together. Show them that if they take it step by step things will get better.

Remove the tools.

Remove any dangerous items from your friend's home. You know your friend and their habits and maybe some of their secrets. Do they have a gun in the house or a knife collection? What about chemicals or pills? Try and remove any items that may be used to attempt suicide.

Tell an adult.

Unfortunately, now isn't the time for a teenage pact. Don't promise not to tell anyone. Find a trusted adult that can help you help them. If your friend is considering suicide because of issues with their parents, it may not be best to solicit their help. Try your parents, adult siblings or a trusted community or school leader. You can also solicit the help of your local LGBT community center or a gay-affirmative therapist.

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Call Trevor.

The Trevor Project operates a 24 hour suicide prevention helpline for gay and questioning youth. They offer free and confidential help. Call them at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Seek emergency help.

In emergency situations where you aren't able to help your friend and you believe they are going to commit suicide, stay with them and call 911 immediately.