Dating Your Neighbor

Dear Mona,  

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. He's also my neighbor. Last week, he says we should stop having sex and he's not stating the reason why. We still have a good relationship sans sex. I want us to be like it was before. Please help.  

-Ash   

Dear Good Neighbor,  

I'm reminded of what my mama told me a long time ago. She said, "Baby, don't crap where you eat." Of course, her expression was little more colorful than that, but we're running a PG-13 show here. I thought she was just being nasty, plus I was too busy looking for boys to hear a word she said anyway. I thought to myself, "What do I care where the boy lives? If he's cute, then I'm going for it!"  

Little did I know my carelessness would come back and bite me in the [insert colorful word]. I did exactly what she told me not too. She warned me against getting involved with someone (ie. a neighbor, a co-worker, a best friend's friend...) in a situation where I couldn't easily remove myself should things go in the crapper. Because, if something goes wrong, like in your case, there's no where to hide or run. I can tell you first hand, there is nothing worse than frolicking with a nearby neighbor only for it not to work out and then you both have to see each other all the time. A sticky, stinky situation.  

But in your case, my ashy one, like me, the damage has already been done. You didn't listen to mama either. Now I beg you to listen to me:  

Despite what's on the surface, your relationship can no longer be classified as "good." I mean, how good can it actually be when your man decides (on his own) to reduce your sex life to nil and then on top of that refuse to give you an explanation why? This tells me that your guy either a) doesn't respect you or b) doesn't care enough about you or c) has found his source elsewhere or d) all of the above. People, especially men, don't just stop having sex unless something's gone wrong (or gone right with someone else).
Us gay boys often have a twisted sense of what a partnership really is. We toss around words like "love" and "good," yet the things we often accept from our mates is far from either one of them.  

So, my challenge to you is to take a step back and really think about what has happened: You and and the neighbor developed a relationship and everything was great. And then he decided to distance himself. I'm no psychic, but it sounds like he may be getting his food supply from a different fridge and since you two live next door from one another he can't make a clean break.  

Look, you're in this relationship too. He can't just make decisions like this without your input and a mutual agreement. You deserve better than that. You also deserve to know why he has chosen to discontinue an important part of your bond. If he can't give you an explanation, then I'd suggest you let him have the relationship not sans sex, but sans you!  

A real partner is one that can communicate and reciprocate, not dictate. You can't change him, but you can change how you view yourself and what you deserve from a man. And next time, pick a boy across town. That way you can keep your kitchen clean and your bathroom functional.  

Yours calling my mama back,
Mona