My partner and I have been together for 5 years. After the second year, I found out he was having fantasy sex with other guys in chat rooms. He was sending his naked picture to them. We had both agreed to have a monogamous relationship.
When I approached him about it, he said it was just fantasy and he would never act on it. Over the past two years this has replayed itself over and over again, and I am continually told it is only fantasy and not reality. I have caught him in a couple of lies and now I have trouble trusting him.
When I have tried to talk to him he changes the subject. He said he would get help because he felt it was affecting our relationship, but he never has. He is gone a lot and frankly I don't trust him. His sexual interest in me has waned which even compounds my belief that something is going on. I know he talks very sex explicitly to the guys he contacts.
I don't know how to handle it. In every other way he seems totally committed to me. I have considered doing the same thing, but honestly, I would rather do it with him. Any suggestions? How can I improve our sex life?
Dear Jump Start,
This situation requires emergency action! These easy steps can help you reclaim your man:
- Stop panicking! Sounds like your man is going through a mid-relationship crisis. Remember 5 gay years equals about 25. He's probably freaking out because he's realizing that you may be the one and wants to make sure your candy is the tastiest in the store. No worries though, this is an easy fix.
- Stop talking to him about it. It's time for action! Go to your local sex shop (if there isn't one close by, search for one on the net). You say he talks raunchy stuff to these guys? Time for some raunchy role-play. Buy a few extremely freaky items from the kinky store. Think outside of your comfort level (i.e. swings, penis rings, flavored lubricants, maybe even chaps).
- Plan a surprise romantic night. Prepare dinner by candlelight, but this time the menu should consist of chocolates, strawberries, honey or even whipped cream. Instead of sitting at the table in your normal gear, wear some of the new sexy clothing you got from the sex shop.
- Sit him down and ask him not to move, this is your show! Feed him the goodies. Eat the whip cream off his chest or any other creative spot. Work him into a frenzy and then move the party to the floor or even the table top (Don't worry, you can clean it later!). Take control and give him the wildest night of his life.
- Try a little role play. It's embarrassing at first, but make up a
scenario (you're his sex-crazed waiter, a kinky sex-god or another
character that finds him irresistible). Ravish him and don't hold back. Whisper softly in his ear that you are his man and it's your job to fulfill his every fantasy. Be sure NOT to bring up any of the online chat guys! Just be creative.
It sounds like he's looking for a little spark in your love life. But of course he's a man and doesn't know how to communicate that. Don't blame him, blame the human genome. Unfortunately, you will have to read his mind and see what actions excite him the most.
- If the taste fest goes well, spontaneously plan other exciting sexual events. Let him know you want to be with him and only him. Try some private outdoor action or interrupt his shower with a cleaning session of your own. In other words, keep it exciting and spontaneous. Your mission from this point on (if you choose to accept it) is to outdo and outperform any potential trick he may find on the net. If your man wants raunch, give it to him. Then, after the spark has been reunited, let him know it's your turn to check into the fantasy hotel!
Yours in love,