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Advice For a Gay and Bisexual Virgins

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Hi Mona,  

I am in my early twenties and a virgin. I have never been with a girl or boy. I have never been on a date, kissed or even been touched by either sex. I have been very lonely and have reached a point where I don't care which sex comes along to take my virginity. All I really want is to be loved and wanted on an emotional level but also on a physical level.
 

Dear Never Been Touched,

Slow down there, bi racer. Sure you're about ready to explode, but don't just let anybody stew your goodness. I know: You can't stand it any longer. You need affection. True that. We all need some cuddle, tickle or full blown action in our lives, but what you don't want to do is get yourself in a situation that you can't repair. Far too many guys let their loins make decisions for them and too often they are poor decisions all in the name of preventing loneliness.  

Here's what to do:
  1. Slide back a second. Breathe. You're going to need to focus to get your needs met.

  2. Gay guys can smell desperation from a bar counter away. Even if you are eager, you have to put on an air like you're completely satisfied. Your confidence will show and the guys will come buzzing.

  3. You have plenty of good sexing years left, so stay focused on your goal and be discriminating when it comes to your bed mate. By discriminating, I don't mean be race or size selective, just don't give it up to the first guy that asks you to go home with him.

  4. Manage your expectations. On one hand, I'm understanding that you just want a one night jump off. On the other, I sense that you want a deeper emotional connection. You should know that even when you do have sex, it doesn't mean that your emotional needs will be met. If a deeper connection is what you're seeking, then you should shift your focus to establishing a relationship instead of a quick fix.

  5. To get either your short term desires or your long term relationship goals met, you have to get out there. Where? Everywhere the gay boys may be, which these days isn't limited to bars and clubs.

  6. You have to take a chance. Take your love life in your own hands by learning how to approach guys. Can't get up the nerve? Practice. I practiced for a while before I gathered the mojo to make the first move. Dating is a numbers game. You're going to encounter plenty of rejection, but you have to be persistent. As your confidence builds you'll be amazed at your ability to choose guys instead of having them choose you.

  7. Don't feel confined by labels. So you dig guys and girls. Sexuality is definitely more fluid than a couple of check boxes. Explore your options, but first determine what you really want before giving in to the cloud of longing. And, by the way, the advice above can also be used for the ladies.
My boss at my job is my same age and I like him as a person and he is gay. He is kind of hard to read but he has showed some interest in me personally. He makes me feel alive and thought of and I have become infatuated with him. I like him so much that I asked him if he wanted to go out some time and he said yes. We have not set a date yet but I really hope we can go out. If we would ever to hang out and things got physical I would allow him to be my first kiss and whatever else that may happen. But, he's my boss and I am not for sure he really is that into me. Should I open myself up to him more and tell him how i feel about him?  

Great, you made a move and he's agreed to go out with you. Set the date and make it happen. He's either totally into you or at least intrigued. Go with it and see if there is chemistry. If you're feeling it, go in for the kiss or the extras. But, since he is your boss, take caution and read these tips on dating your gay boss.   

Yours in love,
Mona
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