Coming Out of the Closet

I'm Gay, Will My Cousin Reject Me?

Dear Ramon,

Next weekend I'm going over to my cousins house. He's around my age. He and his friend talk to me about girls all the time, but they don't know I'm gay. I'm sorta sick of pretending to be straight, but I'm afraid to tell him that I'm gay because I have no idea what his reaction will be. How can I know if he will accept me as his gay cousin?

Dear Queer Cousin,

Every gay or bi man considers how their family and friends will react when they come out. Will your family reject you? Will your friends suddenly feel uncomfortable? Will you lose good friends or family members? These are valid questions that you should consider; but unfortunately, there is no way to predict how your loved ones will react to your same gender feelings. The most important thing to think about is your own health and well being. You should come out to family and friends at a pace that makes you comfortable. There is no set timeline or proper order of disclosure; and remember, each person's situation is different. Nonetheless, the one common thread among gay men is the liberation they feel once they no longer have to hide their feelings.

Try talking to him about gay topics (there are plenty in the news now) and gauge his reaction. Look for clues like his body language or words he uses. Does he immediately get defensive or disgusted or does he shrug his shoulders, signaling that he is fine with gay people?

If his reaction is positive, then tell him you have something you'd like to share. If not, then before coming out consider that he might not take it so well. Just keep in mind that no matter what the reaction or eventual outcome, coming out is about you sharing your lifestyle. His reaction is not a reflection on you, but his own level of comfort (which he must learn to heal or deal with). Of course, the feelings of your loved ones and friends should always be considered, but keeping your sexuality buried can be devastating to your stability in the long run.

If you're sick of pretending, then maybe it's time to be yourself! If your cousin loves you (which it sounds like he does), then he will be there for you!

Your gay friend,

Ramon

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