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How To Meet a Boyfriend


Male Couple at Bar Drinking Martinis and Talking
Chad Baker/Jason Reed/Ryan McVay/Photodisc/Getty Images

Hi Mona: I am not into the bar scene and although I enjoy dancing, I do not believe a club is the best place to meet a serious partner. Do you have any suggestions about how to meet a same-sex partner?

Well, Duncan, clubs and bars can be good spots to meet folks, but meeting a serious partner there might be more of the exception than the norm. Why? There's little time to find common interests (not to mention the environment isn't conducive to holding a conversation). That's not to say you can't meet a good man in a bar. Your chances are just much lower. Try what I call the "Go Where They Go" and the "Do What You Love" approaches:

Go Where They Go

This first approach requires a little homework before you start. Write a list of the qualities you desire in a guy. Think outside the bun and list things like "intellectual", "athletic", "artistic", etc. Next, write down the potential places these types of men frequent.

For instance, the intellectual is more likely to go to poetry readings or chill in Barnes & Noble or go to a local lecture. The athletic guy probably loves the gym, is on a local sports team or loves to go to the sports bar to watch the game. The artist probably hits the museum every time a new exhibit opens, etc. Of course, these aren't absolutes, but I'm sure you get my drift. Go where your ideal man goes and you're bound to run into him.

Do What You Love

This next approach is quite simple. All you have to do is what you love to do already! You just have to get more involved.

Personally, I like a man that shares my interests. I love to read and so I go to book signings and readings. I love the gym and so I frequent it often. I love to write and so I seek out other writers. You can keep your current hobbies, just reach out and make contact with others that share the same interests. After a while you'll not only make great friends, but find potential dates.

A member of the Gay Life forum asked a question similar to yours. Here's a preview of the conversation:

Tygercat1997 asks: "I'm always curious how guys in relationships of at least a year or longer met their boyfriends. I live in a liberal area with a lot of gay men but I know I've gone about looking for a boyfriend in the wrong way, which is why I'm 37 and still single. Any advice? "

Here is one of the responses:
  • "I met my partner of 12 years while I was performing music for a benefit put on by a local gay organization. He was in the audience and caught my eye. Later we met up at a party through mutual friends and started talking. Two weeks later we were inseparable." Join the discussion
Lastly, be happy with who you are and confident in what you have to offer. Those that search rarely find. I know it's not easy to be patient, but try and make a conscious effort to get out there in the scene - and not just the gay scene, any scene that interests you.

Don't sit at home, let your good qualities radiate. Men pick up on the vibes we put out there, so always make it a good one. Doing this may not produce the quantities that other men seem to find, but this method of self-love definitely produces the quality you seek.

Yours radiating,
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