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What Should I Do About His Selfish Sex?

He Leaves Me To Finish By Myself


Dear Mona,

I have been in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months now. Everything is great, except for the random times he finishes before me during sex. I am left to finish by myself. He's done, completely not in the mood and ready to take a shower. I have asked him for help, but he tells me I can do it faster. I've tried to call it a wrap when we don't finish together, but then he thinks something is wrong. Truth is, I'd rather not finish than do it on my own after sex. What to do?

-Solo Sam

Dear Dry Spell,

If you've read any of my love scribbles over the last six years, you know that I'm a fan of the talk-first philosophy. Since talking is a bust in your situation, it's time for action. Drastic action. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't care about your satisfaction. And it makes me wonder how "wonderful" your relationship is when he so callously kicks you off of the groove train.

It's difficult to assess what's really going on here without hearing the full story, but my sensitive relationship eye tells me that the bedroom isn't the only place where he gets exactly what he wants and leaves you to clean up the mess. It's only been 7 months. Is this really the type of person you want to recruit for a long term gig? Your boyfriend doesn't sound like the make-it-work type, anyway. Besides, there are plenty of single gay men out there who are itching to reciprocate. Why are you wasting your time on this guy?

The next time he treats you like a mere sex toy, wait until he cranks up the shower and then pack up your things. When he asks you what you're doing, explain to him that you're finishing up on your own as he suggested.

Yours packing,
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