I'm 24 and my bf is 25. We've been together for seven years. I know this guy who we want to bring into our relationship. I'm still not sure if that's a good idea, but we want to do it. This guy is close to the family and we think it is going to be a good idea. At some point our relationship kind of got boring, but we still love each other. We think by taking this guy into our relationship it's going to help us, three, make a better and more positive relationship.
Dear Bermuda Triangle,
What you are seeking is a trinogamous relationship
, which is serious business. They take three times the work, if you get my drift. Mere threesome chasers are in it for a quick thrill; tris are looking for additional long-time companions.
My concern is that you aren't seeking an odd man to compliment an already solid relationship, but defaulting to another person to fix what you and your boyfriend either can't or aren't willing to. This approach to relationship repair rarely works. Proof comes in the laws of mathematics, geometry to be exact.
Think of a trinogamous relationship as a triangle. Tri couples live in, what we could say, an equidistant three-sided structure of love. Each side is of equal length, takes equal care and the whole trifecta thrives on a solid connection between all three sides.
Multiple-person relationships take punctilious effort because there are too many variables. Once the triangle is broken the entire structure collapses: you may end up with the third guy; the third guy may end up with your bf; none of you may end up with each other.
You, my gay, are attempting to create a triangle with two sides that are already broken. An external person can't fix what you and your man can't repair internally. Adding a third may spice things up temporarily; but without first balancing your current relationship equation, your entire love triangle will inevitably collapse. Issues don't just go away, honey. They resurface over and over again until you deal with them.
As us math-heads can attest, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. To the non-math inclined, this means the best (and shortest) way to get somewhere is the direct approach—no twists, turns or roundabouts. If you want your relationship to go the distance, don't bring someone else into your drama: Go directly to the source.