1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Discuss in my forum

How to Succeed in the Gay Dating Scene

By



It's all in the marketing.
Have you ever considered what image you project? How's your attitude about life, being gay or dating? Do you walk with confidence or insecurity? It's important to consider these things when looking for a date. More times than not, you'll attract the type of guy that's attracted to the signals you're sending. So, if you're meeting the wrong type of guys (or the same type), try changing your attitude. If you don't normally smile, try giving guys a quick grin. If you give off an air of arrogance, try loosening up a bit. A little self-reflection and image adjustment can go a long way.

Fine tune your search.
How can you find Mr. Right if you don't have a vision of what he looks like? Make a list of the qualities you like in a guy. This may sound like a silly exercise, but a few minutes with a pad and paper can help you focus on finding the right man for you. Not long ago I wrote down the hair color, height range, ethnicity, and build of my ideal date and it's amazing how many guys I meet that fall within my "list." But don't just stop there - life isn't all about physical qualities. What kind of personality or demeanor would you like him to have? What about his family life? Keep your options open, though. Sometimes the cosmos have a way of surprising us.

Go where they go.
You wouldn't look for pasta sauce in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store would you? Of course not. So why do most gay men look for specific types of guys in the wrong places. If you like a certain type of guy, go where those types of guys go. I'd love to say the world is an integrated utopia, but people tend to hang out with others with similar backgrounds or interests. Let's say you're looking for a guy that has an interest in theater; then join a local theater group or hang out at local venues frequented by theater lovers. If your dream lover is a body builder, then spend more time at the gym, because more than likely that's where he'll be most of the time.

Seek and enjoy!
Are you the life of the party or do you like to sit on the sidelines? Most gay men wait for their knight in shining Tiffany to come and swoop them up from the bar stool. You look, make eye contact and even flirt a bit, but do you ever make a move? Who doesn't want a handsome guy to come up and talk to them? unfortunately, this attitude has created an imbalance in the dating scene. Since everyone's waiting to be approached, there's no one doing the approaching; which is why it's not uncommon to go to a gay party and see everyone standing around in their own corners like at a middle school dance. Practice getting out of you comfort zone. Find a guy you like and try starting a conversation. To many gay men, the thought of doing this is terrifying, but with practice it will get more comfortable.

Find something in common.
Now that you're ready to walk up to a guy, what are you going to say to him? Well, in my experience two angles work best: breaking the ice and then finding something in common. Breaking the ice can be easier than you may think. Find something unique about him (article of clothing, jewelry, hair style), then comment on it. Try a humorous angle. Instead of saying, "I like your hair cut" try phrasing it in a way that will make him smile or continue a conversation. A better approach might be, "You know, my stylist said only certain guys can pull off that style. I guess you're one of them..." Hey, it may sound cheesy, but it strikes conversation and hopefully a blush. If you get stuck, then offer to buy him a drink. This buys you time to think about something else to talk about.

Once you've broken the ice, find something you guys have in common and go with it. If nothing is apparent ask him if he is interested in the things you're interested in and go from there.

Control your emotional valve.
Be honest and open with your new prospect, but don't give too much too soon. Connecting with someone you like can be an overwhelming experience in its beginning stages. Take your time getting to know one another and let the details of your life and your emotions unfold naturally. Your first date might not be the time to talk about work stress or emotional issues with your father. Spend time in the beginning getting comfortable with each other and slowly open up. That way neither one of you are overwhelmed too early in the relationship.

Play the odds.
Sometimes playing the dating game is like playing a slot machine. It's attractive with its many colors and sounds, but always uncertain. Of course, there's the potential of hitting the jackpot, but unless you're extremely lucky you have to play more than a few coins to hit big. If approaching a guy doesn't work the first time, then try, try again. Eventually it will pay off.

More on Gay Love & Relationships
  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Gay Life
  4. Gay Marriage and Relationships
  5. Dating
  6. Singles
  7. Gay Dating

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.