So you and your ex have started communicating again. The new conversations remind you of the good times. Your first thoughts are "Maybe he has changed" and "This is why I fell in love with him in the first place." You take your time trusting him again and things are now going well. The euphoria of just meeting and falling head over heals has returned. You then wonder what it would be like if you two were back together, forgetting all about the bad times. Yes, you guys joke about who lied to who and who broke who's favorite candle holder, but have you really resolved all of the issues you need to resolve?
Getting back with your ex boyfriend can be a great thing. But along with the success stories are failures due to lack of communication. Save your rejuvenated relationship by considering these things before getting back with your ex.
1. Don't Let Your Emotions Take Control
A few minutes of mental discipline can mean years of emotional play. Like we discussed earlier, it's difficult to step back and think rationally when you open the positive lines of communication with your ex. A flood of emotion can overcome you, clouding your judgment. Resist the good feelings and focus on if starting a new relationship with your ex will be a positive contribution to your present life. If not, you may want to reconsider.
2. Heal Old Wounds
Don't forget- something about him upset you in the first place! You or he may have regrets, but that's not enough to resolve any previous pet peeves or conflicts. Sure, your previous relationship wasn't a trip to the grocery store, but it helps to take some time alone to write a list of your ex's positive and negative qualities. Be as detailed as possible and list situations if necessary. Try and draw out what contributions you feel each of you made to the failed relationship. Be sure to discuss these things with him and ask yourself: Have these issues really been resolved? Has he or I truly changed or can either of you live with the things you couldn't live with before?
3. Drop Previous Expectations
A new relationship with your ex is just that- a new relationship. So, drop the previous dreams and expectations and start anew. You don't have to start from the beginning of man, but try and build a new life together and treat common goals and expectations as if they are new. There is still trust and a renewed friendship to be built.
Ultimately, the decision to get back with your ex has to lie with you; but it's important to make sure you don't fall into the same patterns, fights or routines that led you to the first breakup. Ask yourself honest questions followed by truthful answers, then openly discuss the feasibility of a new relationship with your ex.
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