Coming Out To Your Mom (In Anger)?

Ramone,

First of all, I just found your website and it's very informative. I was thinking how lucky I am to live in a time when I can get this kind of info so easily. THANK YOU!

To my question, I was reading your articles about coming out and you touched on the fact that you should not come out in anger or to hurt someone. I totally agree with this fact but it made me think about coming out to my mother. There is a lot "stuff" I have bottled up about my mom. When I think about coming out to her I always kind of think it's more like me getting back at her... Do you have any advice about how to change my state of mind, or should I just accept the fact that there is stuff between us and come out to her in the best way I can?

Thanks, C, for your warm comments and for visiting Gay Life! I'm very pleased to hear you found the information useful.

In my Ways You Shouldn't Come Out article I do advise people not to come out in anger or as a method of revenge or payback. The reason why is because coming out in anger often distracts from what should be the primary focus—your own internal happiness and the transition into a life where we are truly free to express ourselves. Within this freedom comes the ability and strength to heal past wounds and all of residual pain and anguish from the homophobia we grew up with for so long.

I know coming out to your mom may seem like the ultimate payback (especially if she's homophobic), but realize that your announcement will not heal the "stuff" you've been carrying for some time now. Coming out is about you, not her. Of course, your relationship with her is affected, but try not to use those past wounds as a distraction from the real issue—which is your freedom and independence from her and this situation. That "stuff" between you will always exist, until you decide to deal with it... More of Coming Out To Your Mom (In Anger)?

Suggested Reading:
Ways You Shouldn't Come Out
Coming Out Step-by-Step
Should I Come Out To My Parents By Email?

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