I was sure I liked being on the receiving end of sex until one day my boyfriend told me he thinks he prefers the same role. I'm vers so I thought: Ok, I'll give it a go and see what happens.
Well, it turns out that anal sex is very uncomfortable for him... for both of us, actually. So yeah, we decided to continue with the non-penetrative stuff which was fine for a while but then I started getting fed up with it!
So after a long time of begging him to top, we finally went for it. It was very awkward to say the least and it wasn't long before he asked me to stop despite the fact that I was enjoying it.
Now, every time I mention anal sex he talks about how he would like to be passive and not active and blah blah... But every time I try and top, he says no and tells me he's not ready. What do I do?
-In Love, But Confused
Dear Bumping Cushions:
It's obvious that you have a sexual compatibility issue, but this is an opportunity for you to tune your vers skills. Your boyfriend isn't an old couch cushion, neither is he a plastic toy to be adjusted at your command. Good topping and bottoming happens more in the prep than in the actual poke and prod. He wants you to take the lead. But in order to do so, you have to know how to get him ready to top by helping him be a good bottom. Good sex is more than just hitting the bullseye.
If you want some good lovin' (the type that you sounds like you need), then give your boyfriend three times the pleasure that you expect for yourself. You can't just drop your low-rises and go at it. Your man wants some intimacy, some prep.
Any ya-hoo can get in a car and make it go. But a real driver learns how their baby moves; what it's capable of; what it desires; how it likes to be handled; and what it likes in him. When a driver makes a solid connection with his ride and earns its trust, more times than not it'll return the favor by letting him redline all night long.
Park it and get to know how your baby likes to be handled. Then you can start teaching him how to handle you.
Yours in overdrive,